I was so depressed aft our joint session on Monday. I'm missing my H. And no contact since Monday.<P>Then last night (11:00p) the phone rings, the ans machine kicks in and it's my H. Says I've been fighting the urge to call you for three days and nights, and I just couldn't do it anymore. Are you there?<P>I don't know why ... I just couldn't pick up the phone. I tried to make myself, but I couldn't.<P>He said okay, I'll try to call you again sometime later, I love you, bye. Click.<P>I felt so gulity. I hurt for him.<P>What am I doing? I consider myself still in Plan A, but why am I doing this? Am I playing a game w/him, I don't want to. My relationship w/my H means everything to me. I care about him and want him to be happy. And I want him back but not like it was.<P>Anyone have a clue why I'm so reluctant to talk to him?<P>------------------<BR>Jo<P>Josie_Res@Hotmail.com<P>"Remain flexible like a reed, as opposed to an oak that will snap in the wind"

No, I don't think your playing a game. I'm the same way. When my wife calls, she uses a callng card so her number doesn't show up on the caller ID. I wait for the answering machine to pick up. If it's her, I don't answer. Almost always I wait for the kids to pick up.<P>It's pretty rough when trying to maintain ANY type of relationship when they aren't home. Hang on.<P>------------------<BR>Prayers & God Bless!<BR>Chris<BR>For relationship info check out <A HREF="http://www.pcisys.net/~chriscal1/resources.html" TARGET=_blank>Marriage & Relationship Resources</A>

My H was gone for only three weeks when we separated. I was much the same way, though without an answering machine. The phone would ring and my heart would race, hoping it was him, terrified it would be him. Wanting to answer, letting the kids answer instead. I'd hear his voice, want to tell him I loved him, instead I'd say "what do you want?"<P>It's not a game. For me, and probably for you as well, it was my defenses kicking in. They still do. It's been four months and just last week he went out of town. I needed time away from him so I used his trip to do so and asked that he not call me. When he did, I was very cold towards him, unintentionally, yet inside I was so happy he called me before I caved in and called him.<P>And then because he called, it brought back painful thoughts that I was trying to escape and I ended up calling him only hours later because I couldn't stand not talking to him. But once that urge was satisfied, I was okay and able to get myself back in order.<P>I would say just let yourself feel whatever it is you need to feel. Don't read anything into your own actions. There are enough feelings going on without second guessing yourself. When you are able to talk to him, you will. You didn't this time because despite what you thought you wanted, something else inside you simply wasn't ready.<P>Like I said, it's not a game you are playing. Your ability to talk to him are going to come and go. This time they were gone. It's that simple!<P>...but that's just my opinion!

I think that it's not a game. But you don't want to hurt anymore than you are already. You know that if he say's something wrong it will bring back all the confusion and pain again. I do the same thing sometimes. Especially when I am in angry, thinking mode. I don't want to make it worse for me, meaning getting myself more upset, so I don't answer as not to have to deal with him. Sometimes it's easier on us when we don't hear/see them, because our expectations won't be shattered. Make sense?

Thanks Chris, Is There Hope and Trying2_4Give. I think I understand ...<P>So what I'm hearing is I'm trying to protect myself from feeling bad or worse by not talking to him. Guess I'm just not at a place right now where I can handle it.<P>I talked w/my counselor yesterday. She elluded that there is something heavier going on with my H than the infidelity or OW. Sd the situation is more profoundly complicated than I think. She wants to talk to me about it in next session.<P>The manner and way in which she was saying this made me scared, like there's some deep dark secret my H has that he's finally shared w/counselor and now she needs to tell me.<P>Gosh, I hope this is just my imagination running away w/me. When you're in this mess you tend to imagine the worse.<P>------------------<BR>Jo<P>Josie_Res@Hotmail.com<P>"Remain flexible like a reed, as opposed to an oak that will snap in the wind"

oh, by the way, though i told H not to call me, i think of any way i can to get in touch with him, keep writing him emails, let the 2yo leave a message on his cell phone...look for him online constantly. he left a message last night, and said, "ill talk to you on monday", and im dying to talk to him, but i wont call him or answer the phone.<BR>nope, not a game, just pure defense, everyone's right on that, i think.