keystone, <P>Hope everything is ok with you. Have been wondering how the anniversary went. Let us know even if its in the form of a vent. <P>As you would say "chin up"!

FA --<P>Been trying to stay away for a bit since I don't want to keep spreading the negative vibes again.<P>I did get my W an anniversary card. No present, just the card. A funny card, not romantic. Kinda hard to give her anything romantic when I feel nothing romantic whatsoever.<P>She got me...zip. Just like I thought. Well, almost zip. She left my kid's all star practice that night to get a card for me. A funny card, nothing romantic.<P>No hugs, no kiss, no nothing. Happy 16th Anniversary!<P>I can't say we're even talking anymore. Tension, tension, tension.<P>Hope things are better in your camp.<P>--keystone

keystone,<P>Sorry about the anniversary, I think I'll be going through the same thing come October. <P>Not much better here then by you. It just seems no matter how hard either one of us tries anymore its not happening. I think both love banks are totally drained at this point. <P>It doesn't help that I am still dealing with everything alone(just like a single parent)with absouletly no help from H with the girls or the house. And to think he lives here too! Talk about resentment building!<P>Good news D#1 starts individual counseling on Monday night. It took me two months to get her in but I finally did it. She had a lot of problems at the end of the school year due to her suspension and she was lucky she made it through. Now I'm starting to see D#2 having a hard time dealing with her father and saying things she shouldn't, so I have a lot more to deal with in the future. They refuse to go anywhere with him or even stay with him unless I am around.<P>So as you can see its not easy here either. Talk about tension! <P>Keeping a positive attitude!<P>falsely accused

FA --<P>It's been a while since I last checked in, and I've probably been staying away deliberately since I don't feel much like a "marriage builder" these days. Status quo. W still putting no effort forth, and I cannot say that I'm any different.<P>My birthday's this week, so it'll be interesting to see how she treats it. I know that she is planning a big birthday out for a male friend, complete with a limo for their group, etc. Big doings, and lots of preplanning. I'll belucky to rank enough to receive a card!<P>Glad to hear that you got your D#1 into counseling. Has it been successful? Have you been able to separate her from those "friends" that were so influential with her during the school year?<P>Sorry to hear about D#2. Perhaps what she sees in her older sister's defense mechanism with your H is guiding her in how she deals with him. Yes, you have you hands full. I'm pretty sure you say a silent prayer for strength, and it isn't easy raising your kids without the emotional support of your H.<P>How's your health? I don't remember hearing any follow-up from a while back. <P>I'm checking in very inconsistently these days. I'll try to check back more often. Until next time,...<P>(I guess we have nothing to do but to keep your...) Chin Up!<P>--keystone

keystone,<P>Funny I don't know why I came in here today, haven't been for a while. I just thought I would check in and see what is going on here and theres your post.<P>Well before I forget Happy Birthday! <P>You know its funny but sad because I don't even know what to say to you anymore about why your W might be acting that way. There were a lot of similarities in the beginning and now she seems like shes really pushing the limits. <P>As for me I will stick it out here probably for the next 6 years at least. I have to do what I have to for my girls. Although on more then one occasion they have stated that if he left it wouldn't bother them. Not that I like living like this but financially I have no other choice. <P>Come Sept. when the girls go back to school I will be looking for some kind of employment. I know this is not going to go over big with H(he will lose that controlling aspect) but I have to do it for me. I have been leaving the girls more often to do foodshopping or hair appts. so they get the feel of what it is like to here without me for an hour or two and H has not been happy with that at all. Hopefully they will adjust if and when I find something. <P>I can honestly say that the resentment has built a huge wall and I don't think I can overcome this at this point. If things continue around here like they have been it will only get worse. <P>As for D#1 and the counseling, so far so good. She didn't want to go but I felt it was necessary. She is only scheduled for once a week and only 10 sessions due to our insurance. She will also be seeing an art therapist every other visit. She had done some art therapy when she was in the center and the one thing she mentioned to the counselor is that she drew her father as a ghost because he has never been there for her. <P>As far as getting her away from those "friends", as soon as school ended at the end of June I was able end that. But who knows what will happen when she returns in Sept. The counselor said the reason she is hanging with people like that is to make herself feel like she is a better person. Kind of like she knows she is better then them and hanging with them builds that positive feeling up. <P>As for D#2 well I think she is hitting the teens a little early and being her father has not gotten involved in her life she is starting to feel it too. I honestly don't feel it has to do with her sisters reactions because most of that isn't done around her. She stated to me the other night that he never gives her a chance to speak and just expects her to do what he says. So I think she will have her own issues to deal with also. <P>My health is doing pretty good right now. I will go back in Oct for another ultrasound and see whats up with the cysts. Walking as much as I do every night has really been a life saver to me. It keeps me focused and my head clear as to what I have to do. They say exercise is the best medicine and I believe it! <P>Thats the update from here, now I have to go pick up D#2 from computer class.<P>Best wishes for a very happy birthday!<P>falsely accused<BR>

