Inamess,<P>I hope you are still reading this thread.<P>First, anything I say is offered to try to help, I hear your desperation.<P>I was the betrayed, but felt the loneliness of an absent h on top of his infidelity, so I know it only too well.<P>Why does God not answer, you asked??<P>I don't believe God waves a magic wand and overrides basic principles. Truth in life is a lot like the law of gravity. If you are trying to go against it, it just won't work.<P>You can't change your h, only work on yourself. Did you read Az Allison's thread to NoMas? It was very good, and directly related to the fact your h will not "wake up" until you come clean. You mentioned he does not know it was a PA, or how much in-love you are.<P>I think you know deep down that only a real in-loveness with your h will make you happy and able to leave OM behind. AND IT WON'T HAPPEN JUST BECAUSE YOU PRAY FOR IT.<P>You can show love to someone that is not very lovable (Plan A), but you can't make yourself feel in-love! He has to wake up and start meeting your needs! He needs to grow up and detach from daddy. The same Bible says "A man shall leave his father and mother and cling to his wife".<P>But you have not done all you can until you tell him all, and try all you can to help him help you. (That's a lot of alls).<P>Please read the Allison's thread. And think about what I said...<P>------------------<BR>Cindy

Heartache,<BR>Thank you for your post. My H has hurt me before in the past and for years I felt just like you. The only person I could depend upon was myself and Jesus. Unfortunately I didn't keep that opinion and ended up with OM. If I could have stayed independent this wouldn't of happened. On the flip side though I am experiencing feeling good and bad like I haven't in years. By relying on myself I blocked out anything that could hurt me. This kept away the good feelings too. I want to come to a middle ground and be able to open up to my H and feel again. My time with OM has shown me that I am capable of feeling.<BR>Tenderheart

inamess<P>Although I don't remember your story, I want to tell you what I told my husband in regards to his desire, in the past, to see OW.<P>OP *can't* make you happy or fulfilled. <P>That my dear, comes from within.<P>You aren't running TO something you are running AWAY from something.<P>That something is YOU.<P>Humans can't make other humans happy they can only bring out their happiness.<P>Something needs fixing, and inamess, that is you.<P>Get into counseling and find out why you aren't happy with YOU.<P>God Speed,<P>FC<P>

It's me again. I was going through my e-mail today and wanted to share something with you. It is called "Your Life Support System". Basically it is a thinking thing I get daily via e-mail. It usually has a good message for me!<P><BR>BLUEBIRD OF HAPPINESS<P>A sign in a pet store read, "If anybody has seen the Bluebird of<BR>Happiness, would you please notify this pet store?"<P>Happiness seems to be in short supply for many people. If the<BR>results of recent surveys can be trusted, there is a general<BR>decline of happiness in today's world. And people were not all<BR>that cheerful a few years back! It was Oliver Wendell Holmes who<BR>stated, "I might have been a minister for aught I know, if a<BR>certain clergyman had not looked and talked like an undertaker."<BR>(I have to say, though, that some clergy and undertakers I've<BR>known could teach the rest of us something about joy!)<P>Joy and happiness are not always the same things. Happiness can<BR>be thought of as more of a temporary, emotional condition, often<BR>based on outside circumstances. Joy, on the other hand, is<BR>deeper. We can be basically joyful, regardless of a particular<BR>unhappy situation that we may be enduring. It is often just a<BR>matter of keeping perspective on our troubles, and especially<BR>when those troubles seem to be in long supply.<P>You may know the story of the man who had a marvelous way of<BR>keeping joy in his life. He was a carpenter. He followed the same<BR>ritual every day when he came home from the job. He stopped by a<BR>small tree in his front yard and placed his hand on a couple of<BR>branches. Then, when he walked into his home, it was as if a<BR>magical transformation had occurred. All of a sudden, the stress<BR>was lifted from him. He became energetic and joyful, able to<BR>fully interact with his children and his wife.<P>He explained it this way: "That tree is my trouble tree. When I<BR>come home I stop by the tree and, just like I leave my tools in<BR>the truck, I leave my troubles outside of my home. I hang them on<BR>that tree before greeting my family. Anything that does not have<BR>to come in my house stays outside. Anything which I do not have<BR>to deal with at home, I leave on that tree. And in the morning, I<BR>stop by the tree and pick up the troubles I left there in the<BR>evening."<P>Then he adds, "It's a funny thing, though. Every morning I always<BR>find fewer troubles hanging there than I remembered the night<BR>before."<P>Here is a man who has no doubt seen the Bluebird of Happiness.<BR>Chances are, it is nesting in a tree just outside his home!<P>I hope this helps you today! Once again-best wishes!!<P><BR><P>------------------<BR>*heartache*<BR>"Loyalty Is A Two Way Street"<BR>

Hang in there, Inamess.<P>You said that you don't think your marriage is going to last if God doesn't start changing hearts. Have you asked him to change yours?<P>The only person in this world you have any hope of changing is you. Hold on to yourself tightly--it's scary--but let go of everything else and stay focused on being the best You you can be.<P>Good luck with your H and your FIL. It sounds like a hard road. You can make it. You have to know you can.<P>All the best. --HBC<P>------<BR>Let there be peace on earth, and let it begin with me.

