Hi everyone,<P>I'm just really beginning on this thrill of a lifetime, emotional roller coaster ride - otherwise known as a living hell!<P>I would just like to hear from some of you who have survived this trip, and still managed to restore that wonderful, secure, oneness (the us against them factor), that I am sure was present in most of your marriages prior to their devastation?<P>Would be grateful for any encouragement in my journey down this rocky road.<P>Thanks Trisha<BR>(Spain)

Welcome, Trisha. HGBrawner has been a tremendous encouragement to me--2 1/2 years into "recovery" and she seems to be sane, happy, normal, all the things I hope to regain (OK, so maybe I was never sane ). If you click on her profile, you can look up all previous posts (she posted to me yesterday, if that helps you "find" her, the thread about bringing things up again)--lots of solid, practical advice that really works. <P>Good luck and hold on tight--it's quite a ride!<P>------------------<BR>"Love always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres." 1 Corinthians 13:7

Hi Trisha!<P>I consider myself to be an MB success story. My H had an affair that lasted three months. Dday was 01-19-00. I confronted him about it on the 20th. All contact was broken then and there. <P>I wasn't sure where I wanted to head after this devistation as I was also dealing with an alcoholic.<P>January 21st was the first sober day for him. He hasn't had a drop since.<P>I think our recovery was faster than most. My H was willing to do whatever it took to get our marriage back on track. He didn't like the person he'd become and wanted to change that.<P>We started therapy a week to the day I found out. My H swore he'd never go to counseling for anything, and he was the one who called and made the appointment. We went every week until the end of May. Then we started every other week, and then once a month. We haven't been back since August, we've tried to smooth out the rough spots on our own.<P>We renewed our vows on the 23rd of September. We wrote our own wedding vows and bought new wedding bands. We're wearing them on our right hands.<P>The marriage I've had since we began recovery has been the best relationship I have ever been in. My H says the same. We do everything together now - at least as much as possible. We love one another's company, we converse, we play, we love. It's been wonderful.<P>I only had the rollercoaster ride for a few months after. Only now and then do I hit a snag. I try and talk it over with my H as soon as possible, as I'm still having that defense mechanism of just pretending nothing's wrong. But I'm getting better at it.<P>So, yes, it can be had. Success and the rainbow and the light at the end of the tunnel. It happened for me, and it's happened for a lot of other people on this board. HGBrawner and Lotsva. Search for their stories. Survivor (aka NoTrust) is another. She went through a very similar situation as mine, and she pulled me through a lot.<P>Trisha, I wish you the best of luck with your marriage! I hope it progresses as you want and hope it to.<P>--purplemag

Success story here! H had 6 month affair, left me for OW for 5 months of that. We have been back together for a year and a half now and are expecting a baby this Christmas! The first 6 months were the toughest for me but it gets better. I bleieve we have a better marraige than ever before.

I'd say you could count Robert and I in!<P>Six-eight month secret affair, moved out tolive with PT 6 weeks after he told me about her. Lived with her six months.<P>He's been home now going on 9 months and we're doing very well...truth be told, better spouses to each other than we were before.<P>Lori

7 months into recovery after my wife's 2 year emotional and physical affair consisting of 5 to 7 "flings" (a polite way to put it) with OM. There is still not a day goes by that it dosn't cross my mind but the pain is gone. It's a sad reminder of how close we came to loosing it all; it makes us cling to each other more than we ever had before. One thing that really helped was we both agreed to work on self improvement as well as the marriage. As a result we are two stronger people in a stronger marriage.

I'm glad to say that I'm finally a success story as well. Yes I lived through the roller coaster ride from d-day in Jan 2000 until Sept. It wasn't always rough - things began improving a little at a time in May when he decided to give our marriage a chance. He ended it with her then but there was still some contact from time to time. Finally last month he felt the need to purge himself from everything that reminded him about the affair & burned all their love letters, pictures etc. MB was right about not losing your cool with the WS. I noticed a change in how be began to view me. At first, she was the prize & I was the materialistic wife that he simply fell out of love with. Now he can't believe just how much I truly love him & is amazed by that. And things ended badly between them last month when he broke off all contact with her & asked that she return personal items he had given her. She didn't take this too well & he saw another side of her he had never seen before.<BR>Don't give up & follow the advice from the MB. It truly has helped me through the most difficult time of my life. I was in a lot of pain when I first began posting on this site. Now things are getting better one step at a time.

Another here, with a new and improved marriage,much better off than before this huge crisis in our lives.All of our trials can be used for personal growth if we just let them.It's been over a year of recovery for H and I now and we couldn't be happier! Hang in there.