In honor of my beloved late cat who always loved me, never left my side and comforted me when I was blue. He went bezerk for catnip like my husband used to go bezerk for me. <P>Catnip =^^=

So you don't have to be a brain surgeon to figure me out. I am (was) just the wife. Now I am large and in charge. When I had my initial discovery I called bitc# girl and was totally loving and wonderful and let her know how much I loved my husband and how we had 2 darling babies, and have worked so hard to build our life together and even if she did love him it would mean the world to me if she would allow us to work on our marriage. When I got off the phone and told him I made the call he cried "How could you hurt her like that!" and all sorts of other bs. So I answered with I am just the wife. If I could be something different it would be thewifewiththefaithfulhusband or thewifewhonevergotcheatedon.<BR>Really I am Elizabeth

Gee, do you think mine needs explanation? I was absolutely 3 degree burned!!<P>

rockaway<P>Patient Love is my second user name on this board. When I first entered in November 1999 I was untallnikba "Untall because I am pretty short - 5'0" and Nikba - a mixture of my first and last names. I wanted to have a name that didn't have emotion attatched to it. I was so hurt and so empty and so lost and so broken at that time but knew that I wouldn't be that way forever.<BR>I changed my name to Patient Love in December because I really needed to remind myself to be patient with my H. He wanted to give everything to our marriage but was so lost in "the fog" that he couldn't see well enough to do it. I felt that having a user name that reminded me of what I needed to be and do would help me through the tough times.<P><BR>------------------<BR>Love and Prayers<BR>Nicole <p>[This message has been edited by Patient Love (edited October 04, 2000).]

I am enjoying these names. They're a lot of fun and insightful.<BR>Hi-Infidelity - You probably had the same problem I did - my wife's owner's manual came in a language I don't understand. Believe me, I have tried to read it. I'm just having a lot of trouble figuring it out. My wife is not much help - she keeps editing it!<BR>I appreciate the ones who honor their pets and acknowledge their unconditional love towards their owners. However, in my case, that has its limits. My daughter has two cats, Rose and Violet. Do you think they show me unconditional love? NOT! They are totally indifferent to any care and affection you show them, unless it serves their need to be stroked or fed. Not unlike some relationships I've been in! <BR> Justthewife - you aren't my wife posting here are you? I'm afraid that my wife could share your sentiment when I was in my own fog of infidelity. I hope I am changing for the better.<BR>Catnip, WeNeQn - two creative and eye-catching names. My wife and I used to go after each other like catnip. I think we are working our way back there. WeNeQn, one of the sweet pleasures in life is an old-fashioned "50's-style hamburger stand. I'm sure you really appreciated your "professional name"!<BR>Patient Love - what a great reminder for yourself and an inspiration to the rest of us. I have been humbled by my wife's patient love after her discovery of my second affair. She has mostly been kind, loving, patient, all in the spirit of I Corinthians 13. Gives me incentive to honor her by putting her first and by putting my affairs behind me, never to do that again.<P>Rockaway<p>[This message has been edited by rockaway (edited October 04, 2000).]

I am Peppermint because that is the nickname my husband called me when we were dating (after peppermint patty in Peanuts). It reminds me of a much sweeter time in our relationship.<P>My husband is firestorm because he is a firefighter and a firestorm is one of the greatest dangers they face (besides having to face a betrayed wife!).

Mine's pretty obvious, too. When I joined this board, I was hurting deeply, and I live in Illinois. <P>Now, a more appropriate name would be healinginil. I've come a long way, but still have a long way to go.....

Hi all!<BR>I decided on my nic because I am feeling stronger about making my life a better more fulfilling place. <BR>I have been separated for over 5 yrs, stbxH and I have attempted reconciliation several times, but it just never worked out. I think one reason I held on so long was that I was a little scared to be single again. <BR>But after 5+ yrs of being on my own I'm not scared anymore. I'm a stronger person, I'm ready to move on and I won't accept someone who doesn't respect me or my feelings, and who isn't willing to try to make himself a better person in the process.<P>In seeking a divorce I don't feel I've failed at MB, I feel that I've learned what it takes to be in a happy healthy relationship at some point in the future. <P>Rockaway, I really like your choice of nics, it made me smile. I'm sorry that you find yourself dealing with this.

Now I feel really unimaginative -- my initials and birth year. I just chose something I could remember easily. Maybe that means I am practical? (Maybe boring) Maybe I should change my name to HotMama or something! (Hot when it happened and things are "heating up" for us in recovery)

Well I guess mine is pretty easy to figure out! I feel that my husband did discard me for HER. No two ways around it, he did after 30 years of marriage. But I am slowly getting better. It will never be the same but at least I can think about tomorrow.<P>

One good thing about this site is that we are all at different stages in this particular path of life and that we can all help each other along to higher ground. It is helpful for me to know that people are incredibly resourceful and resilient, and that there are people who can recover and move on in spite of the hell they have been through as evidenced most recently here by AStrongerMe, hurtinginil and discarded.<BR>Gives me hope.<BR>I'll be barebones honest here. I'm the bad guy, having had two affairs in the last two years. The second affair ended a month ago, and I'm still in withdrawal. For probably 5 or so years I think I have been in the withdrawal stage of marriage. Although the affairs are over, we're in counseling, wife is doing everything she can to help us along, (I can't believe she kept me after discovering the second affair), I just feel numb! I am humbled and contrite, but I think I should feel ecstatic for being given a second chance I don't deserve! But I feel little affection for my wife, little joy. (she has been good as gold). I feel like an ungrateful wretch who should be thankful for what he has, but if the marriage ended tomorrow, I would almost heave a sigh of relief.<BR>I am trying to do what our counselor suggested: behave my way back to my feelings. That is, show affection when I don't feel it. Be romantic even though I don't feel like it. It is awkward, but I'm trying.<BR>My wife asks, "If this is the way you feel, why do you want to keep trying?" My answer is that I don't want to live with the guilt of destroying my marriage, damaging my daughter. If we are indeed stewards of what God has given us, I have messed up badly and I have to try and fix what I have broken. I don't want my wife to feel like what Disgarded feels - discarded.<BR>I know this sounds terrible, but that is where I am right now. <BR>