Thanks for the b-day wishes.<P>Yes, exercise is the best medicine. Even if you don't need it for physical health, the ability to clear your head and find another outlet for the frustration is a life saver. In the old days, it even helped me with being an outlet for what would normally be considered LBers.<P>September will be a challenge for D#1. Hopefully the counseling will give her enough confidence and self worth to deal with the peer presures. D#2 seems to be in real need of a constructive outlet for her frustrations. If it's not a positive one, she'll find the first one that comes along. It might not always be a positive one. Be aware -- I'm sure you are.<P>The walls that we have both created around us are unbelieveable, aren't they. I cannot say that I'm looking to tear mine down, either, Scary thought! I just don't have the energy, or now even the desire that I used to have, to rebuild. Sadly, I look at it as hopeless. My W has shown me zip-o in the way of desire to rebuild. I've long since given up hope that a one man band is going to do the trick.<P>Scary thought #2 -- I'm actually finding myself daydreaming about life without her. Sixteen years ago, I would have never, ever thought that way. The idea used to frighten me a few months ago. Now, I'm almost finding it comforting. <P>I know I shoudl step back and reasses things, but I'm not ready. My "train" is starting to leave the station to resume it's "trip" -- she better board soon, or she's gonna be left back at the station! And, my train doesn't have a reverse gear!<P>Stupid analogy, but at least it wasn't vulgar. I'm trying to be a little more cleave in my venting.<P>Anyways, take care. I'll try to check back more often, but at the same time, my time away is allowing me to really assess my own situation without getting it clouded by some of the other folk here's battles.<P>Chin Up!<P>--keystone

FA --<P>FYI, today was my b-day. Had to leave early (5am) for work, so didn't see my family.<P>No call from W or from kids. No e-mail, no card. W finally called at 5pm, but I was in meeting that finished about 7pm. I guess they're out since no answer.<P>I REALLY wanted to hear from my kids, and why they didn't call has me stunned. I can only think that they went out for the day with W, and/or she simply didn't remind them. <P>More FYI: On her b-day, we had shopped a day or two before hand, than met her with cards and gift as she woke up. As a father, I made it a big thing that THEY (the kids) participated in the b-day purchase and presentation. It didn't come from me, it came from them. <P>I guess I shouldn't be surprised by the whole thing. I saw that they did get me a gift -- it was out in the dining room last night. No effort to even hide it. But, I gues I secretly hoped it wouldn't be this way. The whole episode just reinforces my feeling that the marriage is over and done with.<P>Tonight, I'm not rushing home. In fact, I'm going to do a little more stuff at the office to get ahead for next week's assignments. No sense in getting home right away. I may even go out and enjoy a nice dinner (alone), and a margarita.<P>I'll try to check in next week.<P>--keystone

