I am really confused now. Here is a brief what has happened in the last several days since I found my h & ow together in my home.<BR>We have spent time together and talked allot. He is regretting what his is doing and he thinks he is a bad person. I tell him no you made a big mistake. He tells me how great I am being to him. "Queen of sweet".<P>Anyhow, here isthe question. He is wavering toward us to stay together. But it was 6 months that I thought we were in recovery, when actually they started up again 1 month ago. I don't know if he really could work on us until he gets her out of his system. He admitted that he never really tried and turned to her when he was weak. So do I go ahead and push him towards her and let the real world impact there lives or what?

Did you ever stop to think that maybe he has these "relapses" because he know's he can have them and you'll take him back? Kinda like saying "Oh that's ok honey, you just made a mistake but I'm still here." Ouch! Remember, behavior happens when it is allowed.

I totaly agree with Bonnie. My H did the same thing and is also wavering now about staying here. I am looking for a house to rent tonight. It is taking everything I have not to give in and say, "Ok we'll give it another try. I feel that until he gets over what ever this is he will keep relapsing.<BR>I feel that I have to quit being his safty net and make him jump for once and pay the consequences.

BonnieSept<P>OK, I understand, I will then continue to move out and move on with my life. If there is to be a future then it was meant to be. I won't allow this to continue I can't stand this pain. There are children involved but not together (from ex's), and I can't continue to have them hurt.<P>He needs to stop. Any other suggestions? I need my life back.<P>Judy

Maybe you should do a Plan B. which is basically letting her meet all of his needs. You let him know that the door is not totally closed but right now you need to take care of yourself and your kids. And that if at some point in the future if he gets his s#$t together there may be a chance for reconciliation. <p>[This message has been edited by TMD (edited August 17, 2000).]

oops, duplicate posting.<P><BR>Judy<p>[This message has been edited by bighope (edited August 17, 2000).]

oops double post<BR><p>[This message has been edited by TMD (edited August 17, 2000).]

I posted under WS sitting on fence, originated by Resilence. Read that. I really and truly think that the best bet you have in getting your husband back is to tell him that enough is enough. If he thinks your getting on with your life and your doing a good job at it you might be surprised how he starts to second guess his behavior and choices. I'm about out of here for the day but I'll check back in tomorrow.

OK, here is what will happened, I am staying at a friends house for a few days, before I have to see my h for the kids sake. I have to take my son and he takes his son, so I will see him then at bowling. I won't be there very long.<P>But I need to show him I won't stand for this treatment and neither should the ow. Get off the fence or I will live my life with my son. I do deserve better and replase isn't acceptable for me. <P>If it is meant to be then we need to work together through our rough times and not for him to turn back to her again when he misses her (us and only us). He was doing fine until she showed up where she knew he would be, and he couldn't resist her. They were only to be friends (they did that before and the affair happened), and he opened the door for that and she took the path where they started up again. They said he pursed her, but come on showing up at the same place and same time and working out. She knew he would be there, regardless if there wasn't a baby sitting service she didn't need to be there. <P>Thanks all, it needs to be all or nothing. I need to follow through now, that is the hard part. My for my family's sake I need to do this for them as well. I will and can be strong. <P><BR>OK I am done venting for now, but I am hot under the collar. I am not a door mat for anyone.<BR>Judy

Judy<P>I will pray for you. I basically told my husband to move out as I could not tolerate his silences and his ignoring me all the time, but in the intial stages he came around a lot but now he only comes when I am not in. I have not seen him for two weeks and I do not pursue him or phone him but I really, really miss him. I want him to feel what it is like without me, but he seems to be fine with that. The no contact is very hard, prepare yourself for a lot of pain, but if you get the result you want it will all be worth it. I will keep you in my prayers. You go girl, psych yourself up for it.<P>FET

FET:<BR>Thanks for your prayers, I need them now. I am not staying at home to be walked on again. I know this may hard, and anything can happen. I love my h, but I need myself to be myself and so does my son. I am trying to stay strong.<P>My prayers are with you as well. Great luck to you.<P>Judy