Today, 3 years ago, I came home from work early & found my h & his mother taking his stuff & packing his truck. We took a drive & talked, & I found out he'd been having an ema for 6 mos. We decided to work on our marriage.<P>After 6 more mos of him cont. the affair & denying, he started honestly working on it. We are doing good now.<P>But it still hurts! In '97 the week went like this: Sunday was fathers day. He spent the night at "his bosses" house because it was too far to drive home. Mon. (16th) the kids & I went to the zoo & stopped by his restaurant to eat. They gave him his present ("Oh, look what someone else gave me - a Braves cup too), he was distant. Tues. he picked a fight w/ me & left for work eaarly. Didn't come home. Wed. didn't come home. Thur. the 19th was d day. <P>You'd think he'd remember. Yesterday, Fathers day, I was overly sensitive to the date, & as he was cooking b'fast he told 1 of the kids to "leave him alone". That did it. I grabbed the laundry & stormed off to town to do it. Only I didn't do it - I drove to another town & wasn't coming home until night. At least this fathers day he'd be w/ his kids.<P>When I came home (1/2 hour later - I always cave in), we talked. He doesn't understand why I was upset. Is it a guy thing about anniversaries? Or am I really carrying on too long? I think what ever I feel has to be dealt w/, not pushed away & forgotten.<P>Sometimes it is too much to give, give, give. I told him that he expects recognition for his work around the farm, but doesn't give me any for my work on my book (I think it's because I haven't made any $ yet writing). He agreed. We both said we'd work on it.<P>I didn't want to give this day any specail attention. I planned on ignoring it. But here I am, on the verge of tears, over a stupid date on the calendar. <P>I don't want flowers from him, I don't want a date, what I really want is to go over to the OW's house & pop her right in her lying mouth.<P>Wow, what a vent. So unlike the nice sweet Kallie. Sometimes there is a wild person in me who never got to go out & do all the wild things I think I should have. <P>I need a vacation. Thanks for listening.

I'm so sorry you are reliving the pain. I'm glad you can vent here and get the support you need. I am also glad you are working on your marraige.<P>I relive my nightmare each day. My H moved out in Feb. he is involved in an intense ea with a coworker who also moved out into her own apt...with her H running cirlcles around her taking care of her kids. <P>My H goes to work with her every day... I have no idea when else they see eachother or talk to each other. All I know is that he and I were doing well at spring break time when she was away for a week and we wnet away for a week and he started having memories. She got scared an dmoved out. Now they are saying they don't want to get married and that they just enjoy being coworkers and stuff...<P>I really can't take it anymore. I am in planB to get over him and work on myself. But it is hard. I loved him so much and he was my best friend. Little did I know he was cultivating (or she was) another friendship at work. Now I know why the workaholism made him so distant last year. We still made love to each other, but he was more emotionally distant last summer. I just thought it was work...stupid me...it was work wasn;t it.<P>It is so amazing that they can then not want to kiss you or make love to you because they feel they are cheating on the "soulmate". It is actually bizaar really.<P>These emotional, unrequited love things are so fantastical...and so tragic really. Too bad I have 3 small children who have to live it too. sorry, guess I vented too.<P>Hang in there... You are in my thoughts.

Hi Kallie,<P>Oh how I can relate to your post-lol-or vent as you call it.<P>D-Day for me was June 1, 1999. But the pa started between my H and best friend JUne 16, 1997-which just happened to be my 40th birthday. Nope-they weren't even drunk No excuse other than lack of smarts if you ask me.<P>I just had my birthday last week. I asked my H not to get me anything and to not wish me a Happy Birthday as all I can think of is them 3 years ago. I wish I had more control over where my mind chooses to wander but until I have gotten over all that was done behind my back and all of her lies I will struggle with those "days" and those "little reminders". <P>I didn't just lose my trust for one person I lost the trust I had in the two most favorite people in my life. If I didn't have any feelings then I am sure I wouldn't be suffering. But I am happy to know that I am a decent human being that does indeed care and if that means I suffer longer than so be it.<P>To answer your question about men and anniversaries. I am guessing that your H simply does NOT wish to relive the wrong he did. I assume that those who are the betraying would like nothing more than to forget and pretend it never happened.<P>I wish you the best-hang in there!<P><P>------------------<BR>*heartache*<BR>"Loyalty Is A Two Way Street"<BR>

TooTrusting,<BR>Isn't the coworker affair just maddening? When we moved away from all my friends to this new state in '96 & met all h's new employees, I had no idea the OW to be was one of them. <P>At Xmas '96 the OW was taking classes in restaurant management & served our family a cherry pie she "made for class." I don't know if they were having an affair yet then, but h was wierd that day. <P>I could never make a pie crust until then. (first one I made ended up against the wall) But after I found out it was the cherry pie lady he was sleeping w/, I started practising. Made a blackberry one the other day that h said could win a blue ribbon. That's one good thing that ccame out of it <P>Heartache;<BR>Thanks. 3 years is a long time, but also a short time. <P>I told my H that I wish I could just take an eraser & get rid of those memories. <BR>It bothers me immensely that he & she planned his departure from our house. When he didn't "come home" as expected she called in the a.m. He didn't answer. After he left there were 32 "Jack, pick up"'s on the machine (it only held a 30 second message). <P>I know she will never apologize, even if she were sorry. I have to learn how to deal w/ that, but does anyone have any suggestions of how?<P>I still want to walk into her work & ask her if she's slept w/ anyone's H lately. Is there any harm in that? Seriously.<P>I feel very wicked tonite.