UPDATE 8PM/PST<P>W just paged me. I returned call to home, and talked to one of my kids. He remembered, and wished me happy b-day. Told me that they all hung out around the house today. Lazy day, too hot to do anything.<P>I asked to talk to my W. No mention of b-day at all. Told her I was still working, and would be home "whenever".<P>When is "whenever". I'm considering that it will soon be the "never" in "whenever", but I can't do it to my kids at this very moment.<P>--keystone

keystone,<P>Gotta make this quick. I just dropped D#2 off at computer class and I put the fretlizer down on the lawn and have to go back to pick her up soon. <P>Sorry to hear your kids didn't even think to call you for your birthday. At least you did finally get a happy birthday from one of them. She should have had them call in the morning especailly if all they did was hang around the house all day. <P>I know how you feel about making it a special day. I do that all the time for the kids sake and this is the first year that H dicided to do something for me and have cake. The only problem was I had to do all the setup and cleanup to go with him having cake for me, so I would rather he not do anything then. <P>H cornered me Saturday night and asked me why I was being so distant?!?! Like I haven't told him before. I guess hes just not getting it. As I have said before I can talk till I'm blue in the face and hes just not listening. He only hears what he wants to hear and tunes out to the rest no matter how I say it. <P>I got an email from my girlfriend this morning in which she stated that my H has a real problem with his attitude. (He happened to go look at a car for their son with them at my request.) She said that they were talking and he just doesn't care about anything at all. I told her thats what I have been saying all a long. She couldn't quite put her finger on what the attitude was actually like but I know what she is talking about. <P>At least its not just me who is noticing that H has a problem. I knew it couldn't just be me who saw it. <P>Gotta run. I'll check back later. <P>Remember one day at a time!<P>falsely accused

FA --<P>I'm certain that W's friends think I've got an attitude problem as well. Perhaps the roots of it can be traced back to the fact that I don't appreciate the fact that they go out and party and drink and act generally irresponsibly with my W. Perhaps it is because she has become so close to some of the other sex friends -- the divorced, divorcing, or still single ones. perhaps I don't appreciate the example I feels she sets for my kids at critical years in their development. Perhaps it is because I feel that I have to compete with her friends. <P>I mean, my W has been planning one of her friends (currently divorcing his W) upcoming birthdays. Big doings -- food, limo, drinks, big night out with the other friends. Yet, she cannot even take the time to call her H of 16 years and wish a Happy B-day?!<P>Do I feel sorry for myself? You bet. My b-day dinner was spent at a takeout chicken place since it was the only thing open after I left the office. Of course, I could have left the office earlier, but why? There was nothing to rush home for.<P>She did buy a couple presents -- there's a shock. Shirt -- too small. Shorts -- too large. Some token things for the offcie -- already have them. FYI, had she taken the time to ever come to my office more than once in three years, she might know I already have them!!!!!!<P>I just cannot put the effort forth anymore. I'm tired. I don't have the patience, or energy anymore. Aside from talking to her about the kids, I cannot say we talk about anything anymore. Why? It's a waste of time. She has no feelings for me anymore, and I have to say that I no longer have feelings (other than frustration, anger, and bitterness) about her.<P>Remember, I admitted that I drove her away. I made the attempt to rebuild. I was the one wanting to go to counseling. She has done nothing -- but hang with her friends, drink, read books, and generally withdraw from anything and everything in my life.<P>Wish I could offer something positive. I can't. <P>I've done a trial with Plan A. She reacted as though I was stiffling her, smoothering her. I could Plan B, I guess, but why? It comes a time when you have to decide if it's all worth it anymore. The kids are the only thing that keep me here -- kinda like you. But, why subject the kids to it, too?<P>It was wierd. I took my wedding ring off today during a meeting. Left it off for an hour or so. Wierd. At first I didn't feel "whole". By the time the meeting was over, it felt strange to put the ring back on.<P>--keystone

