How do you deal with your spouses bad days? For me it has been 7 weeks since D-Day and he has evenings where he is totally inconsolable and needs to be in silence. We are no longer yelling and I am trying my hardest not to love bust at all. Of course I have bad days as well.<p><P>Anyway today I registered for the retrouville program and am very hopeful. I keep thinking where I want to be one year from now ...do I want a real marriage of the same as it is today so I am trying so hard to do everything in my power to save our marriage and make it better than ever.<p><P>Good signs to me are that he cares. Some of his comments tell me that he must or he wouldn'tbe asking such things. So while his pain is very intense right now I know he cares. <p><P>Btw my affair is completely over and has been for some time. My husband was contempating an affair and that is what led to D-Day. Also I had become a monster at home and confession was my only way out.<p>

LST -<P>My H doesn't really have any "bad days" - either that or he hides his feelings very well.<P>As the WS, I have gone through a rollercoaster of emotions - similar to other WSs on this sight. I used to have more bad days than good days, but that's changing now.<P>Anyway, my H has never been to this site, so he doesn't know what Plan A is exactly. I tried to explain it to him once, but he was carrying out its principles wonderfully without any guidance.<P>I'm the one with the bad days - so how does he handle my bad days? The best way that he can, I guess. He is patient; he is kind; and he is caring. Sometimes, he must feel like a contortionist the way he bends over backwards to make me laugh or feel better. I can be a bit "high maintenance." <P>Sometimes, I can be very reclusive and not want to talk at all. In those times, he tries to ask questions, but when I'm not responsive or tell him that I don't feel like talking - he just sits or lays beside me. On those occasions when I get bitterly angry with myself and the situation I created, he listens when I need to vent and he holds me when I need to cry.<P>Every situation is different, every person is different. The thing that helps me come out of my mood, or whatever, is the simple fact that he's there and he lets me know that he cares. He may have other things to do, but he puts it off for a few minutes, hours, whatever it takes to get me to a point where I'm back in the ball game.<P>Like I said, the bad days are getting to be fewer and fewer. They're more like bad moments, on an occasion. <P>You know when you take a long ride in the car - I'm the type of person who can ride for hours and not say anything - not because I'm upset, or that I'm angry, I just enjoy the good company and the change of scenery. When I have free time, I sometimes enjoy not having to think or talk (not all the time - it's just like I need a break). <P>Anyway, my H is the opposite - one of his strongest needs on the EN assessment was conversation. Once, in a joking way, I told him that he could talk the ear off a piece of corn. He likes to talk to anyone about any thing.<P>Anyway, the point I'm trying to make, is we all have different personalities and ways in which we handle conflict. Try to understand your approach, but also understand his. Just by being there, that may make all the difference in the world to him. Hang in there! Retovaille sounds like a good idea, maybe some of the folks here have some experience with that program. Take Care