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#886071 09/14/00 05:45 PM
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I've been physically separated from H for well over 3 months now (the kids and i have been "traveling" for "summer vacation"), and i think divorce may be the only option that would restore my happiness and self-esteem.<BR>the problem is, H is claiming to be very in love with me, not seeing OW, and wants me to come home and "be a wife".<BR>Today, i talked with OW on the instant messenger, and asked her, just for my edification, why her piano was still in H's living room (been there since well before d-day #1, over 2 years). She refused to answer, as she had before, and spouted some stuff about how strong i am and how "we" all need to be a good example for my kids (what a magnaminous soul!). I told her i was moving to an apartment, and that H is wanting me back, and she suggested we all meet and discuss things calmly.<BR>I called H (and sent him a copy of the chat), and told him that was her plan, and he just went on and on about how he would not do it, had nothing to say to either of us, and had no control over her (he had not read the chat yet).<BR>So? What do you all think? who should i believe? why does she want him so bad, and why is he claiming to want me? He's about the biggest liar i've ever known, so i just don't trust what he tells me at all, and yet it seems that he has not been seeing her...much, at least...while i've been gone.<BR>Is she just THAT desparate for him?<BR>It would be so easy to believe that he wants me, and be in plan A, but frankly, im just sick of his lies and instability (he's had 8 jobs in 3 years, and i really want to settle down for the kids, 3 and 1, and not worry about where he'll be next week or next month).<BR>I have not been much of a "marriagebuilder" i'll admit it, but the wiser of you will recognize that i would not be here at all if i didn't have some shred of hope....sooooo, should i believe him? what should i do?<BR>help!<BR>

#886072 09/14/00 09:24 PM
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Julie, you sound the best you have ever sounded, and I'm sure just having some sort of predictability in your life has helped tremendously.<P>Don't go back to that pit. If it is 100% over between the two of them, you wouldn't have these questions. Plan B.<P>Glad to hear you and the kids are doing better.

#886073 09/15/00 10:53 AM
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thanks, tnt. i need the pats on the back right now to keep up the confidence [Linked Image from marriagebuilders.com]

#886074 09/15/00 11:14 PM
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<BR> One thing I'd be wondering is WHY she feels<BR>the "three" of you "need" to sit down and talk..and something I'd do..is tell h that he needs to do to "prove" he really wants this to work out between the two of you he needs to have her get her piano, or have it removed for her!! If he is really sincere he'll do that. Then you can decide what to do from there..

#886075 09/15/00 11:34 PM
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thornedrose: yeah, whenever H and i are arguing, i bring up the piano, and last time, he got all mad at me, that i was impossible to talk to when i did that. so im like, "duh!" get rid of it!!! but he has some lame excuse, or, like OW, just refuses to acknowledge the question at all, which is why i finally asked her.<BR>im beginning to think he really wants her and me to fight him out between us, he just can't make up his mind.<BR>he just got a large settlement from a lawsuit, and has promised an ever-dwindling share of it to me. i should have known better than to depend on him. sigh.<BR>yeah, it's time for plan b....


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