keystone,<P>Gotta make this quick again, D has to be picked up shortly.<P>I can understand where you say they must think you have an attitude. There is one slight difference in our situations. My H does not have to compete with my friends. I rarely ever see my friends because they all work. I am only out of the house(too much work to do around here) if I have the girls with me or when I leave for shorty over an hour to walk. <P>I know for a fact my H feels he has to compete with the girls and thats sad. If he was more involved with them then he wouldn't feel this way. Dealing with all the things I have this year with the girls I have to be here for them. I am the one dealing with the counselor and all the crap that is going on. I tried to sit an explain what the counselor said after D#1's first visit and he just didn't seem too interested. If it doesn't have to do with HIM he really doesn't want to discuss it. If I try to it goes in one ear and out the other.<P>I can see how frustrating it can be from your point and from mine and when only one wants to work on it its extremely hard. Whenever H does things for me that some might take as trying I feel that stiffling feeling too. That wall of resentment is just so huge and I honestly don't know how to break it down. I know this is a problem I have to deal with but how? I got into bed the other night and just started crying again. I am totally at a loss as to where to go from here. I'm tired! I guess I sound a bit like you with that. <P>Speaking of wedding rings I knocked down the little container mine on in on the window sill in the kitchen the other day(if you remember they have been there for the better part of 2 years now) and I went to put it on and it felt really funny to have it on. I don't feel like there is a marriage or partnership here. I can't bring myself to wear them. H never wears his due to his job. <P>Time to run. <P>falsely accused<P><BR>

FA --<P>Maybe I should start surfing the "Divorced/Divorcing" area of the site, since I feel like that time is fast approaching. I've been thinking about making that known to my W in the next month or so. God, I just worry about the kids and their reactions.<P>There is just so much unhappiness and tension in the house, it seems that it's better to leave than to stay. Even when we go out as a family, we never sit next to each other, or across from each other. Never make eye contact, or even share idle chat. Why continue this way?<P>What do you know about separation vs. outright divorce? Would I be best served in just moving out and trying some time separated? I don't hold much hope that we'd get back together, but any thoughts would be appreciated.<P>--keystone

keystone,<P>Wow, I can really relate to what you are saying. I haven't been feeling good the past two days(that time again) and last night I had to run D#1 all over the place. She had her first keyboard lesson and then on to counseling we went. (Which by the way seems to be going really good for her so far.) We walked in right before H walked in and he asked me how she made out at her lesson but never mentioned the counseling session then he went to bed. I felt as if there is really no communication anymore.<P>On the sepration or outright divorce matter, well I have a feeling that either way it will effect the kids some how. As far as your W maybe thats the shock she really needs to change her ways. Depending on the CA laws you might not be able to do the outright divorce without the separation anyway. Lets face it its like we are living totally separate lives anyway, just happends to be in the same house. <P>Maybe if you ask her straight out what she thinks about it you will finally get your answer. Just don't put it in a way that leaves the decision up to her because she will resent that and won't give you an answer. When H did that to me I swore I wouldn't answer him because I felt like he was leaving it up to me to kick him out. <P>I outright asked H if he wanted to separate until he figured out what he wants out of his life and if he really wanted to put forth the effort to try. He said if he leaves he leaves for good. <P>So here we sit still together and not really communicating and the love being drained.<P>Sorry if I can't come up with a better answer then that for you. Whatever you decide just make sure the kids know that its not them that is making you two split. Make it known to them(they are old enough) that it a problem between you and your W. I can say from experience as the kids get older the unhappiness in the house will finally take its toll on them when they reach those teen years.<P>falsely accused

