I have talked myself out of it for so long. And my h was not in agreement until recently. K suggested on another thread that maybe he was threatened by the thought of me getting well and strong. He was right!<P>I have many things I need to work out that go beyond the marriage.<P>As I see it, the help that a good counsellor can give is:<P>Point out our blindspots when we are not seeing things (though mostly I think I'm pretty clear on the issues).<P>But how do they help me work through anger and hurt and into peace? I'm not expecting a magic wand, that's for sure. In fact, it took a lot for me to finally make an appointment.

Just relax and be honest in the session. Say what you feel. If you're going with him, listen, really listen, to what he says.<P>Although you feel that you're pretty clear on the blindspot issues, the therapist may give you another way of looking at things. Just be open to suggestion, even if you disagree.<P>Don't worry about how they will help you work through your anger. Just go with the flow and be willing to be open, honest, and willing to try whatever is suggested. These things take time, and the therapist has no idea of how long. It involves the depth of the issues and a willingness to participate.<P>Don't expect to feel magically cured or even different after the 1st session, if you've never seen him/her before it will probably be alot of fact finding. Questions about your parents, their marriage, your siblings, your relationship with your parents and siblings, etc. They need to find out what your influences have been in life, positive and negative, before they can develope a game plan.<P>Just accept the fact that you are going. That your life is getting ready to change for the better and start to look towards the future with hope and happiness.<P>Good Luck.

Oh Schizzo! Good for you!<P>Wishing you good luck with your counseling!<P>I absolutely LOVED counseling. Don't get me wrong, it's tough work...but it can be very enlightening. Don't be surprised if you're temporarily "down" following a session--sometimes you're forced to "wrestle" with a not-so-pleasant topic!<P>My counselor was able to put things into a totally different light for me...to *attack* issues from new and different angles. To get me thinking in a new mindset. <P>My C helped me understand/identify my faulty thinking habits. How I was making assumptions, or accepting blame where I shouldn't have been...or just simply how I needed to accept that others think differently than I do. That not everyone puts as much thought into their actions as I do. That some people don't care whether they hurt others or not.<P>Oh, it was so freeing.<P>BTW, I was pronounced "sane" several months ago....lol. But, would have sincerely enjoyed continuing to just "bounce around thoughts" with my C had it not been so expensive.<P>Good Luck. Let us know how it goes! ~Marie<P>

Schizzo,<P>I, like Marie, also loved counseling. It was difficult at times, but very good for me and my H. I stopped going about a month ago, because it seemed as though I was going there just to talk. At $90/hour, it wasn't worth it any more, and my counselor agreed that there wasn't much she could do any more, until my H decided to go back with me.<P>When I was intially going, I actually craved going. I guess that showed me how much I needed it. I just couldn't wait until my next session. By the end, I wasn't feeling that way at all, so it was time to take a break for awhile.<P>Just remember, it takes a strong person to admit they need help, and then go after it. Best of luck to both of you!<BR>