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Joined: Apr 2000
Posts: 190
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missy9 Offline OP
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Joined: Apr 2000
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Well today is my kids birthday ( twins)and its my h day to have them. I guess i am feeling sorry for myself because I feel like I should be the one with them. The problem is that my h has all the family around here. So, the kids would have more fun celebrating their birthday with his family. Still does not seem fair. <P>My mother in law and my sister in law both expressed to me that it stinks because of what My h did we all have to suffer. Nothing is ever the same anymore. Anytime a special event comes up, I am the one to always be excluded. His family is so upset by what he has done to me and the kids but they just can't turn their back on him. They do tell me things at these gatherings are just not the same and very ackward. Good I hope they all are feeling ackward tonight.<P>I am waiting for the day when they have a celebration, and they invite me and not him. I'm not sure I'll ever see that. <P>But, his family has been wonderful in every other way. Except maybe his brother. HE just hasn't even called me at all lately. His two sisters and parents call me all the time. <P>Has anyone else experienced the loss of family on the spouse side when the spouse was the one who is in the wrong??? It really hurts. THey have been MY family too for the last 20 years. I am closer to them then he is. <P>At any rate, I am having a party for the kids on Saturday with all their friends and did not ask my h to come. Let him suffer a little!!!!

Joined: Aug 1999
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Hi Missy :-) You have surely heard the saying "blood is thicker than water"? It is indeed-in most instances.<P>I was married three weeks after I turned eighteen. I stayed with the ex for 13 1/2 years. He drank all the time, was doing drugs all the time and msot of all we fought non-stop. I decided it was best for me to get out.<P>His entire family turned against me. They all knew of his habits and the garbage he pulled on me. The way he treated our boys differently and all that. Yet they turned on me.<P>About a year ago when my son was complaining to his grandma (former MIL) about his dad's always being drunk she had the nerve to tell him thathis dad didn't drink until I left him. I was livid. She has said all sorts of lies about me to my boys. <P>I tell my kids the truth without going into detail as they are now 23 and 20. And as for why we divorced I tell them the truth-we we far from being compatible. <P>I am not happy and I don't think he has changed a bit. We have been split for almost 12 years now.<P>Have fun at the weekend function you are having for your kids. I wills end you all the smiles I can part with [Linked Image from marriagebuilders.com]<P> [Linked Image from marriagebuilders.com] [Linked Image from marriagebuilders.com] [Linked Image from marriagebuilders.com] [Linked Image from marriagebuilders.com] [Linked Image from marriagebuilders.com] [Linked Image from marriagebuilders.com] [Linked Image from marriagebuilders.com] [Linked Image from marriagebuilders.com] [Linked Image from marriagebuilders.com] [img]http://www.marriagebuilders.com/forum/images/icons/smile.gif[/img] [img]http://www.marriagebuilders.com/forum/images/icons/smile.gif[/img] [img]http://www.marriagebuilders.com/forum/images/icons/smile.gif[/img] [img]http://www.marriagebuilders.com/forum/images/icons/smile.gif[/img] [img]http://www.marriagebuilders.com/forum/images/icons/smile.gif[/img] [img]http://www.marriagebuilders.com/forum/images/icons/smile.gif[/img] [img]http://www.marriagebuilders.com/forum/images/icons/smile.gif[/img] [img]http://www.marriagebuilders.com/forum/images/icons/smile.gif[/img] [img]http://www.marriagebuilders.com/forum/images/icons/smile.gif[/img] [img]http://www.marriagebuilders.com/forum/images/icons/smile.gif[/img] [img]http://www.marriagebuilders.com/forum/images/icons/smile.gif[/img] [img]http://www.marriagebuilders.com/forum/images/icons/smile.gif[/img] [img]http://www.marriagebuilders.com/forum/images/icons/smile.gif[/img] [img]http://www.marriagebuilders.com/forum/images/icons/smile.gif[/img] [img]http://www.marriagebuilders.com/forum/images/icons/smile.gif[/img] [img]http://www.marriagebuilders.com/forum/images/icons/smile.gif[/img] [img]http://www.marriagebuilders.com/forum/images/icons/smile.gif[/img] [img]http://www.marriagebuilders.com/forum/images/icons/smile.gif[/img] [img]http://www.marriagebuilders.com/forum/images/icons/smile.gif[/img] [img]http://www.marriagebuilders.com/forum/images/icons/smile.gif[/img] [img]http://www.marriagebuilders.com/forum/images/icons/smile.gif[/img]<BR> [img]http://www.marriagebuilders.com/forum/images/icons/smile.gif[/img] [img]http://www.marriagebuilders.com/forum/images/icons/smile.gif[/img] [img]http://www.marriagebuilders.com/forum/images/icons/smile.gif[/img] [img]http://www.marriagebuilders.com/forum/images/icons/smile.gif[/img] [img]http://www.marriagebuilders.com/forum/images/icons/smile.gif[/img] [img]http://www.marriagebuilders.com/forum/images/icons/smile.gif[/img] [img]http://www.marriagebuilders.com/forum/images/icons/smile.gif[/img] [img]http://www.marriagebuilders.com/forum/images/icons/smile.gif[/img] [img]http://www.marriagebuilders.com/forum/images/icons/smile.gif[/img] [img]http://www.marriagebuilders.com/forum/images/icons/smile.gif[/img] [img]http://www.marriagebuilders.com/forum/images/icons/smile.gif[/img] [img]http://www.marriagebuilders.com/forum/images/icons/smile.gif[/img] [img]http://www.marriagebuilders.com/forum/images/icons/smile.gif[/img] [img]http://www.marriagebuilders.com/forum/images/icons/smile.gif[/img] [img]http://www.marriagebuilders.com/forum/images/icons/smile.gif[/img] [img]http://www.marriagebuilders.com/forum/images/icons/smile.gif[/img] [img]http://www.marriagebuilders.com/forum/images/icons/smile.gif[/img] [img]http://www.marriagebuilders.com/forum/images/icons/smile.gif[/img] [img]http://www.marriagebuilders.com/forum/images/icons/smile.gif[/img] [img]http://www.marriagebuilders.com/forum/images/icons/smile.gif[/img] [img]http://www.marriagebuilders.com/forum/images/icons/smile.gif[/img] [img]http://www.marriagebuilders.com/forum/images/icons/smile.gif[/img] [img]http://www.marriagebuilders.com/forum/images/icons/smile.gif[/img] [img]http://www.marriagebuilders.com/forum/images/icons/smile.gif[/img] [img]http://www.marriagebuilders.com/forum/images/icons/smile.gif[/img] [img]http://www.marriagebuilders.com/forum/images/icons/smile.gif[/img] [img]http://www.marriagebuilders.com/forum/images/icons/smile.gif[/img] [img]http://www.marriagebuilders.com/forum/images/icons/smile.gif[/img] [img]http://www.marriagebuilders.com/forum/images/icons/smile.gif[/img] [img]http://www.marriagebuilders.com/forum/images/icons/smile.gif[/img]<P><P>------------------<BR>*heartache*<BR>"Loyalty Is A Two Way Street"<BR>