FA --<P>I do appreciate your honesty. No sense in dodging the issue or watering it down. And, yes, there's the issue about the kids.<P>Just this week two young kids in So Cal were killed by some other kids in an apparent drug deal. Victims were 13 and 14. Stories say that one victim started straying into the "bad crowd" just after his parents divorced. <P>Don't think it doesn't cross my mind. I know it does yours, and you're having to battle first hand. (BTW, I really admire you for that. I can't be easy. It has to be humbling for you and your D#1.) I just cannot help but ask, which environment is more destructive to the kids? I can be selfish about me -- apparently I am acording to W -- and leave. Or, I can just suck it up and stick it out.<P>Either way, there seems a price to pay.<P>The thing that amazes me is how it all just totally evaporates -- the love, the feelings, the happiness. My house is a cold, dreary place now. I can't believe how my life has totally be flipped over! When is that shock going to hit her? I think I've given up waiting...<P>--keystone

keystone,<P>Hey don't ask what I'm doing up this late here on the east coast! LOL I'll put it nicely, I dislike snoring people! I figured I would get back to you now because I probably won't be back online again until late tomorrow night. <P>Thanks for the kind words. I will say what I am going through with my D is not easy, but I feel really good that I am getting her the help she deserves. She is a good kid at heart and I hate to see her waste her life. It was hard for me last night when the counselor asked about why she was there and I had to explain about the suspension and how I was the one that turned her in. Brought back a lot of mix up feelings for me.<P>I guess you can say I'm the one sucking it up and sticking it out for the sake of the girls, is this the right answer?! I guess its true that either way the kids lose. Living in an unhappy home is unhealthy, and to them living with one parent is unhappy. <P>Are you being selfish if you decide to leave? I don't think so your just trying to make it a happy, healthy environment for the kids.<P>A cold dreary house is not the way kids should be brought up and they will eventually feel it. I know whether we stay together until the girls get older or not it will still effect them. They have said to me they just want everyone to be happy. I think thats the key. <P>Eventually living like this they too will lose the love and start to take sides, which is something I have been trying to aviod in my house. Although my senerio is a little different then yours in that perspective. <P>It also amazes me how much the love, feelings and happiness get depleted after living like this for so long. Thats one thing my H doesn't see. He doesn't understand why I feel the way I do. <P>The counselor said to me last night when I explained whats going on with D#1 and her dad that it sounds like he is going through MLC. Sound familiar! <P>Good luck with whatever you decide. Keep us posted!<P>falsely accused

