Hi there friends!<P>I have been lurking a lot lately and haven't had much time to post. I'm coaching H.S. baseball right now and when I come home I bust my butt to get the house cleaned up so W can take it easy. After that I'm usually out cold.<P>Anyway, rain out today, so I'm home early with some time to myself! Hurray!!<P>Things for me have been really good lately. Although I still have that feeling of doubt every once in a while.<P>My W has been very good lately (at least compared to the last couple of months). She has been smiling more and initiating more hugs. We have not had a whole lot of deep discussions lately but when we do have them, they are very positive (no LB's!!!). <P>The last discussion we had, she told me that a lot has not changed as far as her feelings go. She is still very confused and doesn't know where things are going. She did tell me that she told OM that she "needed some space from him" to try to sort out her feelings (although a "no contact" was not put in place, the door there is still WIDE open). She told me that now matter what happens, she felt she needed to give her best effort to try to work "things" out. This actually confused me quite a bit. She never said she was going to work on our marriage, just "things." I think she is referring to her feelings towards me as she still tells me that she is not sure if she "loves" me. The funny part is that she sounds like she has been reading my SAA book by Harley! I don't know, I don't hide it, so maybe she has read some of it.<P>I still have my down days. Kinda like I'm waiting for something bad to happen again. I guess I'm protecting myself by not getting really excited over what's going on. I still get the urge to check the phone records or check out her favorite hiding places. But I'm really getting to the point that it is not worth the stress and energy to do all the things I was doing before to uncover her EA.<P>Anyway, any words of encouragement would help as today is probably a down day. Please feel free to e-mail me too: dbrown44@excite.com<P>Doug<BR><P>------------------<BR>Don't give up...don't ever give up!" --Jimmy Valvano

Doug,<P>Get the book <A HREF="http://www.amazon.com/exec/obidos/ASIN/0393307077" TARGET=_blank><B>Private Lies :</B> Infidelity and Betrayal of Intimacy</A> by Frank Pittman... and leave it out for her to find/read (if she is reading SAA... great)... <P>Jim

Sounds like progress. Would she work on the Harley stuff with you?

Jim--<P>What's in this book that is different from Harley's?<P>I'm going to the book store tonight to see if I can find it.<P><BR>Kam--<P>We have definitely NOT got to the point of working on the marriage yet. I think she would work on the EN needs things, etc., if she was committed to the marriage. Right now that is the hard part...there has been no "official" commitment! She still tells me that she doesn't know what she wants.<P>Please don't get me wrong, our marriage was not perfect, but I think she is beginning to look at herself and see that what went wrong was not due to the marriage. I think she is having a hard time finding anything there...trust me, I have asked!!! She has a lot of past problems with her parents (she was seriously anorexic about 10 years ago). Anorexia is not about food, it is about control. She has told me before that the "issues" there were never resolved. I am beginning to think that some of these "issues" are starting to resurface. I don't think what she has told me about this is the whole story. <P>We have talked about what she needs and she even tells me that she doesn't know! <P>Anyway, maybe I am trying to justify things right now. I don't know. But I have looked long and hard and I can't seem to find the "answers" and the real problem is that my W doesn't know what the problems are either!<P>Doug<BR>

Don't get discouraged...it still sounds like progress, albeit slow.<P>Yeah, I know about the can't work on it til they can commit at least partway...hopefully she'll get there as she sorts things thru a bit. <P>Hope you guys have a good weekend and that things slowly creep forward!!!<P>Kathi