Hey, Can anyone help me? What are some warning signs of infedility that you have experienced? What did you do after you suspected that your H or W is being unfaithful? I don't know if that is going on with my H or not. Some strange things have been going on, not to mention that I am 7.5 months pregnant. My emotions are all over anyway. Can you help???<P>------------------<BR>NotSure2K

I was eight months pregnant when my H started his tawdry liasion with the local whore. I hope and pray this is not happening to you! Hope this helps. <P>My warning signs: <BR>acted giddy for no apparent reason<BR>caught him primping in the mirror more<BR>started wearing nicer clothes to work<BR>stopped wanting to have sex with me as much<BR>got really depressed at times<BR>said he was a failure<BR>said we would be better off without him<BR>late nights at work<BR>was really mean and acted like he hated me at times for no apparent reason<BR>was distant, withdrawn, moody<BR>spent extra nights away with work (yeah whatever)<BR>made his life totally separate from ours<P>That's a few. I hope it helps. I confronted him at the time because I did not want him in the delivery room with me if what I horribly suspected was true. He denied it, flat out. <P>JUST A WORD OF CAUTION: If you remotely suspect that your husband is sleeping around, PROTECT YOURSELF when having sex with him. If you get a sexually transmitted disease while you are pregnant it could blind or kill your baby. I swear it's true. Whether you decide to confront him or not is up to you. But think about telling him some made up medical reason why you have to use a condom at this stage of your pregnancy (actually semen can soften the cervix in some cases). <P>Seriously, protect your baby! I wish I had been smart enough to protect mine. Thank God she is okay. But, what he did could have killed her. <P>I hope it all turns out for the best for you! <BR>

Thanks Dead Inside.<BR>Yeah! he fits some of those. We just moved back home where all his friends are so I know he is wanting to do things with them. Or at least he says. He is still somewhat intimate with me. Not as much as he used to though. I know he has gone to lunch with this girl from his work who happens to be single. He says there is nothing going on...Do I check up on him? Thanks for your help.<P>------------------<BR>NotSure2K

Exact same experience. He bought new underwear (nicer one). He bought a silly silk robe. He could not talk to or listen to me without making me feel stupid and boring.. He worked all of his free time. He distanced himself from us. We had sex once per month or less and it was really loveless.<P>We got herpes. Please listen up, protect your baby!<P>Honesty went out the window. Does he include you in his life? Do you have access to his files, computer, email, bills, accounts, etc.? Does he come home late or not at all?<P>You need some peace at this time in your life. If you can account for his time, please do not let yourself worry too much, think about you and your baby first.

Dead Inside seemd to nail them all. My wife started going out more with people from work and coming home very late (3-4am) lost weight, got a suntan, bought new clothes, got a cell phone and acted very cold towards me and the kids, sex happened less often but when it did it was different. She stopped saying I love you, it got shortened to "love you" stopped with the kiss and hug when getting home from work.<P>I pray it is not happening with you. Have a look at this sight, especially the article entitled Dealing with Infidelity; How an affair begins. Its my life on paper. Come to this sight often for excellent advice. Everyone here is really helping me deal with this situation and can offer support and help deal with each new step.

Thanks Wifeandmother,<BR>Yes, he did buy new underwear but he actually needed those. <P>I try not to worry. I try to think that my hormones are getting the best of me. I just don't know.<P>He always calls me when he is leaving work and always comes home. It was like yesterday when we were still asleep that he took some Soda to work and get a newspaper. He was gone for a hour. When he got home he went up to take a shower and his pager went off with 6969. I know he was at work he called me. He also had his pager on sound instead of the usual vibrate. I asked him and he said he didn't know. When I asked him about the pager, he said I get wrong pages all the time. He said I can't believe your imagination. Is it my imagination really? OR is it reality?<P>------------------<BR>NotSure2K

Thanks Goober..<BR>I have confronted him many times. He really seems sincere when he says he has never been unfaithful. I think to myself why can't I just trust what he says. But then the other part of me tries to figure out is he or isn't he. That is what is driving me crazy.<P>------------------<BR>NotSure2K

Try these links:<BR> <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/forum/Forum28/HTML/000985.html" TARGET=_blank>http://www.marriagebuilders.com/forum/Forum28/HTML/000985.html</A> <BR> <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/forum/Forum28/HTML/000480.html" TARGET=_blank>http://www.marriagebuilders.com/forum/Forum28/HTML/000480.html</A> <P>Hopefully you'll find out it is all some misunderstanding and you won't ever need to come back here.<P>If you do need to come back, there is a great group of people here and they can help you through whatever you find.<P><BR>

Hi Help Me!<BR>I went to the sights you sent me. I don't know if I feel better or worse. I guess he could be having an affair. The million dollar question is???What do I do about it? I need to know for sure. I don't want to come out and accuse him. Do I confront him for the umteenth time? I do know that things seem different. And the code on his pager yesterday was pretty strange. But then again what if it was a wrong number? IT has happened before. I am really going nuts...What should I do..?<P>------------------<BR>NotSure2K

Hi NotSure,<P> I think you have good reason to suspect......I always had these uneasy feelings but could never imagine that my H would EVER have an affair...as it turned out when I did find out it was 11/2yr. I would have found out sooner if I had scoured the credit card bills, had itemized billings for the cell phone ( you can order this), searched his car or his duffel bag....there were a ton of clues just sitting there.<BR> Hope you are wrong but if he is you need to know....Keep posting , we'll be here for you.....LU<BR>

