I just finished reading Dobson's book, "Love Must Be Tough". The principal's are quite different from what MB teaches, but there is a lot of good information in there. I can see where it could be especially helpful to those here who have decided it's time for Plan B.<P>Since my H is not involved in an ongoing A (that I am aware of, anyway), and he's simply moved out and made himself scarce, I didn't see anything that I could specifically apply in my case. However, toward the end of the book, there is a chapter called "Angry Women/Passive Men" and I thought maybe Dobson had secretly done a case study on my marriage. It describes a woman who has an ideal of emotional and romantic expectation from the marriage and a husband who is a "workaholic" and feeling he is fulfilling his role by only providing financial support to the family. They are at odds with each other and the conflict creates a downward spiral of anger and resentment. It describes our situation to a tee! <P>My H has this idea that we are unique in what we are going through and this chapter proved to me that there are "millions" of divorces that take place after running the course he described in this chapter. <P>Dobson says that often the situation can be remedied by simply having the "angry woman" back off her demands and give the "passive husband" some relief from the pressure he is under. Well, my H has backed himself off. He's moved out. He doesn't think there is anything that can be done to "cure" the problems.<P>I know MB methods site that we should not "educate" our spouses, but I can't help but wonder if my H knew that we are <B>not</B> unique and there are ways we can break out of the pattern we've been living, if it would make any difference to him. My initial thought was to actually photocopy this chapter of the book and send it to him. Would that be way out of line, do you think?<P>I'm still looking for answers -- trying to find some way I can prevent the demise of our marriage.<P><P>------------------<BR>Love and Prayers,<BR>KristyAnn

Hi! KA,<P>Well, I love education, so my tendency is to agree with you and say send it. On the other hand, you don't want to tee him off further.<P>Not being an expert I can only give you my take. IF you H has a sense of humor, then I would send it to him with a preface by you. In that I would make some light comments about find "us" written up in the books. Suggest that he might find it interesting. So forth. It is hard to give very explicit advice here since I really don't know either of you.<P>By the way, how was the card or whatever you finally gave H with his "girl friends" on it, received? I got to think it made him think and even chuckle. It is tough to have a stiff upper lip, when confronted with the likes of his "girl friends".<P>Just go back and read some of your earlier posts KA. You will be amazed how far you have come, how much you have learned, and how you have grown. You are doing will.<P>God Bless,<P>JL

Hiya JL!<P>Man, I'm having a great morning! After posting on EN re: Twilight Zone, I got so many great ideas, it got me <B>way</B> motivated today and I've accomplished a bunch of stuff (still more to go, but it feels good to break some chains).<P>I'm not sure how he liked the pictures of his "girlfriends." It turned out really good, though! He took the gift with him last Sunday (Anniversary day) but I haven't heard anything from him since (per usual). I hope it made him smile.<P>He is in another state right now at that Manager/Spouse outing -- without me . I'm hoping that he will miss me at least a little bit while he's there -- all his buddies are there with their wives!! He may be facing a little heat there, too. Everyone is probably wondering where I am and he's gonna have to say something -- hopefully not a lie, like I kicked him out (NOT!). A couple of the wives there are my friends and they know the truth. Neither are planning to confront him in any way, in fact I know one said she just wanted to let him know they care and are praying for us.<P>Have you read the book I'm referring to, JL? I'm not sure how he would take being "educated." Maybe I'll pray about it and God will lead me. <P>I just wish there was something more I could do. I feel like I'm stranded on a desert island. He won't allow himself to spend more than a few minutes with me at a time once a week, and he does not talk about how he feels or what he's thinking. It's so frustrating. I think I've been doing so well when I <B>do</B> see him, but he is not budging an inch. I guess that's why I'm feeling I want to interject the info from the book, but who knows, it may just tick him off because in his mind it's <B>sooo</B> over.<P>I'm not sure when I'll see him next. He gets back from his outing Sunday and he may or may not make the time to call or stop by. I just never know. I feel so in the dark.<P>Well, better get back to my GOOD day! Much more to do !! Thanks for all your wonderful support, JL, you are a true friend.<P><P>------------------<BR>Love and Prayers,<BR>KristyAnn

dear ka,<BR>Just read your post and wanted you to know that I am reading that book too.I am really at a loss for what works best,I have only read a few chapters ,but his theory seems to be different than "surviving an affair".I have tried plan a ,and then planb, now plan a again.I wish I knew what worked,sometimes I get so discouraged I think nothing will work.I just wish I knew what will be the most effective for my H.bethn

Yeah, Alone, I know what you mean. The book is good, but it's applications have some limitations. You've done PlanA - PlanB - PlanA?? What is your situation. I've probably heard it somewhere, but I'm not sure. <P>I'm not sure what to do with my H since he's not home I'm kind of doing the one-day-at-a-time Plan!<P><P>------------------<BR>Love and Prayers,<BR>KristyAnn

Dear KA,<BR>H had an internet affair ,several in fact,finally he met one needy person who didnt care that H was married.He moved out in april,saved money,moved her down with 2 OC.s.<BR> Have to laugh at one day at a time plan, ,me too.I quess only God knows what are plan should be.Love and prayers,beth

So, Beth, is he still out of the house? How much do you see him or have contact with him? Are you divorced? Or is there a divorce pending? Is he still w/OW and OC's? Sorry for all the questions, I just want to get an idea of what you're dealing with.<P>As your read through the book, let me know what you think. I thought it was good, but hard to apply except in "unseparated" situations. What do you think?<P><P>------------------<BR>Love and Prayers,<BR>KristyAnn

dear KA,<BR>Got to go to work,but will reply breifly.H is still out of house,divorce is pending,H is still with ow and oc's.talk later.LOve and prayers,beth