It's been QUITE some time since my last post and lots and lots of things have happened.<P>The good:<P>H broke things off with the OW and moved back home (4 weeks ago now). We have been spending lots and lots of time together - just the two of us and we always have a good time together. We're making plans for things in the future - a trip to Las Vegas, a new car for me, more dates in the future (he really wants for us to spend time with his friends from work and their wives).<P>The bad:<P>He is still in contact with the OW. Just a couple of times every week. At least that's what he says. I'll know for sure when his cell phone bill shows up. He also has some clothes at her place that he still needs to pick up. He knows how I feel about this but he doesn't seem to be in any hurry to pick the stuff up. <P>Another bad: He has yet to commit to working on things in our marriage. At least officially. In my opinion we are working on things since we spend time together but we have yet to go to any counseling or anything like that. <P>The ugly:<P>Last week I found out about yet another OW. This one he met two weeks ago. Rather than go into details (it would take a while) I'll let you know I confronted him about it when I caught the two of them together. The old, nasty H came back but this time I took control of the situation and very calmly threw some truths back in his face. It must have worked because he left the bar with me (his idea). We talked some about it and he insisted this one means nothing. She ended up calling quite a bit over the next two days but I don't think he took her calls. I then confronted her and she is now out of the picture. <P>Some more good:<P>H and I had another talk after I confronted the OW #2. He said he didn't want to see me or talk to me. Yet less than 5 minutes later after I said my peace (again very calmly) I asked him if he wanted to stay at home or if he needed to go out and find other women. His response? "I don't want other woman." My answer? " Okay, just remember that's what you want and that's what you said."<P>So, in a nut shell, that's where we're at. I have sayd where I'm a nervous wreck because I'm afraid everything will come to a craching halt and then I have other days where I feel incredibly good about all of this. <P>Thanks for listening!<P><BR><P>------------------<BR>Molli<P>Find your strength within!

Let me get this straight, he broke it off w/OW #1 four weeks ago, and met OW #2 two WEEKS ago??? Hon, be careful, really. I don't mean to sound pessimistic, but keep your guard high and your expectations low for right now. It's GREAT that you two are planning to spend more quality time together, but unless the two of you get into counseling and develop a plan, it could be all for naught. If he's getting involved with somebody only a couple of weeks ago, don't count on recovery just yet. He could just be telling you what you want to hear. Trust me, I am in the EXACT same boat (except my H met the new chickie a month ago now.) His actions needs to start backing up his words before either one of you can graduate to the recovery stage. Good luck.<p>[This message has been edited by Carolina Belle (edited September 05, 2000).]

CB-<P>Yes, I am definitely keeping my guard up. No, I do not feel we are in recovery. How can we be? He won't commit to the marriage and is still looking elsewhere. Right now we take things one day at a time but I feel we are just in limbo. I know we desperately need to get into counseling but I don't know how to approach the subject without sending him running. He has extremely negative feelings about counseling because of the bad experience he had when his parents divorced when he was a teenager. Does anyone have any advice on how I can get us to this next step? <P><P>------------------<BR>Molli<P>Find your strength within!

Hi Molli.<P>You MUST stand firm. I am going to post a link to our story, I hope this helps.<P>Get Love Must Be Tough by James Dobson. Lovingly, firmly implement it. It does mesh with MB, you'll see what I mean from these posts of mine last year:<BR> <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/forum/Forum1/HTML/009174.html" TARGET=_blank>http://www.marriagebuilders.com/forum/Forum1/HTML/009174.html</A> <p>[This message has been edited by alias (edited September 06, 2000).]

Alias,<P>I would love to read your story but the link is missing...<P><P>------------------<BR>Molli<P>Find your strength within!

Molli, BE PATIENT!<P>I am wading through three usernames and 18 months of old posts...<P>There are two full story updates on General Questions, then read these also:<P>This one is about our setback: which happened last Christmas after two months of no contact and what I thought was great progress. He had a few emails and phone chats with her, just innocuous office chat, but I went ballistic, since he had changed jobs to initiate the NO CONTACT thing.<BR> <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/forum/Forum1/HTML/011302.html" TARGET=_blank>http://www.marriagebuilders.com/forum/Forum1/HTML/011302.html</A> <P>I will now attempt to find my post on how MB and Love Must Be Tough worked in sync for me.<P>lizzie

Molli, I can't find the one I am looking for, it must have been on General I, the forum that is missing now.<P>This post has some more of our story, though:<BR> <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/forum/Forum25/HTML/000413.html" TARGET=_blank>http://www.marriagebuilders.com/forum/Forum25/HTML/000413.html</A> <P>blessings, lizzie<P>

Lizzie-<P>I just want to say thank you for sharing your story. It has helped me refocus on my relationship with my H. Now that my H is home I want so badly for all of this to be over and done with ASAP (as in yesterday) but I realize that it takes time. It took time for him to come home and it will take time to forgive and heal from all of this. Your story, though, gave me hope and inspiration. I just have to keep showing my H my love and understanding (as I have been doing for months now) and I know I will see the baby steps I so desperately want to see. <P>Thanks so much, Lizzie!<P><P>------------------<BR>Molli<P>Find your strength within!