Joined: Mar 2000
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Missy:<P>I'm sorry I didn't see your post sooner. (And where was everyone on this one???) How are you doing? <P>It's very difficult when family times are torn apart because of infidelity. I hope you are doing better. Your children love you!<P>All the best! --HBC

Joined: Feb 2000
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I totally understand and I am in your shoes as well. My inlaws have tried very hard to remain neutral and to keep on good terms with us both.. but inevitably, he gets to claim them and not I. On Mothers Day.. I had the kids and they wanted to have brunch with me but he refused to let them.... it was not a pleasant scene> Our daughters bday is approaching.. I really have no respect for my h (this is the second separation and he has had a long term affair with OW.. amoung other things) nor do I want to have anything to do with him.. but, I realize that I am stuck dealing with him for the rest of my life since we have kids with him... I realized our daughter's bday was hitting on his weekend and I approached him on the subject.. so now we have agreed to having diner with his family on her actual bday in a restaurant.. hopefully that will give me some type of a buffer and I will host her kid party here at our home and he and I have jointly planned the party.. mostly via e-mail to reduce the contact but we are working at it. I deliberately am inviting a lot of people to this party so that there will be enough of a buffer again. I do not aniticipate that either event will be comfortable.. although with time I understand from those who have been down this path it gets easier. I am angry with him that we evan have to deal with these issues.. but the bottom line is that the kids would want both of us to participate and I am going to suck it up for their sake and mark it up as being one of the sacrifices that I will just have to make for their benefit. It sounds like you have a ood relationship with your inlaws.. I am sure that if you appealed to them for help in setting up some joint celebrations for certain key events that they would do what they could to help and to be the buffer....sometimes it just takes one of you to take the first step to bring things together.. obviously they will not be the adults and that is up to us... so think about it and maybe you can do something like this for later. Good luck and I really feel for you....


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