Today is my birthday. Yesterday Mike and I had a big blow up, or maybe I should say I blew up big time.<P>No I don't think he's cheating again,and parkinglot lady hasn't called again. <P>It's that I have given all I can, my taker has killed my giver. It was not a good scene.<P>I love this man, but why can he not see that what says I love you to him , basicly service related things, to him it's keeping the house clean, fixing his plate and bringing it to him, waiting on him that says it. He thinks that him woking and buying me what I have to have should say it to me, but it doesn't.<P>I appricate him for doing that, don't get me wrong. That is part of what tells me he's a good man, that he takes care of me. But it doesn't say I love you to me.<P>For me it's the little things, touching, kissing (which he just isn't into) talking and all that stuff says it to me. I wish he understood that.<P>Maybe after yesterday he will. He has to, I can not, will not spend what time I have left, (I have found out I already have cirrosis from the Hep C) with someone who doesn't talk to me, rarely touches me, give me hardly any emotional support. I just won't do that anymore. It's my turn to be selfish and think only of what makes Deb happy. Sorry guys, but I think I have given enough without getting some of what I need.<P>I know I am not making any sense, but I had to get this out.<P><P>------------------<BR>Deb<BR>------------------------<BR>The only day I can do anything about is today, yesterday is gone, tomorrow is not yet mine.<BR>In memory of a dear friend WallyM7 <A HREF="http://=http://fathom.org/teemingmillions/wally.adp<BR>http://fathom.org/teemingmillions/wally.adp" TARGET=_blank>=http://fathom.org/teemingmillions/wally.adp<BR>http://fathom.org/teemingmillions/wally.adp</A> <BR>HepatitisC, educate yourself ! <A HREF="http://=http://hepatitis-central.com/" TARGET=_blank>=http://hepatitis-central.com/</A>

Deb,<P>No, what you are sayinng makes alot of sense. <BR>My H is the very same way. He is not affectionate at all. He thinks that he shows me in the hard work that he does. The things that he buys me. NO WAY!!!<P>I want kiss, hug and all that stuff. <BR>My aunt told me 3 weeks ago before she died. I needed to hang on here as long as I could. I have great days abd bad days. I am the betrayer in my home. I am trying to hold it together. She said you will know when you have reached your limit. You will feel like this is truly it... You will know when you have reached that point. It sounds to me like you have. You just keep praying. <P>You know I look at this kinda the way that I think God looks at lost people. <P>We can do all that we can. Then they get angry for hearding about God. At that point we need to set back and leave it alone. Let God take care of it. So, I think you just need to set back. You have given it all that you have. I dont want to start a religion thing on your thread. I just want to give you my opinion. I dont think that GOd wants us to be miserable all our lives. And when you need what we need and dont get it. That is MISERABLE!!!!<P>Prayers<BR>Renee

Happy B-day Deb.<BR>You know you are loved by many!<P>Sometimes I guess we think that because the infidelity is over things should be better right? It isn't that easy.<BR>I don't think you're giver is gone. It's just very tired. Of course you need something back. You wouldn't be human if you didn't.<P>You've been a giver all your life though haven't you? <BR>I have no advice. Just know I care very much. Right no I'm feeling a lot of the things you described. You deserve to be cared for and protected, loved. <P>{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{Deb}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}<P>

Deb, you may not feel like hearing it but Happy Birthday anyway.<P>I'll also tell you things you already know. However, I didn't realize this earlier in life but do now. <P>As a man let me tell you that I once was basically the same as your H. When I considered what was important in a relationship, I automatically assumed she would feel the same. Providing for our familes, as an example, is very important to us. As long as you did "your job" the relationship would take care of itself. I also alway felt that I gave as good as I got. However, I gave the wrong things. Not that they were unappreciated, just not the right ones. Not what she needed but what I felt I needed to give her. I did a good job, but had the wrong job description to follow.<P>After a period of time, she gave up waiting for me to fulfill her needs and got them from someone else. I now see I made a crucial error. <P>I have labored long and hard to understand where I went wrong and why. I have labored harder to ensure I don't repeat my many mistakes. It may be too late for my marraige but it's not too late for me and I will continue on my path.<P>Only you can decide when you've had enough. You do deserve support, love, caring, and respect. We all do. Give yourself a much deserved rest as best as you can. Focus on YOU for now.<P>I wish you well.

