I have been posting less and less here lately but am still in need of support and advice. For those of you who have not followed my nightmare, my W left me mid Feb and was having an affair with a so called friend of mine. Anyway, she returned home April 1 and has been there since. She told me she wants to really try and work it out but she doesn't know if it will work or not and time will tell. She says she loves me and feels that she should give our marriage a try. The problem is she says I took a big piece of her over the last year and she doesn't feel the same as she once did and isn't sure if she ever will but wants to try. And she knows it will take time. <P>Over the past couple weeks she has been home we have gotten along very well. I do the things I never did before and she is also doing things for us ( you know the married couple things dinner, etc...)the difference now is though I help with everything we do. <P>We talked last weekend (April 7) a week after she came back and she said she really wanted to try but she didn't know if she could tell the OM it was over or not and she still thought of him from time to time. She did say she knew she had to let hom go for us to be able to work it out but didn't know if she was ready or whatever, I didn't quite understand that.<P>Prior to last week we were intamate up until Monday and this Friday she told me she did not want to be intamate for awhile, that it didn't feel right and we didn't have to do that to love each other, that we could just hold each other etc... <P>She told me this when Friday I surprised her with what I thought was a very romantic gesture. I went and bought 4 dozen roses and took 2 dozen and took the pedals off to make a trail from the door when she came in up to the master bath in the master bedroom where I had a bubble bath in our jucuzi tub with rose pedals in the water as well. With this I had Godiva chocloates, strawberries, and a bottle of Dom Perion champaigne around the tub along with the other 2 dozen roses I got her in 2 vases at the end of the tub on the mantle. I set the mood with lighted candles all around the tub and it was watiting for her when she got home. When she got home I heard her big smile and say you're crazy. She excitedly followed it up stairs to the bath and was very excited and happy. She loved it but I could really tell it wasn't the same as if I would have done it before. We both got in the tub and ate chocolate, strawberries and drank the Dom champaigne but it wasn't like I expected. We bagan to talk and she let me know that we were not having any sex that she wasn't at that point yet. I asked if she had been with anyone else and she told me not since she ahd been home. By the way, we have taken several baths together prior to this and have both enjoyed it. Everything though is just not the same.<P>We tell each other we love each other and she is somewhat close ( she calls me honey, baby etc...), she even had all of her family over Sat. night for dinner ( about 15 people). She is just not all there and I can sense it. She is talking about the future, what we can do for vacation, what we can buy for our new house etc... It is that she is not all there.<P>My question now is should I ask her if she still has contact with the OM? I feel she still talks to him but am not sure. I know she has spoken with him since she came home April 1 but don't know what was said or anything. Am I pushing it if I ask if she has spoken to him? Should I ask her how she feels? If she still has feelings for the OM? Or should I just keep going on like nothing has happened and ignore the issue? I don't want to push and I know it is going to take us time (she does'nt even know if it will work out or not and has told me she is hoping her old feelings for me will come back), but I don't feel it is fair if she is still involved with the OM even if it is just phone conversation or whatever. Do I not deserve to know what is going on or is it too early still?<P>She is comming around more and more for example this A.M. she brought my wedding ring to me to put on before I left the house for work, she tells me she loves me first, instead of me having to say it first. I just don't want to push her but need to know.<P>Is there anyone who is or has gone through this that can give me insight. This is so hard and I want it to work out so bad. I'll do whatever it takes I just need to know what is going on and what to do exactly.<P>Thanks to all in advance!!!<P> <BR>

Hi Caj-<BR>No contact with the Om is very important here, if there is any contact, it could set things back.<BR>She will suffer withdrawl and not be herself for quite awhile longer, but with time and no contact, i think she will come around.<P>It sounds like things are going good so far--- if this is anything like what me and my spouse went through, there will be many bad days, but also alot of good days in there too. As time goes on, the good will start to outnumber the bad....IT WILL! Please be patient.<BR>It does take awhile to come out of the "fog" but it will happen, easpecially the longer the no contact.<BR>You sound like you are doing some great things for her )) She WILL start noticing this more and more and she will come around.<P>Best wishes <BR>QoF<BR>

I am not any where close to recovery. My H is not living here and works very close to OP. But I can tell you asking about the OP may be a LB. I know it is in my H's case. I only get to bring it up when there has been a crisis. We've had a few, thanks to the crazy OP.. Actually, these crises have been the thing to bring him down a little.<P>But I can tell a big difference in H. OP was on vacation and then we werr on spring break with the kids and he really seemed to be coming around. Now that he is back at work with OP, he seems possessed again and distant, although It really does seem like a little of his memory is coming back.. ANd his attachment to the kids is improving.<P>He just seems so distant to me. It is so bizaar. Up until November (when he went on a long overseas business trip with her) he was so affectionate to me..so nice...always said I love you, always hugged me in front of the kids. etc. Now he hardly looks at me (although there was affection on spring break) He treats me like the enemy.<P>It is so discouraging. I keep reading here to be patient. It just seems that this wonderful husband and father had his brains sucked out by a married woman who is acting like a 16 year old, yet still is with her H telling him every detail of what is going on and telling him every detail of mine and my kids lives.<P>I cannot tell you how it feels to know that he is like this right now. It is so out of character and so humiliating to have him defend her with what she is doing and how she is acting and for him to put me and the kids down.<P>ANyway, I didn't mean to vent, but I also wanted to suggest to you to have her read the MB stuff. Maybe it will become clearer to her if she sees the no contact stuff and how that will make her clear her thoughts.<P>I think the WS think that they are experienceing something special and unique, kind of like they are the only ones who have figureed out what "true Love" reallyis. I think when you read the MB info and read the forums you realize it is an epidemic. and that true love is just a matter of protecting your love bank and letting your spouse know when your needs are not being met. Anyway, would she be receptive to reading some of the info??<P>I have copied posts here to hopefully share with my H if and when he ever comes off this crack addiction!!!!!!!

Just putting this to the top of the list for mercy