Although things seemed to be going well for my H and I it seems that now we are at a stand still. I plan A whenever possible and he seems to respond well...that is, until this past week. He seems distant again and I don't know what to do. I want to start talking to him about things that happened in the past but I'm afraid he'll shut down and distance himself even more. He's never been much of a talker when it comes to his feelings and yet, I feel I need to know how he feels about things - how we grew apart, how he feels we're doing now, etc. I've been writing to him a lot and letting him know how I feel about what happened and how I've changed. How do I go about asking him to talk to me? Is there some way I can lead into the conversation? Or, maybe I wait for him to start the talking (honestly, I doubt that will ever happen, though)? <P>Any ideas or insight on what to do here?<P> <P>------------------<BR>Molli<P>Find your strength within!

<BR>I have a suggestion, could you interest him into writing to you how he feels?<P>That way he can have time to review the letter and make sure it says what he wants it to say.<BR>And you can explain to him that if he does not want it to lead into a fight then maybe you can read it alone and have time to think about the contents before you respond so that he has time to think thru what he wants to say to you.<P>I bet thats why you like writing to him so maybe even though it might take a while it might help him open up.<P>Make sure he knows its safe to open up to you because all you want is to make things beautiful between the two of you and to do that you need to know how he feels.<P>If he says he doesn't know what to write about give him a set of ideas and maybe he can address them one by one.<BR>I hope he gets to open up to you soon.<P>Good luck.<P><BR>Maxini<P>------------------<BR>they that wait upon the Lord shall renew their strength

Molli<BR>Could you start by making him feel comfortable talking about the less important things?<BR>My H is definitely not a talker. After D-day my main goal was to make him comfortable with me, at home etc. I tried to bring him out by getting him to talk about the simple everyday things. Asking his opinions, how his day went etc.<P>Sometimes they need to learn to be comfortable before they are ready to talk about the "big" stuff. We want to fix it fast. You might find though, that if you work towards comfortable, the other stuff might not be as important in the end.<P>Your doing great Just don't be too disappointed at the down times. They come and go.<P>As so many of my favorite people have told me...Time and patience are the keys. Yuck! I hate those words but I'm learning.<p>[This message has been edited by wasstubborn (edited June 02, 2000).]

Pick up a copy of "Men Are From Mars; Women are from Venus" (can't remember who brought up that book on another thread but it was a good idea!).<P>Men tend to talk differently from women. It is probably really hard for him to talk about the past (men tend to be the "over, done with, gone" types).<P>I'd continue to try to keep it light for now. I know it's hard. <P>Good luck! --HBC