NotSure,<P>Our for an hour to get a paper? Had to take a shower when he came home? Paged with 6969? All this ON TOP of your suspicions? Pardon me for being hypersensitive (I am a betrayed spouse), but these clues are VERY suspicious. <P>Just as it is easy to jump to conclusions, it is also easy to bury your head in the sand - it's called denial. And if you read enough around here you'll see that betrayers often lie until confronted with hard evidence...and then turn their anger on you for finding it.<P>You are in a very tough spot. I'm so sorry for you, especially in your condition. <P>I wish I had advice for you, but I'm not sure what to tell you now. <P>------------------<BR>But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, longsuffering, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, self-control.<BR>Galatians 5:22-23

Hey Lu!<BR>I check every credit card statement, nothing. The only suspicious things are:<BR>Changing password on computer...I questioned about that...He gave it to me. He can always get another address though. The 6969 on his pager yesterday. He did loan a guy at work $20 dollars. I go through his truck. Nothing in there. He did hurry and take a shower yesterday when he got home from going to work. But he was only gone 1 hour and I know he went an got a paper and went to work. (at least he called me from there) I can't think of anything else I have checked. <P>------------------<BR>NotSure2K

ToSad4words:<BR>Well, I know he was at work, at least he called me from there. I do know he had 4 cases of Soda that he was probably taking there. Do I need more concrete evidence, or do I say something and try to see if I can tell if he is lying?<P>------------------<BR>NotSure2K

He goes to lunch with a girl from work who is single but says there is nothing going on?<BR>And pager goes off with 6969 as soon as he gets home from work?<BR>A large number of affair are with co-workers. She would be prime suspect.<BR>Any way to check her out? Do you know any other of his coworkers that you could question discreetly? <p>[This message has been edited by TMD (edited May 01, 2000).]

NotSure,<BR>First of all, I want to tell you that you are NOT crazy. I don't know if you have something to worry about, or if your condition is contributing to insecurity. <BR>I do know that when someone's fidelity is questioned, they sometimes react by ACTING on what they are accused of doing. <BR>I am not asking you to put your head in the sand, just keep your eyes and ears open.<BR>Listen to your husband carefully, betrayers often give "hints". Don't drive your self crazy looking for clues, but again, be open.<BR>My experience has been that the more I questioned my husband about his whereabouts and changes in behavior, the more secretive and clever at covering his tracks he became.<BR>I would definitely try to keep him accountable on the computer. <BR>My husband bought a pager, opened a long distance account through his work, and opened a new credit card account that did not have my name on it. He bought a stereo and scented candles for his office and started going to work earlier. A friends husband bought long distance phone cards so they could not be traced.<BR>Good Luck! I hope your instincts are wrong.<BR>

TMD:<BR>He was not working yesterday. He just went to drop off the Soda for his employees. I do know of 2 times that they went to lunch. The one time they went to a resturaunt and the other they went and drove around.<P>I really don't know of anyone at his work that I could confide in. I do know that another guy that works there his W accused him of an affair with this same girl. <P>I am trying to think of ways I can get him to admit. If I confront him, he will deny and tell me how crazy I am and why can't I just trust him.<P>I have a plan....But don't know if it will work..I thought I would say..That I got an annonoyous (SP) phone call from a girl saying that " Do you know you H is having an affair with someone you know" and then say they hung up? Does that sound Good or Dorky? At this point I am not sure what it can hurt.<P><P>------------------<BR>NotSure2K

I don't know much about your plan sounding dorky or not, but my affair started with a guy I worked with and it started by going out to lunch together. He too was home every night after work so just because your husband is doing that doesn't mean that he is not having an affair. It's very easy to get together at lunch time or even take a vacation day together without your spouse ever finding out. The pager sounds fishy too me, especially the number that was on it. You need to find out before it goes on too long. Can you pop in with a surprise and romantic lunch for him at work? Also, just work on making his home life as wonderful as you can.

My husband became friends with a girl 14 years his junior while I was 7 months pregant. I was very uncomfortable because they began to have a familiarity that I knew was wrong but my husband said it was no big deal-they were just friends. Our marriage was already rocky and sure enough, sometime in the last 6 months they began their sexual relationship. My son is 7 months and OW is now due to have my husbands child in october. If you are uncomforable and arent a suspicious person by nature, know that something is wrong. He will deny it. You need to decide if you really want to know. I "knew" my husband would never have an affair so I believed all his lies. If I had realized how possible it was and had hired a detective (or friend to help me see where he was going), I may not be in this horribly painful situation. God is changing me which is something I have desperately needed and I am now in plan "A" but H is not committed to me right now. Please realize it could be true and the sooner it stops, hopefully the easier it will be to end. My prayers are with you.<BR>Kris

Hi<BR> I think your money would be well spent to hire a PI just for your peace of mind. If everything is ok then great if not you'll know and can get to work on your marriage. I so wish this wasn't happening to you now at what should be a very happy special time. Do you have other childern?<BR> lost trust

I agree. I wish I had hired a private investigator before I knew for sure instead of after. I don't know if this seems plausible in your situation. But, this is what I WISH wish wish I had done...<P>My H had his affair with a co-worker. I wish I had gone to his work more and made my presence more known. It may not have made a difference but who knows. I just wish I hadn't made it so easy for my H to totally separate his life at home from his life at work. Bring him lunch. Pop in to say hi. <P>Just my opinion, but he should not be going to lunch with any woman just the two of them. And what do they need to drive around and talk about? I'm not saying he is doing anything, but he is CERTAINLY putting himself in a position he should not be in. It is not your imagination.<P>I hate to say it, but since you asked for warning signs, my H did the shower right away thing too.