Schizzo, Thenderheart, Fingers Crossed, Heartache, and HBC<P>Thanks so so much for your replies. I need them so bad right now. I dont know what I would without this forum.<P>I WONT CONTACT OM. I know to much about what would happen. God has strenghtend me. PRAISE HIM!<P>First, Your right Schizzo. God wont wave a magic wand. I just feel like I am just hanging. I just pray that God transforms me into the wife that he wants me to be. <BR>I have talked and talked about the time thing. I have said to to to many times that we need to spend mote time together thatn just on Sunday at church. My H is so scared of his father that it is SICK! You could not even imagine. My BIL told mw that he has never in his life seen anything like it. He said that it was like a 5 year old kid. I BIL thinks the world of my H. They are like brothers. I have read him the verse out of the bible about "the 2 shall become one". <P>I really dont think that he has any intention of doing anything about it. If he does, then dad is going to throw the "YOU DONT CARE ABOUT ME FIT" Then his sugar will go up. That is H biggest fear. Not that he is the only person in the world with diabetes. He has to have complete comtrol of H life. It has always been this way. That is how this started. Hid dad hates me. Not that I have ever done anything to him. He doesnt know about the affair. So he has no reason. <BR>I really dont think H is going to give on that matter. That was part of the ageement when I came back.<P>Next, Folks. I cannot tell him about the "love" that I have for OM. It would crush him. You guys dont know the way he reacted when I told him about it. The first thing was "IF YOU SLEPT WITH HIM THEN GET OUT!. I do not want to hurt him anymore. I am not hurting him now. He is perfectly content with our realationship the way it is. He has always been. I told him that I wasnt in love with him anymore. He told me that when I think of OM. To look at him as satan! <BR>He told me he wished I would have never told him. I have dropped every hint in the world for him toask me ? about it. Just so I could talk. HE DOES NOT WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT!!<P>Tenderheart,<BR> Honey I was the oppisite. I had decided to live in my own world. 2 years later I was in an affair. I decided to be independent. That is what got me to where I was. God Bless you Honey! <P>FC,<BR> What do u think I need. I am in counseling. Remember I had a nervous breakdown 3 years after we were married. H admitted that it was his fault. Mine to I must admit. I put to much pressure on myself when i should have said "screw it" My cousleor just listens though. I dont think I get results with her. I could tell her that I commited murder and she would ask me of I felt better. What do I need to look for in a counselor? You may not be able to answer that. I understand though. <BR>My confidence level os just now starting to improve. h use to degreade all the TIME! SO that she has helped with. <P>HBC,<BR>Honey! I have had a reallll change of heart. The night I found this place I hit my kees and asked God "what do I do?" Gove me signs. That is when I found this site. You guys told me to confess the affair. I did that! To the extent that he would accept it. I think that hs hurt more than help. God has really brought me very close to him at this time. I find myself talking to him all the time. I just need to see effort. God is the only reason I am here. I feel no love for H at all. I was starting to about the first 3 weeks after I confessed. Then Dad had to throw a fit! ARRGGGGGGGGGG!<P>Schizzo,<BR>What are some of hte things you think I need to work on? I am trying to build self-esttem since I feel like a loser for the PA. I am trying to really succeed at my job. Which this doesnt help when your all alone all day and night. <BR>Thanks so much for the help.<P>Thanks to you all. <BR>What should be my steps. I know counsleing. I must need to find another. I just hate going through this whole story again. <P>H and I will be on vacation next week. Just the 2 of us. This will be the first time that we have spent time together since discovery in January. Maybe that will help.<P>All this is in Gods hands now!<BR>Thanks "Family"<BR>Renee<P><BR><P>------------------<BR>We can do all things through Christ which strengthens us. Repeat that 5 times a day. I promise you success!

By the way guys,<BR> I am over the Om wanting thing for now! It just comes and goes in "spurts". Then it will pass. I have been playing a game with myself. I have been counting the weeks in between the "OM DROPOFF" (that is what i call it. The weeks are getting longer and longer in between. I am now hitting about every 6 weeks. PRAISE THE LORD!!<P>------------------<BR>We can do all things through Christ which strengthens us. Repeat that 5 times a day. I promise you success!