June 25 will be my 12 year wedding anniversary and for the first time in those 12 years I will not be with my wife. I am 37, father of three wonderful girls and was also involved in a 9 month affair that was discovered, supposedly ended, only to start again and be discovered again. This has all happened within the last year, with the most recent occurrence being early May. My wife (Suz) and I have been separated since then, but I am spending much time at our house doing odd jobs, and being with the kids. Suz and I have also managed to get out together a few times, but things are very "tense".<P>So much as happened in our lives these past 5 years, the biggest being the construction of a new home. We did 85% of the building ourselves and all the time I spent working at the house took its toll on our relationship. We both recognize that we became two different people and since moving into house have not been able to find each other. Very scared now, that too much emotional damage has been inflicted for us to ever begin rebuilding. As I have been here at home while she is away...it has given me much time to reflect upon us and to kow in my heart that she and the girls are what I need in my life...praying that with time she will allow me back into her life.<P>Guess that I am rambling, but this is all new to me. I apologize<P>Todd

Todd,<BR>I will be praying for you and your wife, and for the restoration of your marriage. God bless

Welcome <B>Todd</B>...<P>I have a post of general welcome I wish to share with you... <P>It has a lot of quick links to many of the <B>most</B> important MB sites...<BR>Click here ==> <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/forum/Forum29/HTML/000002.html" TARGET=_blank>General Welcome for All New Builders(Newbies)</A><P><B>About your post</B>...<P><B>You are not alone</B>!!!<P>There are many Wayward Spouses(WS) that come to this forum in the hopes of reclaiming their marriages.<P>For practical steps... read my <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/forum/Forum29/HTML/000002.html" TARGET=_blank>Welcome</A>... and follow the links..<P>You'll want to start off with a plan of action...<BR>...in your case it will be <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi8113_ab.html" TARGET=_blank>Plan A</A>!<P>You can find an excellent discussion of this material in the book <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi6070_sa.html" TARGET=_blank>"Surviving An Affair"(SAA)</A>...<P>Until you get it... <BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR>Plan A: Avoid <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi3401_angry.html" TARGET=_blank>angry outbursts</A>, <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi3402_disrespect.html" TARGET=_blank>disrespectful judgments</A>, <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi3404_selfish.html" TARGET=_blank>selfish demands</A>, <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi3403_annoy.html" TARGET=_blank>annoying behavior</A> and <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi3405_dishonesty.html" TARGET=_blank>dishonesty</A> (i.e. <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi3400_lovebust.html" TARGET=_blank>Love Busters</A>!) at all costs. (page 75 of SAA)...<B>and</B> at the same time, if your spouse would let the you, you should try to meet your spouse's most important <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi3300_needs.html" TARGET=_blank>Emotional Needs</A> (page 77 of SAA) that is...<BR><OL TYPE=1><LI> <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi3305_aff.html" TARGET=_blank>Affection</A><BR><LI> <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi3310_sex.html" TARGET=_blank>Sexual Fulfillment</A><BR><LI> <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi3315_conv.html" TARGET=_blank>Conversation</A><BR><LI> <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi3320_rec.html" TARGET=_blank>Recreational Companionship</A><BR><LI> <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi3325_hon.html" TARGET=_blank>Honesty and Openness</A><BR><LI> <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi3330_att.html" TARGET=_blank>An Attractive Spouse</A><BR><LI> <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi3335_fin.html" TARGET=_blank>Financial Support</A><BR><LI> <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi3340_dom.html" TARGET=_blank>Domestic Support</A><BR><LI> <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi3345_fam.html" TARGET=_blank>Family Commitment</A><BR><LI> <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi3350_ad.html" TARGET=_blank>Admiration</A></OL><BR><HR></BLOCKQUOTE><P>To get on the "right track to recovery... preofessional can help... if it is the right kind of help... If after reading the information at this site...I'd consider a couple of <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi7200_phone.html" TARGET=_blank>telephone counseling sessions</A> (~$95US a pop... but well worth it) with <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi7010_about.html" TARGET=_blank>Steven W. Harley</A> or Jennifer Harley. Check out the <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi7000_counsel.html" TARGET=_blank>Counseling Center</A>... and for some specifics... <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi7015_fee.html" TARGET=_blank>Fees for Counseling Services</A> and <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi7020_sched.html" TARGET=_blank>Scheduling an Appointment</A> (888-639-1639)!<BR>If you can get your wife involved in this counseling... the better... if not go it alone!<P>Stay here for support...<BR>It's free... and you won't find a better group of people anywhere in the world!<P>Do read my <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/forum/Forum29/HTML/000002.html" TARGET=_blank>Welcome</A>...<P>Prayers for you and your family.<BR>...please love those girls!<P> <P>Jim

Welcome Todd,<BR> My H too thought there was nothing that could fix all that was broken in our marriage after his EA.Your W, she's been twice burned with discovery and rediscovery.It's going to take her a long time to trust you again.I am here to tell you that if you use the tools here and in the book SAA you have a very good chance of bringing healing to your marriage.Ask her to come here too,we can help her also,we know how it feels.<P>H and I (we are both 37)are now in our 9th month of recovery.Our marriage is better than we'd ever dreamed it could be.It's been work and mostly we've given each other the gift of our time.I've given him the gift of forgiveness and he's given me the gift of an incredible change in himself as a man.The efforts he puts forth in and for this marriage surpass anything he's ever done before.He's stated, like you stated in your post, that he knows his wife and 3 kids are what he REALLY needs.There are many others here in situations just like yours,and a good amount of success stories floating around to gain strength from.<P>You must win her love back,you have much to prove.First and foremost, you must never have any contact with OW, ever again. That is the first requirement for healing your marriage.W must also acknowledge she has some part in this,no responsibility for your behavior,but for her part in what brought the marriage to such a vulnerable point.<P>Good luck Todd and prayers for you, your wife and your children!

Thank You for comments. I will stay here and hopefully bring W along too. She arrives home on Monday. <BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by mthrrhbard:<BR><B>Welcome Todd,<BR> My H too thought there was nothing that could fix all that was broken in our marriage after his EA.Your W, she's been twice burned with discovery and rediscovery.It's going to take her a long time to trust you again.I am here to tell you that if you use the tools here and in the book SAA you have a very good chance of bringing healing to your marriage.Ask her to come here too,we can help her also,we know how it feels.<P>H and I (we are both 37)are now in our 9th month of recovery.Our marriage is better than we'd ever dreamed it could be.It's been work and mostly we've given each other the gift of our time.I've given him the gift of forgiveness and he's given me the gift of an incredible change in himself as a man.The efforts he puts forth in and for this marriage surpass anything he's ever done before.He's stated, like you stated in your post, that he knows his wife and 3 kids are what he REALLY needs.There are many others here in situations just like yours,and a good amount of success stories floating around to gain strength from.<P>You must win her love back,you have much to prove.First and foremost, you must never have any contact with OW, ever again. That is the first requirement for healing your marriage.W must also acknowledge she has some part in this,no responsibility for your behavior,but for her part in what brought the marriage to such a vulnerable point.<P>Good luck Todd and prayers for you, your wife and your children!</B><HR></BLOCKQUOTE><P>