Hi Keystone and FA -<P>I hope you don't mind my jumping in, I follow along with you guys quite often.<P>I am so sad.....I sit here and don't know what to say that you both haven't heard or seen here before. I struggle with new ways to put things that might help you both to get out of the tense oppression that comprises your home atmosphere.<P>I can't come up with anything, so I have been silent.....<P>I think that the best way to show my concern is to relate what I have experienced.....I am not sure how much either of you know of my story, but I have been dealing with this for a few years.<P>I existed for 2 1/2 of them feeling exactly like you two are right now. Spouse doing their thing, not relating to me at all, life sucks, can't shake the hellish weight on your soul.....<P>Wanting to change things, not knowing how exactly and then not giving a sh't - then back to "how".....It is a constant state of anxiety!!! Nothing is good, nothing feels good, nothing is important, nothing can move forward or even backward - just STUCK!!!!<P>So, I moped along......<P>There were two big differences in my case......<P>1) No kids (Thank God because I couldn't have gotten through)<P>2) I hadn't found MB and didn't know ANYTHING!!! As far as I thought, I was in a life stranglehold that noone would ever believe - let alone experience.<P>THEN - I found MB and within a month I could breathe again.....I could start to remove the BIG ROCK off of myself!!! I used the info here to understand how this stuff happens, what factors into it, what I could do to effect it and most importantly....I WAS NOT ALONE IN IT!!!!<P>This knowledge and working through my self-doubts and discovering that I HAD A CHOICE ON HOW I WANTED TO FEEL started me on the road of living without "rocks" weighing me down.<P>Yes, my H was being very disrespectful, he was irrational, a liar, a sneak, a cheat, a blatent a$$......<P>But you know, I could see how it all happened, I could see why he still behaved this way and I UNDERSTOOD that this was something that HE would have to work through IN HIS TIME - NOT MINE.<P>So, what to do for my own sanity?<P>I suppose that at some point, I realized that he was not responsible for MY SANITY - I WAS!!! If I wanted to feel better, than I had to start acting like I wanted to. Had to completely retrain my thinking from "what is he doing, giving, up to" to who did I want to be and what did I want to do, how did I want my HOME atmosphere.<P>When I learned the factors involved with infidelity, I was able to understand and plan.....I had a goal for myself (first of all) and then for the attempt at creating the atmosphere that I wanted MY marriage to be like.<P>The house lightened up, the tension eased.....not because he changed anything, but because I DID!!!!<P>I don't know if any of this can help you guys......I just know that you don't have to continue to feel like you are. <P>YOU DO have the power to change the tone of your life and household with an attitude adjustment of getting rid of your "rock" from your spirits and DECIDING that it doesn't all rest on your spouses to comply with you or to give to you or anything (it would be nice and would certainly alleviate most of what is wrong) because you are in charge of your own day to day existance.<P>Your spouses have confusion and whatever going on....you are both the "clear" ones and yet you act just like they do with you... Or you feel as low as they project to you.....<P>Being caught in this cycle stinks...like I said - I lived it too!!! Nobody guarantees that a marriage will survive - but if we act as if it's dead, it can be guaranteed that it will be!!!<P>Hope that I have helped in some small way, I hate seeing you guys like this.<P>There is so much vibrant living inside you both and it is just being pushed back because of the reacting cycle.<P>Try to change it.....for your own sakes, for the kid's sake and for the memory of the "old" spouse that you love.....They are still in there somewhere, you know!!! They are not bad people, heartless people, etc. They are confused and hurting just like you. They may not realize why or how much like you both do, but they are in an abyss of their own. <P>Like I felt before discovering MB, FEAR of the unknown, of not knowing what to do or what is the exact problem can cause different reactions in people. MY H gets angry, blaming and needs to run.....but he is afraid!<BR>Afraid to face himself, the problems, the work of it, the thought of a counselor.......it's all fear and avoidance.<P>Heck, I don't even know why any of this happened.....not from his mouth and that is where it needs to come from for it is HIS thinking that led to the affairs......<P>I can only make it safe for him to want to tell me. What helps me to do that is to imagine walking in his shoes, knowing how is used to be and applying how he could have possibly become how he is now. I know that he is not a monster who eats other's feeling up for breakfast. There's much more to it.<P>Sorry, I am rambling.....it's just so frustrating on all involved. <P>OK, I'll shut up now!! LOL!!!<P>BIG HUGS,<P>Sheba<BR><p>[This message has been edited by Sheba (edited July 28, 2000).]

Sheba --<P>Like I said many (I do mean many, maybe six to eight) months ago, YOU ARE MY HERO!!!<P>Back then you gave me some inspiration to try to regain my own confidence in my life again, and I have to say that it worked. Once again, I'm in the gutter, feeling tired, frustrated, etc. So what else is new, and who else doesn't feel that way?!<P>I've tried the Plan A route, and found that it doesn't work for me. At least not on what I would consider a reasonable timeframe.<P>Plan B isn't an option with my kids. It just isn't.<P>Things haven't even maintained. They've gotten worse over time.<P>So here I am, and along comes your message.<P>WOW!<P>I've got some thinking to do this weekend.<P>(I always used to remind everyone to keep your...) Chin Up!<P>--keystone

