Hello MB friends,<P>Well, life DOES go on. The ups and downs continue, and the hard work has begun.<P>Firestorm is continuing with his counseling, and it is really having an effect on him. He is having to face a lot of unpleasant things (not easy for a conflict avoider), and is beginning to work through a lot of issues that laid the ground work for the affair.<P>He has discovered that he is a rescuer, which makes sense given his occupation. So it is easy to see that when the other woman began asking for help in dealing with her aggressive and abusive husband (I've known the man for over thirty years, her claims are SO untrue), firestorm rode in on his white horse (or red firetruck) to save the day. Anyway, he has much more work to do in therapy and I will soon be joining him there at the counselor's request.<P>We also started counseling with Steve Harley on Monday and I am happy with it so far. Firestorm is EXTREMELY enthusiastic about it, and we have been working on the "homework" Steve assigned us for the week.<P>Firestorm has been very diligent about letting me know where he is at all times, calling me from work several times a day, having ALL his email forwarded to me automatically, screening his calls at work in case she tries to contact him again (has only happened once since dday#2 and she really "lovebusted" him then before he hung up on her), and really trying to be more open and honest.<P>I'm encouraging him to return to the forum and share things from his perspective, but I don't think he is quite ready for that yet. We've both been dealing with the feeling that we let our friends here down, and firestorm especially feels very guilty about that.<P>I find myself accepting the truth and getting stronger everyday, knowing that I will survive whatever happens in the future. Steve Harley's coaching really forces you to examine things in a whole new way.<P>I have come to realize that nothing has happened in our marriage that can't be forgiven, forgotten, and rebuilt with time, work, and love. Unfortuately, it takes two committed people to do that.<P>Firestorm claims to have that committment (heard that before, we'll see), and I guess I am waiting for some proof before I'm willing to jump back in with both feet.<P>At any rate, things are greatly improved from where they were five weeks ago. Sept. 27 will be dday#1 anniversary. We will NOT be celebrating it, but we will acknowledge the past year and try to continue to survive with our love intact.<P>Why would anyone in their right mind choose for all of this to happen? Does anyone remember what life was like before infidelity ruled our world?<P>Love to you all,<P>Peppermint

peppermint:<P>I am very happy for the both of you. <P>We like Firestorm and yourself have a 2nd dday and things are better for us as well. In fact I have more down times them my husband. I need to work on that, cuz it isn't fair to either of us.<P>I see my husband's actions and that mean more to me than words do. He knows he has said all the things to me before, except he is in love with me and last time he never could say those words. He even says he isn't in love with the ow since the 2nd dday and that mean a lot to me.<P>But like you I am not jumping with both feet in yet only time but that happens.<P>We are working on our issues as well and things from our childhood have effected our current lives and we are working through those together. The main one is being open and honest, and both have been conflict avoiders as it isn't easy, both we turn to each other for help. Love that husband of my so very very much.<P>Best wishes,<P>Judy<BR>

Hey Judy,<P>I'm glad to hear that things are going well with you, and I hope your great progress continues.<P>Peppermint

Peppermint,<P>Cyber hugs, good thoughts and prayers coming your way.<P>{{{{{{{{{{{{{{peppermint}}}}}}}}}}}}}}<P><BR>God bless<BR><P>------------------<BR>Love and Prayers<BR>Nicole

Peppermint-<P>It was so nice to read your update and hear that things are going very well so far. It sounds as though that path will continue too-I am happy for you both!<P>You asked the question-Does anyone remember what their life was like before infidelity. Sadly-I do remember.<P>I was so happy and content. My H had taught me to have faith in myself and in him. I am in my forties and for the first time ever I felt I was able to trust my man-he said he wouldn't ever do anything like have an affair. He also said he wanted to be #1 in someones life. I chose to amke him number 1.<P>I still do not know what caused him to have a 2 year affair. Here it is-going into the 17th month since D-Day and I still have the A on my mind all day.<P>I enjoy nighttime as it means I can go to sleep and forget for a few hours.<P>I can't believe I have spent somewhere around 500 days with such pain. And where as I have come a ways in my healing I know I have a long way to go and I wonder if I will make it.<P>I don't believe in suicide. But for some one who loved married life and family I am ready to go. There are days I pray to God to take me if he is ready for me. I am just so tired-so darned tired of hurting.<P>I am so proud of all here who can try so hard-without any help from the spouse-and yet remain so positive (Sheba).<P>You all are truly good people!<P>I wish you and firestorm a long and very happy life together <P>------------------<BR>*heartache*<P>"Life's A Dance<BR>You Learn As You Go.<BR>Sometimes You Lead<BR>Sometimes You Follow!<BR>Don't worry 'Bout What You Don't Know<BR>LIfe's A Dance <BR>You Learn As You Go."

Hello Nicole,<P>Thanks for your positive thoughts and prayers. I think of you often. Hope all is well with you.<P>Hello Heartache,<P>We are VERY much alike, and were at the same place in our lives regarding trust and marriage. That makes this whole mess so very hard to understand.<P>I don't believe in suicide, but I have certainly been very close to it at times in the past year. I don't believe in divorce either, but it is something I am having to seriously consider and be prepared for.<P>I have prayed the same prayers you mentioned many times in the past, but now my daily prayers include a request to make it through another day. Day by day, I am surviving. AND I WILL BE OKAY, with or without firestorm. I hope it will be with him, but that depends on him.<P>Thanks for your kind words.<P>Best wishes,<P>Peppermint

Hang in there girl! Remember to give him that positive reinforcement for his efforts! <BR> and....HEY Firestorm!......the same advice goes for you........you lucky man you!God bless you both!