Rockaway-<BR>I really feel your pain. I, too, feel like I am only going through the motions with my husband because I cannot bring myself to cause him such pain. He has been playing the role of betrayed spouse for years now, although I did not have an affair! He really views what I did as having an affair (hanging on too long to the old BF at the start of our relationship).<BR>If H wasn't trying so hard with the Plan A approach right now, I'd just walk away. I'm dead inside. I've never been a warm person, and right now I'm downright frosty.<BR>You know, at the height of my anger with H, I thought to myself that I really ought to have an affair, just to show him what it really is! After all, if I'm already doing the time, why shouldn't I commit the crime? And some unwitting OM would be a perfect escape route. But that's not like me. I don't feel any such desire. To be cold with H or cold some OM?

LOL sweet and a bit erotic well supose you could say that of me too, Rockaway I understand you Americans very well I am originally from england but have been here 26 years now, no difficulty understanding at all .....<BR>This name thread is very interesting will keep following this one <P>Jen

Hi Rockaway,<P><BR>You wrote in another thread that your wife was the first to be unfaithful to you and you followed that up with two affairs? If that is the case then she can better understand your feelings.<P>You can MAKE THE CHOICE to love agin. I was advised that forgiving, loving, etc. is about making a choice without the feelings. The feelings will come later. It is like you tell yourself, yes, I will make something out of the confusing mess, I will take up my part of the relationship and work on it. I choose to do this.<P>God speed

Ok, sorry for my little pity party. I'm back on top of it today and want to get back to the main theme of this thread - names.<BR>I will respond to the latest posts tho, before moving on.<BR>Weep - it is true, love is a choice. That's the premise I am working on. I have to have faith that the feelings that were there once will return - after all, we reap what we sow, right? I think I am dealing with a combination of MLC, some depression, and a lot of childish thinking. I AM working hard to overcome these defects.<BR>Sugarinbritches - I've not seen your story. What is it? By the way, my wife grew up in central Africa - Rwanda and Burundi. When we lived in South America we got acquainted with some people from Johannesburg (sp?) South Africa who were quite fun and charming. Bet you are too!<BR>Mourning - you and I seem to have a lot in common. I am glad you are choosing to work out your problems with your husband instead of going the affair route, tempting as that is. The downside of affairs for both betrayed and betrayer is pure He$$. Wish I had never been there, wish I had never done that.<BR>Now, back to fun names! <p>[This message has been edited by rockaway (edited October 06, 2000).]

Glad you asked. Ever hear of an asylum for the mentally ill in NYC, I believe it's closed now. "Bellevue". <P>When we had our D day conversation, after the initial shock and numbness and disbelief (denial?) wore off, I began to think I was crazy. My head actually spun. I became an ugly fishwife. I cursed my H and said horrible things to him. He told me I was crazy. One doesn't call a "friendship" an "affair," after all. <P>If one loves their spouse, they do not shout "I hate you! I wish you were dead! I hope you and OW both burn in hell!" as I did. Such a crazy reaction, for no provocation. ("I don't love you; I feel no passion for you; I only want us to live together until our child is grown and then I want to move out and not be married to you anymore Why can't you just accept that? OW is just my friend and I'm not giving her up for you. You'll just have to get used to it. Now be civil!") <P>Nope. Nothing provocative there!<P>Months after he called me crazy, I got a wild idea to put "emotional affairs" into the search engine on our computer. Viola, I end up on MB boards. And the belief that one can be hot and heavy into an affair and betray your spouse without actually having sex, seems to be a popular mental illness. <P>I wonder what the shrinks call it? They have a name for all kinds of things.<P><P>------------------<BR>Belle, Domestic Goddess

I chose [censored] because 'that's my name' - yea, I know....everyone is a comedian.<P>Really, that's my name.<P>[censored] from Texas

I read the book by Jim Conway and his wife, "Women in Mid-Life Crisis" and boy, did it describe me! There is even a passage in that book that eerily touches on my login name:<P><BR> <BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR><B>Now is the time to seek the truth about who you are, what you want to do, who you will love and let love you, and what mission you want to accomplish in life </B><HR></BLOCKQUOTE><P>I had not read this book before I chose my login name, but that is exactly why I chose it. <P><p>[This message has been edited by TruthSeeker (edited October 07, 2000).]

There is a meaning to my name (actually pronounced Miaka). I chose it from an anime that I watched called Fushigi Yugi. It's about a junior high school girl and her best friend Yui who read this strange book called the Universe of the Four Gods. Upon reading that book, both girls are tranported back into ancient China where Miaka meets this guy named Tamahome. From then on, the two fall in love and vow to be together one day despite circumstances and fate saying that they could never be together. It's really interesting. <P>Anyway, I chose the name because that girl is a lot like myself, but Tamahome is nothing like my husband, but it would be nice if he was.....<P>I hope this doesn't sound cheesy, does it?

The fact that I use our son's pet name really PO's his father--it was the first thing that I could thing of to call myself.<P>The kid is the one who really suffers in the mess, in the long run, and all around.<P>The kid is a little person who is precious to both of us, we have a million good memories surrounding his existence.<P>H gave him the name when he was little because the little guy liked Italian opera--sounds "Italian" doesn't it?