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<P>Expressing appreciation constantly for everything the WS has told you.<BR>Convincing the WS that you are on the same side, the side of your marriage. Then being sure you act the part.<BR>Be patient until you can agree on discussing what happened. It helped us for me to be persistent but to do so with persuasion (books, articles, postings and most importantly showing that it really did help to talk things out) not by badgering. (I'm not saying I've always been successful at this
but it's what helped!)<BR>Agreeing that you will go slow and stop if it gets too painful.<BR>Being patient with how hard it is for the WS to talk about. <BR>Understanding that they may have blocked some of it out and don't remember. Even the things that you stumble onto and can't fathom how anyone could forget.<BR>Keeping these conversations contained to an agreed upon length of time, agreed upon frequency, etc. (We're going to try to not talk about it in the house for a while--we're 14 months into both fully committed recovery--we're going to take walks leave that stuff in the dust as we genuinely get through it and let it all dissipate into the air). <BR>Be honest about what you've been able to resolve (cherish that and emphasize it).<BR>Know that it will take a long time, just like cleaning up after a tornado. <BR>Accept exactly where you are in the process.<BR>Mistakes are part of the process.<BR>You will forget just about everything you've learned sometimes, if these lapses decrease in duration, you are making fabulous progress!
<BR>Have confidence that if you keep on keeping on as honestly and considerately as you can...(yes these can be done at the same time--they must be done at the same time to really heal) If you do this life will get better.<BR>Better is good. <BR><p>[This message has been edited by today (edited September 03, 2000).]