Two years of pain. Two years of anger. Two years of work.<P>I'm tired.<P>I have tried to feel for him again. He keeps telling me that I do care for him, but that I am just too guarded to feel it. I feel this is just more evidence of his arrogance.<P>I find that I can not handle what he did. I don't have good and wonderful memories of a marriage we had before that just went bad. I have nothing to fall back on because I don't remember good times with him. I remember insults, belittling and being made to feel unimportant. I remember the way he isolated me and called it protection. I remember years of having no friends because I couldn't find someone that would pass his "test" of being worthy of anything beyond criticism from him. Everyone is either an "idiot" or a "moron". I remember arguments and the constant "his way or my way", never "our way".<P>Even the birth of our children brings back the memories of the arguments over names and how I wasn't allowed to name them what I really wanted to because he refused to "give my family the honor" of naming "his kids" after them.<P>He moved me from my family to isolate me and keep me to himself. Even now he won't even consider moving back even if the opportunity arose.<P>Now I can't even tolerate the little things that I normally could overlook. I realize that he is just a mean person. He is mean to small animals and insulting to children.<P>I always knew he was selfish, but never admitted just how selfserving he is.<P>My TAKER has taken over. I have nothing else to give to this man. I wouldn't make a good wife anymore, anyway, not anymore.<P>HIs affair has opened my eyes to so many things, mainly that I do not have to let him take care of me anymore. I can take care of myself and be much happier, or atleast have more self-esteem.

Not all marriages are meant to be saved. It seems that you did not have a very good marriage before the affair and in that case moving on may be the best thing for all involved.

Oh Lulu,<P>Are you sure? Can you remember the reasons you fell in love with him and married him? Are any of those still there?<P>He does sound like a very unhappy person, and you certainly have the right to move on and have a good life, but please please make sure before you decide.<P>Was he this way before the affair? Did he always say belittling things to you? Yes, it sounds like he is an arrogant man, but so is my H and I must say his arrogance was one of the qualities that attracted me to him. There is a certain type of man in this world that is just like this. They are tough as hell to deal with. They are self-serving and critical. I believe they are the hardest type of people to deal with, but you once loved him despite all of his faults...can you find a spark of that love still in your heart?<P>Two years is a long time to work on things, just to let all of your progress go. It's natural for a betrayed spouse to feel this way, but think about the times you would have loved for him to tell you that he knows you care about him. It sounds like he is trying.<P>Please take care...and think on this for a few days.<BR>allison