I am in a Post Divorce Plan A. Ex-calls ever so often just to talk. I talk. I try to go 10 days without calling her. By the 10th day she seems to be in a panic. "Why haven't you called"? Are you mad at me?" I always say no, that I have been busy. Actually I have been fighting the urge to call her too much. Last Sunday night I called her and told her that I would be picking up our son the next day from school. She was crying and wanted to know where I was and that she needed me. Told her that I was out of town headed home and would be able to be at her house in a couple of hours. Talked for about 20 minutes telling her how special she is and that I am glad that I know her and that I still love her. She stopped crying and calmed down. Well, got within 10 minutes of her house and called to tell her that I would be there shortly. She said that she was okay and would be going to sleep in other words I don't need you now. She said her emotions had calmed down. That has happened before and makes me feel like crap. She called the next morning and told me that I really made her feel better and thanked me for doing that. She goes back to OM. She calls several times just to talk and then goes back to OM. My question to betrayers is what in the world is she doing? We have a 5 year old son that wants his mommy to come home. Any suggestions. We have been divorced since September 99. She also wants to go to church with me and my son for Easter services. This totally blows my mind. Please help!

Hi, dfloyd101. It sounds like your wife wants to have you around for the emotional needs not being met by the OM. She gets into a panic when she thinks you won't be around for her to meet them, and as soon as you show her your there for her, she is satisfied and then goes back to the OM -- classic selfish betrayer behavior I hate to say. I would say this could only go on for so long before you start losing your love for her (?) Maybe a Plan B is in order? I can say that if you stopped contact with her until she agrees to work on the marriage and stop seeing the OM, she would most likely be shown what it would be like to be without you, and those needs of hers you are filling.

I have to agree with L&L. If she keeps doing this, it will be hard to maintain feelings of love and respect for her. At some point, she will have to end things with the OM. Did you file for divorce, or her?<P>My H filed for divorce in May 1999. He calls now and then. I still think he's confused sometimes too. We don't have kids, though, so there isn't any need for me to actually see him.

I filed for divorce and have custody of our child. I filed in haste. But as these episodes keep happening I do find myself losing my love for her. I am considering Plan B soon. I do not call her any more. I let her call me. She always does call like clock work. I know OM won't work out. He has been married twice before. Any suggestions on what to do next? I have sort of gotten used to this push pull that she does. I have gotten to the point that I don't miss her as much as I did and that scares me as I would not like for our son to go through life with divorced parents. Thanks for the responses.

My wife did the same week i started plan b and decided to move back in that same week but when she moved back in she didn't agree to work totally on our marriage so it is really hard right now. Just saying when she decides that she wants to try to work on the relationship make sure she agrees with whatever plan you need or you will be in for a harder battle than needed.<P>Derek