Sheba,<P>You made me think and made me laugh. Don't think your rambling didn't get to me, it did(besides I always come in and read your posts because there is always something I learn from you). I think when I come here and write I let all my feelings out that I don't show around the house. <P>The mood has surely lightened in my house over the past two weeks. But there is still this feeling deep down in my soul that I just can't shake. My H actually thinks things are going better because my mood has been so upbeat, if he only knew. There has been a lot more laughter and crazy fun going on here, mainly between the girls and I, but I see my H cracking a smile every once in a while now. <P>The one thing that makes it harder for me is having kids involved. I tend to look at a lot of things through my girls eyes and I see what they are feeling. It hurts me to see them wanting their father involved in their life and not having it for all these years. <P>The fact that my love is totally drained for my H due to all the things I have had to deal with not only this year but all the years in the past on my own is a major sticky point for me. This wall of resentment is so hard to break down. <P>My H is not a bad person he just feels that the only responsibility he has towards our family is financially. He has said that as long as he is supporting us that he is doing his job around here, that it is my job to be there for the girls. He is the type that would let this house rot down around him if I let it. <P>I guess what I'm trying to say is even though things have lightened up here, I still don't know if I could live the rest of my life like this. I know the girls will be on their own soon enough and I will basicially be all alone then and I don't think I want to live feeling all alone when there is someone else living here. <P>I will definately be sitting back and thinking about what you have said. <P>Gotta run.<P>falsely accused

Keystone,<P>I also had to jump in since you responded to some of my posts late last year. I like you have been in this hell hole for over 18 months. My wife is having an EA and probably a PA with a stay at home dad across the street. It has been hell to have to face this BS every day and has come close to an all out brawl with this jerk.<P>Anyway I too have seen things get worse and worse with us over the last 3 months. There is time we take small steps only to have something happen. Lately I have been the one that has lost my patience and become more pissed off. The tension is so high that we have talked about speration with kids that are 5 and 3.<P>I have worked with Harley for the last five months and have been in some sort of Plan A for over a year. No sex for 9 months and no dates alone with my wife since May of last year. We talk about us sometime with not much progress. She has stopped conseling early this year. Has shown no effort to work on the marriage other then what she precieves as working on it.<P>Friday she told me that she was positive that she would never recover her feelings for me. That we should not even sperate just go right to divorce. I told her that I would not be the one to file and that she would have to be the one. That gave her cause to pause.<P>So I am with you dude. I wish I had the answer but I too am getting burned out. My wife treats me much like yours does. Keystone how deep is she in with some of these male friends?

zip --<P>Yeah, it's been a while. It's too bad things seemed to have gottwen worse with you, since the last I saw, they were looking up.<P>You asked about how deep she's into it with her male friends. I think too deep. I see that her eyes light up when she's with them, or when something is planned to do with them.<P>There are the "inside jokes", the constant e-mails. It's probably all in fun, but it makes me wonder. These guys, and the one girl that constitue her new group of close friends are al either divorced, are in the process of divorcing, or single. Their idea of a fun night is to go out and party, hang out and drink -- just the group. They've talked about -- again, just this group -- going off to Vegas for a weekend. They've talked about -- another shocker -- going off to hawaii for one of their b-days. Again, just their group. Another friend's b-day is around the corner, and they are planning a big night out with limo, booze, and a whole lot of stops -- where I don't know.<P>It used to be that our time was spent with other friends. We shared things in common as couples, we had families, we lived in the neighborhood. Now, it's like a major MLC. She's a caged animal who cannot wait to get out from under my control and party with her friends.<P>If you remember -- check my profile -- W was with her "best friend's" husband alot. They even went off to Vegas when I was out of town with my D on a school/graduation trip with her class. Too many wierd things. Too mucb like an EA that was turning or had turned physical.<P><BR>Counseling has stopped. It actually stopped a long while ago. She had not real desire to do it in the first place, and never took it seriously. If anything, the honesty made it worse since when she thought "things were getting better", things were actually getting worse.<P>We share nothing in common anymore. It's been over one year for any sex under my roof -- at least with me. Hugs? A kiss? Forget it. I'm not holding my breath anymore, since I don't have any affection for her anymore. <P>I find myself looking at other couples, trying to remember what is was like. On one hand I'm jelous, on the other hand enraged. I cannot watch a movie, hear a song, or go through an hour without something to remind me of the strain in my marriage. I'm sick and tired of it, of feeling that I've failed miserably.<P>--keystone