Deb, I hope you don't feel like this is inappropriate, but I have routine blood tests next week which will include a test for Hepatitis C.<P>I received blood after surgery in 1981. I have had three kids, and have been healthy. <P>The last few months I have had some swelling in my ankles. It seems to be combined with the heat/humidity and my cycle. Plus I am 40 and gained some weight (after losing on the amazing infidelty diet), so I am about 25 pounds over my desired weight, but since I am tall, I would in no way be considered "fat"...at least yet. Still the combination of a little weight, not as much exercise as I should be getting, may explain the swelling. <P>I know it is also a symtom of Hep C, so I have to say I am a little concerned. My doctor wanted me to be screened last year (just routine with standard blood work), but I didn't.<P>I don't think I have or had any other symptoms. If it is not too personal, how long was it before you were diagnosed, and did you have health problems or was it a complete surprise?<P>I have checked out your link a few times in the past year, I appreciate you taking the time to educate us.<P>my e-mail is faithhopelove2@go.com<P><BR><p>[This message has been edited by FaithHopeLove (edited July 29, 2000).]

Oh my, so wrapped up in myself I didn't wish you a Happy Birthday!<P>My H is about as clueless as a H gets, but is still a really nice guy.<P>I try to train myself into appreciating how he shows love, but it sure is hard, isn't it?<P>Happy Birthday!

(((((((((((((deb))))))))))))))))))))))))))))<BR>HAPPY, HAPPY BIRTHDAY DEAR!!!!!<BR>I know what you mean about how to show love, I liken it to a Kenny Rogers song, "Buy Me A Rose". One day I spent a whole day during the affair time playing and re-playing that song hoping he would catch a hint, want to try it and see if it does you any better???<BR>I am sorry you feel like your at the end of your rope, I can relate to that feeling and sometimes it happens around my birthday, it's a sense of timing that your wasting the precious time God has given you on this earth and you might not win in the long run. But maybe that's a test in itself, to see if we are patient? I don't know what to tell you but I do know I can sypathize! God Bless and HAPPY BIRTHDAY AGAIN!!!!<P>------------------<BR>Chick's <BR>Bren<P>You won't see things until your ready to not be blind!

Happy Bithday Deb!<P>My H avoided me the day before and day of my birthday( yesterday) and I avoided him today because I was afraid I might do him bodily injury. Hopefully by tomorrow I can see him breifly and not want to kill him. <BR>Lora

Happy Happy Birthday Deb!<P>Honey, your H needs to see your emotional needs list. Does he have it? You fill that sucker out, print it in 30 point font and hand it to him.<P>Make many copies and place them all over the place, the fridge, the shower, the bathroom mirror, on the TV, everywhere!<P>I think this will give him a reminder if not a big hint, don't you?<P>I'm sorry he's been such a Schmuck on your Birthday.<P>My SIL has Hep C, she's in very bad shape, almost a candidate for a transplant. Her liver is at 20%< and she's on Infergen again. I kind of know what you're going thru, Hon. Many many prayers for you Deb.<P>Big Hugs and God Bless,<BR>Jo<P><p>[This message has been edited by Resilient (edited July 30, 2000).]

Hi Deb,<P>Happy birthday. I am so sorry your H is doing that. I think if you have reached the edge then do what you have to do.<P>I will pray for you often. I will hope for a miracle for you.<P>

HAPPY BELATED BIRTHDAY, Deb!!!<P>BIG BIRTHDAY HUGS!!!!<P>I am sorry that I missed yesterday....<BR>and that you had to verbally whack Mike with the frying pan or 2x4 or whatever you might have used. Sometimes I wonder if they are just stubborn or if they really are that thick!!!!<P>I giggled at Resilient's post about putting your filled out emotional needs questionnaire up all over the house...I like that!!! I would also look up the word EFFORT and print that nice and big and stick that all around too!!!!<P>I love ya, Hon.....I will pray for your health, you, Mike, sanity, cluelessness, etc....etc..... UGH!! <P>Let us know what's up now......<P>BIG HUGS,<P>Sheba<P>

OK, I feel kind of like a poopy head now, but not too much. <P>Mike gave me a Disc-man thingy for my Bday and he had ordered me a cake with "Happy Birthday Deb" and pink roses on it. He had ordered the cake and gotten the gift before the blow up. <P>This is the first time he has ever in the 23 years we have been together that he has gotten me a gift without me having to threaten his very life. And he has never ordered me a cake before.<P><B> BUT </B> I didn't blow up about my birthday, this one has been coming for a long time ! And he knows it. <P>I think he knows I have reached the end of my rope here, this time he didn't just roll his eyes and ignore what I was saying for a change ! Maybe it was me using the line from Aaron Tippin's song Kiss This, only I added my after kiss and instead of this I used another word, well it ended with s too !<P>He was good to me yesterday, let's see if he can stick with it this time. <P>I'll answer each of you later, to be honest right now I am in extreme pain and I have found blood in my urine this morning. Please who ever reads this pray for me.<P>Deb.

