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Joined: Jun 2000
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I just had to share this, as I am feeling a little down today for some reason....<P>I got an email from my H today suggesting that we actually go out and do something together this weekend. We haven't actually done something just the two of us since before discovery, April 2. And the fact that he's suggesting I'm interpreting as a good sign!<P>He also suggested last weekend that we have my parents babysit the kids for a day and go to an outlet mall a couple of hours away from us. I thought that was a good thing, too, but when I asked when he wanted to do that he acted like he wasn't interested any more. <P>But with the suggestion today, maybe things are looking up!!??

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<BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by hurtinginil:<BR><B>I just had to share this, as I am feeling a little down today for some reason....<P>I got an email from my H today suggesting that we actually go out and do something together this weekend. We haven't actually done something just the two of us since before discovery, April 2. And the fact that he's suggesting I'm interpreting as a good sign!<P>But with the suggestion today, maybe things are looking up!!??</B><P><HR></BLOCKQUOTE>Many times we feel dread because we don't know what to expect when an affair is revealed. It taints any hope we want to have toward healing and moving on with enjoying our marriage.<P>Just savor each moment of your time together without trying to second guess the reason for the get together.<P><BR><P>------------------<BR>Love hurts no one.

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GF<P>Why do you keep putting that phrase into your responses? "Love Hurts no one." It is a nice thought but it is so wrong!<P>Love hurts if your spouse has fallen for some one else.<P>Love hurts if you are the WS and you betray your family.<P>Love hurts when they find out about the A, and you know the hurt you have caused.<P>Love hurts when you are betrayed several times and there is no remorse shown.<P>Love hurts when your S does not know who to choose, you or the OP.<P>Love hurts when the Op loves you and you leave OP to return to your family.<P>Love hurts when you look into the faces of your children and the light of laughter and joy in their eyes, has gone out.<P>Love hurts when the end of your marriage is near, and you look at the children and imagine all the things they are going to absorb into their personality from this fiasco.<P>Love hurts when your beautiful, love-filled world is shattered by one sentence.<P>LOVE HURTS ALL THE TIME. Do not be fooled.<P>The only thing to do, is the best you can with what you are given, and leave the rest to fate, or God.<P>Peace...BS

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Burned Spouse - <P>I've experienced (and am still) all the things you mentioned in your post. However, it occurs to me that if you cut off the "Love hurts" from each of those sentences, and add "it hurts" to the end of each sentence - I think you'll find the more appropriate interpretation.<P>All those statements are ACTIONS and CONSEQUENCES of certain actions. It isn't the LOVE that hurts you - it's the ACTIONS of those we love that hurt us.<P>The ones we love have the potential to hurt us the most because we love them so much. All our loved ones will hurt us from time to time by their words, actions or attitudes. Those are occurrances - not the love they have for us or us for them. <P>Just my interpretation, of course. But I really read a lot into that phrase the first time AGoodPhrend posted it. A simple statement that really made me think. To me it said: Love hurts no one, so act out of love for each person each day, so as not to hurt them. Kinda gives me hope for continuing to love my H - even though he's gone. It won't hurt him, might even heal him.<P>Keep the faith - love doesn't hurt. Find the good things in love and focus on those. It's hard at times like these, believe me I know. But it helps to try to look at things in the most positive light you can. [Linked Image from marriagebuilders.com]<P>Take care,<P>Cali<BR>

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Hope everything goes well [Linked Image from marriagebuilders.com]

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Cali-<P>Yes I was feeling particularly bad that day. I love my H so much and all he could tell me was he loved the OW, and that he couldn't let it go. I also found out that he would not push for no-contact, even for 60 days--the reason was that SHE would end it, and he couldn't do it. He loves her, but feels a strong need to fix the marr. for the children and for solidifying his past. He hates how he feels, but cannot help it. He admits his feelings(for OW) are sabbotaging his efforts at concentrating on our relationship, or even communicating well. <P>I do feel that you were right in "cause and effect." Thanks for setting me straight. I will try to see it that way. But I find it hard to do it when I know he doesn't love me anymore. He has also admitted this. Cause or effect, my love for him causes me pain when it is not reciprocated. <P>But I won't hurt him, or blame him, I will just show love for him every day and maybe he will feel safe enough to love me again. And if this is true, then he can let the OW go with knowledge that he will be happy, content and loved.<P>Peace


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