TNT,<BR>Perhaps his putting SD's in apt is his way of honoring your boundary of no drugs in home. I think the "problem" is much bigger and that move does not create a solution for the drug issue, but does, perhaps, speak to your boundary within your home. <P>I struggle w/boundaries also in my marriage and am closely following this thread for answers. H's friend "participated" in his last affair. Friend used his relationship w/me and close and personal knowledge of our marriage, family, schedules, etc. to HELP OW and H. I "invoked" my boundaries against friend and banned him from my home. But H is still friends w/him and will not dissolve this friendship. (many other issues w/friend to suggest that H do this, but too much to detail here)<P>So my question is, do one's boundaries get "muddied" when there are larger issues at hand? (I'm sooooooo confused! )

When I reread this thread, I think we are collectively confused on this one.<P>Hmmm...is it a tough topic or did our confusion or poor boundery making ability or our partners, in anyway make our marriages more suseptable to an affair?<P>Anyway, I am reading a book "Bounderies in Marriage" by Townsend and Cloud. It was just published in August. The first chapter was riveting....so I'll report a big further down the road and start the next chapter on the forgiveness workbook tomorrow or the next day if my friend wasstubborn is feeling up to it. OK everyone? Or does someone, anyone have something more to add?<P>------------------<BR>Faith, Hope, Love Remain,<BR>but the greatest of these is Love.<BR>1 Corinthians 13:13

Can we continue with not having this one under our belts?<P>We will revisit with this when you have gotten more into your book right?<P>A lot of us are bad at this it seems!! Maybe bad is not the correct word - how about "clueless"!!!!<P>Hugs,<P>Sheba

Sheba,<P>Sometimes it may help if I remember how clueless I do feel about this issue. It may make me more understanding when I watch my H flounder in a another area.<P>Come to think of it, I think he has bounderies down pat, although a little bit on the side of using them to keep people from becoming too close. Even me, in some areas...like feelings and emotional intamacy.<P>I think guys are better at bounderies anyway, although control is overstepping bounderies...so there goes my confusion. How about I try to reread first chapter within a few days and make a few initial comments on this thread?<P>Sheba...I must have missed something...you OK?<P>------------------<BR>Faith, Hope, Love Remain,<BR>but the greatest of these is Love.<BR>1 Corinthians 13:13

One more to the top.<BR>cl I hope you are reading these.

The Student requested these, but everyone is welcome to revisit!<P>------------------<BR>Faith, Hope, Love Remain,<BR>but the greatest of these is Love.<BR>1 Corinthians 13:13

I saw myself in alot of those statements, especially during the period my ex and I were in "recovery". Any attempt to defend myself against his verbal attacks like "please stop", "you're hurting me", "sweetheart, we loved each other once, please don't do this" were met with either more attacks, or "ok, I want a divorce" with me subsequently begging him not to. I'm mad at myself for letting him violate my boundaries over, and over, and over again in order to save my marriage. Then our marriage ended anyway. So, I feel violated all the way around. I'm mad that I let the OM violate my boundaries too, but it doesn't hurt as much because I never really trusted him like my ex-H.<P>It is hard for me to stand up for myself. When women do that, they are labeled as *itches.