Well, we broke the news of our impending separation to our 2 young boys (7 & 9) and they though it was OK that they will get to live in 2 places this summer, just like some of their friends. They will help me pack, gather their own things and help move.<P>While I'm certainly glad to have spared them any "trauma" (or so it seems for now), I have reached another bottom again emotionally. It seems like I'm the only one who's bothered by moving out. What a poor reflection on our society when you tell 2 young boys that their parents are splitting up and their reaction is basically "Cool!". I have not been this depressed since discovery of my wife's EA with my former "friend". I'm sure she feels rather vindicated for pushing for a separation since the boys seem to be taking it so well.<BR>This just sucks so much I can't write anymore.

GT,<P>This isn't much consolation, but, to quote someone famous "Forgive them, they know not what they do". Your kids don't comprehend the implications. They <B>will</B> eventually suffer because of this, but that won't make you feel better for being able to foresee it. <BR> <BR>Not sure what I could say to make you feel better. Just know that someone (in a similar situation) hears you.<P>------------------<BR>But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, longsuffering, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, self-control.<BR>Galatians 5:22-23

Gonnatry<P>I am certain that your children will eventually feel the effects of your separation. I do not believe they are old enough to realize that now. And believe me when I say that you are not the only one upset. Everyone on this board including myself is upset along with you. We all feel none of us should have to go through any of this. There is not a whole lot of comfort in that I know, but regardless of what happens we all will survive and we will be better people because we intend to stick it out and try to save our marriages. We have to try in order to live with ourselves later. Do the best you can, the best Plan A possible and focus on giving 110% for your children, your spouse, your marriage, your family, and yourself.<P>Love and Prayers for You and for All!!!<P>J W

Gonnatry, I'm so sorry! for you and your sons. My children took it really hard. I will NEVER forget my 10 y.o.D's reaction. She screamed and hyperventilated and lost it for an entire day. My H.acted so stoic, like he was doing the world a favor by leaving his kids and going to to greater things (with OP)<P>I had to sleep with and hold my D for about a week. My S (8) reacted by just holding it in. He would cry and say he was sad. But my H said to me "when they realize that I am only 10 min away and will call them every night they'll be ok."<P>My five year old cried every night and when she spoke to her dad would ask him why he moved out. It has been three months and my H will still not answer that question.<P>My H was SO cold when he left. I do not think he even remembers a lot of what he said. I don't think he is ready to yet. It will take quite a lot of character to start to feel it.<P>I had to immediatedly start taking my D to a counselor. She told me that due to the suddenness of the "change" (My H was "normal" before he went on an overseas business trip for ten days with OP coworker). My children had never seen us argue. THeir last memory of their dad before he left was seeing us hug and kiss in the kitchen and have him hug them and tell them he'd miss us. He came home "possessed" and disconnected and in some grandiose fantasy!!!)<P>I would start off by seeing denial (may be what you are seeing) and the real effects will most likely start in 6-8 weeks. She was right. My D has suffered the most. I think she was the closest to her dad. He hasn't answered any of her questions. (I don't think he knows what he is doing)<P>Her grades have dropped, she dropped out of a lot of activities and sleeps in her brothers room. My son is OK if he ignores it, but I try to get him to talk about his feelings. (I don't want another conflict avoiding man in this family) My little one is still bewildered.<P>THe good news is that my H seems to be coming down from this fantasy and IS feeling what is haappening with the kids. He has agreed to go to counseling with first our eldest daughter. I may have to make the apt. though. He likes to avoid these things.<P>He is coming over a lot more and taking more of an interest in them, but is still disconnected in some ways. <P>What I want to tell you about all of this, is that you may not be seeing the fallout. But I think you may not want to assume that it is not there. Figure out some ways to get them to talk about it. Acting like it is cool seems like false bravado to me what about you???<P><BR>Plus, it is not cool. I have let my children know I am sad about it. If my H and I never get back together you can bet I will try very hard to teach my kids that you need to work Hard on things and not walk out when the going gets tough. In my case, I never had an inkling. I have been home tending to home and children and my H has been working very long hours doing intense work with OP. I have found out after the fact that they have been together just about every second of the day. People have seen them out at lunch everyday, and apparently she was without a car so he was driving her to and fromthe places they needed to go.<P>Great huh!!! That on top of sudden weight loss, makeup wearing and change in wardrobe!!! Of course most people in their workplace never suspected HER of anything because the first thing out of her mouth was what a devout christian she is. She told people if they didn't believe in the bible literally they were misguided.<P>Guess I needed to vent too!!! <BR>Have you read Private Lies???? There is a chapter on S and D effect on the kids.

2Sad: It doesn't make it any easier but I do draw strength from everyone in here and that makes it easier to adjust.<P>JW: Thanks for the support. We all need to lean on each other so we can all survive our ordeals.<P>Tootrusting: I am SO SORRY your kids have had such a bad time with this. I think this was my wife's greatest fear. Now she seems even more comfortable with the whole thing since our kids haven't freaked out. But it may happen later.<P>We are spltting weeks with the boys and since there's only 6 more weeks of school, they may not show any real signs of it until late in the summer. My W and I will still be spending a lot of time with them (just not the 2 of us at the same time). The counselor has suggested that after a few weeks she will begin to miss me especially since we've been doing rather well together all things considered. I feel that I have demonstrated to her that we can reconcile if she wants to. If she is willing to admit her mistakes and work with me on it, we can do it. <P>My greatest concern is that I do not "fall out of love" with her waiting for her to see if she can "fall back in love" with me. I'm certain if we "role reverse" over the next few months that she will not make the effort to try to get back together to the extent I have tried over the past few months. As far as the separation goes, I think right now it really sucks but when it's over, I'm sure it will have been the best thing we could have done.