Ok so I have done everything "by the book". I have stopped at nothing to do everything right, dismissed the OW, moved out of my house, given wife space, set her free and despite being out of the house I have done my best to be supportive, mow the lawn, take out the garbage, odd jobs etc. all those things I did while at home. The bills continue to be payed as if I am living there. I promised her that I would not leave her and the girls and that I will be there for them. So where has this gotten me?<BR> Discovered two weeks ago that she transfered $10,000 from our joint savings into her own account. She did this without telling me and so I felt obliged to contact an attorney, I mean at some point I have to "protect" myself right? At his advice I closed our joint account. I immediately called and told my wife so she would not be caught off guard...the proverbial S**T hit the fan. Now the locks have been changed at the house and although we are still speaking I feel like a criminal whenever I do have to stop at the house. Today I was greeted by two certified mailings from domestic relations. My court date for child and spousal support is Sept 5th.<P>Is this what they mean it will get worse before it gets better?<P>Ok so I am no angel, as I am the one who cheated, but in these last two weeks I have discovered that my wife had issues with me long before the affair. Issues that she NEVER communicated to me! All these issues, on top of the affair and she believes that I am incapable of changing. Ah hell...I WANT TO HANG ON...Wish that she and I could just sit together and talk, but she seems so set in her ways...Am I fooling myself?...<P>Is there anything left for me to do, or try that might allow her to see that I truly need her in my life. God Give Me Strength!

I believe what your wife has done is ILLEGAL.If your name is on the deed to your house and you are contributing to the payment,in my state, is against the law to change the locks. I am not sure about the legality of what she did with the money,but I would see a lawyer to protect my interests. She is obviously totally out for her own good and mistake or no mistake on your part, you are entitled to what is yours.

Looking4Suz,<P>mthrrhbard is right!!!<P>Stick to Plan A...<BR>...but get to your lawyer ASAP...<P>I'd go a step further and get a specialist...If you need to <B>protect</B> yourself legally (and/or financially)... I usually make the recommendation of finding a <B>good</B> attorney. A good place to start off is at the <A HREF="http://lawyers.martindale.com/marhub/form/by.html" TARGET=_blank>Martindale-Hubbell Lawyer Search</A> site. Do a search within your county... look for only "family law" specialists(>80% in divorce/custody/etc.)... make sure they do a lot of "family law committee work"... if they know the judges all the better... You can normally find a few that will give initial counseling free of charge.<BR><A HREF="http://www.uslaw.com" TARGET=_blank>USLaw.com</A> (an alternative search site)<P>She can't lock you out of your house unless there is clear physical abuse...<BR>...I hope that is not the situation.<P>This may seem like it goes against Plan A...<BR>...in fact it doesn't....<BR>...it shows your W that you've changed your mindset to one that is focused on your family... (marriage included).<P>Hard as it may seem...<BR>...keep going with every other aspect of Plan A!<P> <P>Jim

Looking -<P>I agree with the others. If it were me, I would do everything I could to protect myself. While it sounds lik you want to hang on and try to work on your marriage - your wife obviously does not want the same thing - not right now anyway. Why were you the one to move out? Since you seem as though you want to try and keep your family together - why isn't she the one to move out? I understand that you were the one to have an A, but it sounds like some of your marital problems may have occurred prior to the marriage.<P>I am a WS, too, but for me, the key to my marriage's surivival has been the fact the I never moved out - and my H never asked me to move out. Your wife may need more time to recover from the betrayal, but how long have you been out of the house?<P>If it were me, I would have to ask her what her intentions are - to try and work things out or to file for divorce . . .By transferring the money out of the joint savings account - it looks as if she is trying to give herself a cushion in preparation for the worst.<P>I'm sorry that I haven't been following your story, so if this advice is not appropriate, feel free to ignore it Anyway, I would try to approach her about what she wants, then maybe you can ask why she transferred the money. Since you are doing the chores anyway, I would find it hard to be living on my own - but taking care of two residences - particularly since I want to try and work things out.<P>By being served papers by domestic relations, does that mean that you are already divorced? Guess I'm a little confused . . .

To shed a little light--<P>Two days after d-day, I asked my H for a printout of all our savings accounts/bonds/cds etc. (Stupid me, I had never kept track--Although, I knew we had $$$--H is a SAVING FREAK). I wanted to be prepared....for ANYTHING.<P>My biggest fear (back then) was that the selfish SOB (sorry) would leave me/kids high and dry while he ran off into the sunset with his solemate (I like this spelling better...LOL).<P>Perhaps your W felt the need to protect herself....and was afraid to tell you about her fears???? And, when you turned to an attorney before confronting her as to why she did this, perhaps her fears were *confirmed*???? Maybe she thinks you are more concerned about the $ than you are about her/kids financial future (????).<P>Who knows? I'm just throwing questions out to possibly help you understand.<P>I can definitely relate to her taking the money...it's a horrible feeling to think that you no longer matter to your H and that his money is the only thing that he has left to *give* you that can possibly *help* you along <sigh>.<P>What can you do to convince her? Not sure. Will she talk? Can you go one step further in your committment to her and put ALL monetary assets in her name--as a committment that YOU WILL BE STAYING???? Would you be willing to do this and/or would it make a difference to her?<P>Probably a GREAT IDEA to call the Harley's. I'm sure they could point you in the right direction.<P>Good Luck! ~Marie

Been there done that. Your W is probably scared. She knows she has to look out for herself as she now feels you can't be trusted. Can you blame her? The day after my H left I rushed to the bank first thing, planning pon taking half the money out of both our savings accounts. Not to spend it, just to put it away for safekeeping. I was afraid, the man I thought I knew became someone else. When I got there I found that he had taken out ALL the money from the larger account (quite substantial) and moved it elsewhere.So I took the rest. It sat in another account until we got back together, at which point in time all of the money went back into joint accounts. She may just be feeling the need to protect herself and the children. She doesnt' know what you might do next. At least that's where I was at.