Deb, Happy belated birthday.<P>Prayers going up for you right now.<P>I think that when you are ill, the knowledge that life is fragile is much closer to the surface. Screaming close. I have had rheumatoid arthritis for 9 years, and although not a quick killer, a future wheelchair haunts my dreams.<P>I just prayer the loving support of the Comforter surrounds you right now. I don't know what to do about Mike , he's had so many doses of the MB frying pan...I think there must be another avenue...<P>Sending good thoughts your way.<P>------------------<BR>Lor<BR>"Let love be genuine...hold fast to what is good; love one another." Rom 12:9-10

Deb,<P>I am sending out prayers for you. <P><BR>{{{{{{{{{deb}}}}}}}}<P>Please take care of you.

I just got home from the ER, I wanted y'all to know I'm ok. I was passing a kidney stone ! Guys I would rather give birth while having a toothach when I had a carbuncle on my butt than hurt like that again. But there are still stones there. Soooo....<P>I'm going to take a pain killer or four and lay daown Thank you all again for the Bday wishes, support and prayers. I will answer you all in a day or two. Thank you for being here for me.<P>Deb

Y'all are not going to believe this one !<BR>Since the kidney stone incident hasn't killed me yet, I decided to try something else.<P> When I stood up to get Mike up for work, I felt dizzy, so I reached out and grabbed for a set of shelves we have in the dining room. <P>Well my 19 year old son had been playing around with a c-clamp and had put it on the shelves, I missed the shelves, grabbed the clamp which wasn't on tight, I fell down and then the c clamp hit me right square in the mouth ! Now I have a fat lip, my two front teeth are a little loose too !<P> Oh and just for good measure I just had a frozen dinner fall out of the freezer onto my toe when I started to get some ice for my lip . <P>HELP ! I have become a walking disaster area lately ! <P>I hope the roof wont't fall in on me next ! I would ask what I did to deserve all this, but I'm afraid someone would tell me .<P><BR>------------------<BR>Deb<P>Hepatitis C, Please educate yourself ! <A HREF="http://www.hepatitis-central.com/" TARGET=_blank>http://www.hepatitis-central.com/</A> <P>In memory of a very dear friend <A HREF="http://fathom.org/teemingmillions/wally.adp" TARGET=_blank>http://fathom.org/teemingmillions/wally.adp</A><p>[This message has been edited by Bozos_ Deb (edited July 31, 2000).]

OMG Deb,<P>You need to just go to bed for a day or two and hope to wake up to no more catastrophies for a while...you poor thing.<P>Just wanted you to know you are in my prayers tonight. I've heard horror stories about kidney stones, but I must say your sense of humor is in=tact by your hilarious description of what you would rather go through than passing another one. <P>I remember reading somewhere that having a sense of humor is as important as having a sense of God. Without it, we can get through life, but we are ill equipped to do it well.<P>You are doing it well(most days anyway ).<P>Take care, and if you feel a prayer coming your way...it's coming from Arizona!<P>allison<BR>

Well I am reporting in, there have been no further accidents today, yet ! And it looks like the two stones remaining in my left kidney are going to be nice and not try to kill me today.<P>Sheesh, what was that song from heehaw ? If it weren't for bad luck, I'd have no luck at all .

{{{{{{{{{{{{{{DEB}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}<P>and happy belated birthday! <P>Lie down and let someone else pamper you, Deb!<P>The "clueless" ones (and I have one too) are really dense, but can be taught. Sounds like progress on the present and cake. I spelled out exactly what I wanted for my B-day. Still didn't get a present, but we did have a nice dinner and he pampered me!<P>Hope you feel better.

All righty then, Just wanted to check in and report that I am on my way to the urologist in a hour or so.<P>Maybe he will shoot the elephant standing on my back. <P>This is beginning to remind me of a line in a Jerry Clower joke, "Just shoot up here amongst us, one of us has got to have some relief !