I am wanting opinons from anyone who would like to share their views on what I have to pose here.<P>How would you feel, being the one betrayed, if your S came home and told you about the sexual joking they do with other co-workers of the opposite sex and also tell you how they jokingly talk about you sexually with other men. Doesn't it show a great lack of respect for not only who you are in their life but also what they have put you through with the infidelity?<P>I mean, come on, I have a sense of humor for crying out loud and I know all too well that peoples minds especially at work lean toward the sexual in conotations but knowing all the pain and mistrust that infidelity causes knowing your S still seems so callous to it just adds more insult to the injury. Am I being too sensitive here?<p>[This message has been edited by devastated2 (edited March 28, 2000).]

I agree w/ you. I think your sexual relationship and any "BUMPS" in your marriage should stay in the confines of your own home together. Doesn't he realize that he looks like a fool by talking about it w/ others?<P>

SoUhappy,<P>Obviously not! He thinks this is funny as he is telling me about it then gets upset with me if I don't think it is funny. He says everyone does it and it is only joking around. So, I guess, this shouldn't bother me at all, WRONG. If he were working on this marriage with me I MAYBE could overlook it. And I say MAYBE. <P>But, I do wish he would refrain from this type of behavior considering what I have been going through and not speak of me in such a way to his co-workers and play like he would do something sexual with the women co-workers. <P>I asked him what would he do if one of the women took him up on his joking and seriously wanted to pursue something. He says, Of course I wouldn't. RIGHT!!!!!! And I am the Easter Bunny!!!!!!

Whether you are have problems with your spouse or not saying and joking about this kind of thing is wrong and insensitive and I hope you told him so in a way that does not LB. In fact, if you really thought about and did it in a tactful way you may be able to get your point across and use it to your benefit.<P>J W

Hey devastated2,<P>my opinion, for what it's worth, is that it is inappropriate.<BR>Even at the best of times, discussions like these **should** only be had (if they even have to be had) with your closest friends. People that know you really well, and will take whatever is said, in the right way.<BR>Not people that he works with.<P>And especially, given the circumstances, of what you are going through.<BR>Maybe he genuinely doesn't mean anything by it, but he needs to know that it is totally inappropriate, and not called for. It is tacky, and crude. He is not thinking of your feelings, or you, at all.<P>I don't mean to sound harsh, but I find it offensive. I would be just as upset as you seem to be.<BR>I found out that my H had shared some of our intimate moments with his floozy, and I saw red. I can't believe he did that. Why the hell was there any need for her to know what we did???<BR>They lose their minds, I swear. They go mad.<P>My heart goes out to you, and I'm sending a hug to you right now.<BR>Take care of you, OK.<P>

Hi again D,<BR>You know where it all comes from. J Willy has it pretty right. You can let him know how his actions make you feel in a way that doesn't LB. <P>The harder you come down on him for this, the more likely he will be to <B>not</B> share or be honest with you. You might try "I don't like it when you talk about sexually explicit stuff with other women or share our personal experiences at work but I thank you very much for telling me about your day and the people you have talked to, and what you talked about. It makes me feel really good when you share...blah, blah, blah." <P>This whole thing is kind of a double edged sword, on the one hand you want to rip his weenie right out of his pants and on the other hand, not ripping it out and being calm and matter-of-fact receptive has it's own downfalls if he doesn't respect you. <BR>Ugggggggggh - I let that one out just for you, dear D!<P>Cheers and hugs,<BR>Lisa

JWilly, Bonnet & LisaM,<P>First, thank you all for your thoughts on this subject. And Yes, I did let him know how unkind and unthoughtful this was of him to do. I did not LB I was calm. However, I did fail to mention that I was happy he shared his day with me, etc. At that moment I wasn't very pleased to hear what he had to share as you can understand, but I guess I should have backed up the opinion of mine with something like, "But thank you for telling me the truth and sharing what your day was like." Something to that effect.<P>Unfortunately, I don't think he does take my feelings into consideration, Only his. Because when something affects me in a hurtful way and I let it be known, he turns it around and tells me how bad I made him feel for telling him. Man! this married business can be sooo difficult and I always believed before all this that is could and should be an adventure. Like you said Bonnet, things can be adventurous and fun and I have tried to get that across but he still prefers the other activity to the REAL thing with me, unfortunately. <P>All this because he has a big problem connecting emotionally in this relationship called a marriage. I use to say many times early in our marriage that I wanted to go back to dating. He was more attentive and concerned with me and my feelings OR he sure put up a wonderful front to cause me to believe this. Our problems began when we <BR>said, "I do." I did, he didn't. <P>And men think WE are complicated! SHEESH!!!<p>[This message has been edited by devastated2 (edited March 28, 2000).]

I just wanted to say that I agree. This would upset me too and it strikes me as very disrespectful - even if you were not trying to overcome infidelity.<P>Your H may find this funny but he should also respect the fact that you don't. He should refrain because he knows that this hurts you. You have told him you do not want this information shared and he seems to want to share this information and be part of the crowd more than he wants to protect your privacy and respect your feelings. That would bother me a lot. <P>If the shoe were on the other foot, and you exposed some part of him that he did not want shared with your co-workers, I am sure it would bother him too. <P>Acacia

devastated2,<P>I agree it is completely disrespectful. It is also very immature. We did that stuff in highschool maybe but not now.<P>Dana<BR>

Personally, I'd think he was an immature #@%&head, and works with a bunch of immature #@%&heads...<P>As J Willy and others indicate, there must be a slightly more tactful way of putting it...<BR>

<BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by devastated2:<BR><B>I am wanting opinons from anyone who would like to share their views on what I have to pose here.<P>How would you feel, being the one betrayed, if your S came home and told you about the sexual joking they do with other co-workers of the opposite sex and also tell you how they jokingly talk about you sexually with other men. Doesn't it show a great lack of respect for not only who you are in their life but also what they have put you through with the infidelity?<P>I mean, come on, I have a sense of humor for crying out loud and I know all too well that peoples minds especially at work lean toward the sexual in conotations but knowing all the pain and mistrust that infidelity causes knowing your S still seems so callous to it just adds more insult to the injury. Am I being too sensitive here?<P>[This message has been edited by devastated2 (edited March 28, 2000).]</B><HR></BLOCKQUOTE><P><BR>This is truly not a cool thing to do even if it were behind your back.<BR><P>------------------<BR><B><I>God Bless,<BR>Rob</I></B><BR> regilmor@swbell.net

To Everyone, <P>Thanks for your support and replies. What H did and does is definately NOT COOL at all. And he honestly doesn't understand my feelings on this. He is of the opinion that everyone does it. <P>I don't believe that if a man truly respects a woman he doesn't do this sort of thing. A gentleman keeps such things private and doesn't flirt or suggest even jokingly with other woman about sex. This is my story and I'm stickin to it.<p>[This message has been edited by devastated2 (edited March 29, 2000).]

No D, <B>NOT COOL</B> but you know what <B>is</B> cool?<P><B>US - You and I and everyone here trying to sort through all this cr@p!</B><P>I'm rarely here at night but as you know, I have time on my hands tonight.<P>Are you still out there? (Noticed that you just posted).<P>Cheers,<BR>Lisa