We have been married for 5 years, together for 7. 7 years ago, when I first started dating H, I was still seeing another guy in secret. This lasted about 4 months, then I dumped the guy for my future H because I fell in love. (I have been posting to the "Conflict" board for a little while. The full details are there.)<BR>Now, 7 years later, H won't let me live it down. He found out on our 1st wedding anniversary from a buddy who saw me with the old BF when I had been dating my H for about a month. Around our 1st anniversary, the buddy told H that he had seen me sneaking around with the BF in my car. That was a lie! To disprove this myth, I traded in my car for something different. The buddy reported another "sighting" to my H, in my old car, and H turned on him, realizing the lie.<BR>Still, we had a bangup fight on that 1st anniversary, and he has never forgiven me for my "affair." He has played the role of the betrayed spouse for the past 4 years, and whenever we fight, he brings this topic in to beat me with it. I have groveled and tried to please him for 4 years. During this time, he has constantly accused me of sneaking around with some guy, any guy. If he can't reach me by cell or pager, he insists I had my legs in the air. <BR>I've turned myself into a hermit, not going out with friends or co-workers. I don't leave the house without his company except for work. We spend a lot of time sitting on the couch in silence.<BR>Recently, I had to go on a business trip for 2 weeks, and he went nuts, became violent (didn't hurt me.) He insisted I had a boyfriend in this other city and was shacking up! He said he'd divorce me if I went, but I'd lose my job if I didn't. I told him I had to go. H didn't leave me.<BR>What can I do to appease him? I'm so sick of being accused and suspected I'm just disgusted with him. Anybody dealing with the imaginary affair? I'm ready for an imaginary divorce!

I know exactly how you feel. My husband even went to the point of taping my conversations. I never cheated on him at all but because of things like coming home late from work and other rumors he was sure that I did. I basically became a hermit too. So one night when we got into a fight I said that I would prove it by taking a lie detector test. The first one I took was a joke because the guy did not cover the areas that my husband had asked him to. So we went to a different city and I took another one. that one my husband was able to tell the guy what to ask and he did. I passed with flying colors. Things are better now but it takes a long time to build up the complete trust. When I was in your shoes I had two options, I could take the test, proving that I never did it and my H and I work things out. Or I could walk a way. Don't ask me if I did the right thing because right now I am not sure. I have anger towards him that I had to go that far and I don't think we will ever be like we were before. I hope that you will make the choice that is right for you.Maybe just offering to take the test will be enough for your H. You will be in my prayers.