She came home from her trip to Jordan (the country) last night, had been gone for 6days for work. Yesterday the 19th I was feeling good about the relationship, maybe because she was coming home. Last night was good also. She gave my a big hug an kisses, I felt like she really did miss me. This morning was good also, nothing special but I was happy she was around.<P>Then when she walked out of the door to work it hit like a ton of brinks. All my doubts...... I would never know if she saw him, sleep with him or even talked to him.<BR>Why did these feeling surface again???<P>Have been plan A ing for about 8.5 month, had a baby (3rd kid) in May (she is mine). But have had meny let downs... She has talked to him, seen him on her travels to Jordan, e-mails him( never saw her replies but his e-mails had sexual content about what he missed doing)and calls to him before. <BR>If she sleep with him, kissed or even hugged him I would/ will leave her. If all she did was call him and talk I would have to think about my next step. No I would stay and plan A it more but another brick would go up to protect my heart.<P>How can Things feel like they are getting better (a whole lot better) yet I be on my last string???<BR>Is it wierd because emotionally I am at a point where I could leave BUT I also feel like things are improving and like we are getting closer???? She still has the ability to bring a smile to my face and warmth to my heart. This trip was hard because things are going good but when she is away things can only stay the same or get worse. How can we work being close when she is away?<P>No LB's right so some ??? not sure how or if they should be asked.<BR>Do I ask her if she saw or talked to him?<BR>How does she feel and handle about being there?<BR>Should I tell her how lonely I feel when she travels and even more when she travels to the mid-east?<BR>Do I tell her I'm not she I can handle many more trips to Jordan although many more trips are need for her job?<BR>Do I tell her how that is when I have the most doubts about trust and us?<BR>And about how all these trips is a major source of resentment and how that resentment snowballs into other areas in are relationship?<BR>I hate her job, she loves her job and needs a lot of support in it. That is one of the many places where I have contributed to this. How She needs to find a job with no travel or at least a whole lot less??<P>Then on top of everthing else she brings home a music cd in arabic. I realise that this sounds funny but it reminds me of him because it reminds me of her facination/ love with that part of the world.( ancient civilizations)<BR>She has promise to try her best at not seeing or talking to him again, but the temptation must be great when she travels.<P>Just not sure how honest I should be about my feels. She needs me to be strong and supportive and make it a safe place to be emotionaly. So she can open back up to me<P>Man this is hard does it get easier?? haha<BR>sorry so long<p>[This message has been edited by BL (edited September 21, 2000).]

is anyone out there?

Dear BL<P>I wrote you a long reply but was not allowed to post. I am testing now.

Dear BL, I wrote you a long reply, and that took more than an hour, and when I tried to post - it was refused and I was locked out. Several hours ago, I was locked out of most of my posts at GQ. Must be Steve Harley's merge.<P>Okay, here's what I think and I do not want you to go all crazy when you read. <P>I think you have to be prepared for what your wife may tell you, and like you both agree, it has to be a safe place emotionally before she opens up. Whatever it is, I think there may already be an EA at the least. This I deduce from the sexual contents of his emails to her. If she is not interested, she would not continue to reply and talk to him.<P>I am saying this in the hope that you become more emotionally prepared and work out your solutions before you LB (I am not a PLan A person so I am not the resident expert at all, but I do read about LBs) when and should she decide to tell.<P>It is very hard for me to say that yes she is having a PA. I think you can figure out that yourself. You can pick up the clues and especially when you are intimate. I hate to say this, but sometimes when people are abroad, they tend to feel less mindful of their responsibilities, and do things out of excitement or something. Your wife may feel that she is trying to get over this man gradually and return to a normal life with you once this 'friendship' has run its course.<P>I would suggest you write her about how you feel and get books on the devastating effects divorce have on children and both of you read them. When you decide to write to her (given to her prior to her boarding the plane so she can really reflect - the plane does strange thingsto people too - it makes things more critical), and give her the books in gift wrap to be opened on board, YOU MUST DO IT ONLY IF YOU WANT TO WORK on the marriage. If you want to leave, then there is little point in asking her to reflect on the future, right?<P>I am not you, and I am suggesting things and analysing the situation in the light of what I have read.<P>I would also suggest you get some books such as "forgive and forget- healing the hurts you do not deserve" by Lewis B. Smedes, "Prayer and FaSTING" BY Derek Prince.<P>NSR has a list of books, you can go to FIND, and type in NSR and Notable Posts.<P>I also feel that counselling and a supportive church help a great deal in instilling a sense of responsibility as well as in working out the solutions that would help in your particular situation.<P>You can, also, cut out advertisements or get onto the net, for appointments for positions she is well qualified to do without she having to travel.<P>Please look after your health at this stage and stay positive, look sharp, be joyful and let her see the "prince" she first fell in love with.<P>Take care<BR>weep

Oh yes there was a Pa an Ea and everything else that comes from and affair. We (I) have been plan A ing for 8-9 months. I am not sure it is still going. She said she is not calling him or at least tring not to I'm not to good at putting my feeling down on paper.<P>July 99 she meet the guy<BR>by sept 99 she was having a PA EA<BR>lasted until Dec 99<P><BR>Has talked to OM and has saw OM sence then but said she is working on us. <BR>She is to just not sure how hard.<BR>the talking is getting better<BR>so is the hugging kisssing but that is at for over a year now. And there has been noticable improment for about a month.