<BR>In a world of unequal love, would you rather pine after a spouse who doesn't love you as much as you love them, or would you rather have a spouse who loves you more than you could ever return?<BR>

Interesting question, escpecially given the irony that it has with our marriage:<P>She used to love me more than I thought that I could return, but now that she's left and doesn't know how she feels anymore, I would be willing to have her back and love her more than she loves me.<P>Hmmm.....<P>------------------<BR>I am in this situation for a very good reason, it just took time to get over my own self-pity and understand why.

Well, it's been said that the one giving the least love is always in the power position, but if either is keeping score, how much love does that person really have?

Interesting...my friend always said she believed the man should love the wife a "little bit more". I've gotta tell ya in her case it seems to work..she loves her H but he will do whatever it takes to make her happy. She definately has more power. I'm curious to read the responses. Magoskid<P>

Unfortunately, unequal love is a reality, but when the love is so out of balance that one actually "knows" there's a difference, I think marital problems are sure to follow. Kinda follows the giver/taker thing; eventually the giver will get tired and rebel.<P>I have a friend whose Mom always told her to "never love him more than he loves you" Not sure if this is for power, protection of the heart or what.

Yes interesting. But what do you do when you think you are the one who loves more? Walk away? Is this a game? How do you prevent yourself from loving anyone let alone more than they love you.<P>Or maybe it's not love but loyalty. One is more loyal than the other. Do two people ever really love each other equally? <P>------------------<BR>Lost Soulmate<P>"Character is doing what's right, when no one is looking"

Respect comes into play in the mix, too.

I've experienced both and I have to say that neither one feels very good.<P>It hurts to love someone more than they love you.<P>I feel bad about myself if someone loves me more than I can return.<P>But achieving that equality in a relationship is tricky. I'm reminded of an old J. Geils tune "Love Stinks" :<P>I love her<BR>But she loves him<BR>And he loves somebody else<BR>You just can't win<P>That seems to be the way things go more often than not. I think for two people to truly love each other in equal amounts is pretty close to a miracle.

This question reminds me of a question that was tossed around the office the other day<P>You can only choose one of these options, and <B>only one</B> of these options:<P><B>If you had to choose, whom do you marry, the one that loves you, or that one that you love, and why?</B>

My Grandma always told me to make sure I don't love anyone. Once you give them your heart, they're bound to use it against you. "Remember, they'll never want you for you. They just want you for what they can get out of you. You do for me!"<BR>Strange, I never meant to follow her twisted words of advice, but I've never been able to really love anyone very much. My H is the closest I've come, and I know my love for H is far less than his love for me.<BR>It feels bad to know that he's spent our whole marriage waiting for me to finally open up and become emotionally intimate with him, but this is it. He's finally realized that it isn't going to get any better than this. Now he's crying every day because he feels like it's his fault. I told him it's not his fault I only have half a heart. <BR>I think my love for him has run its course like a virus. Now the fever has faded away, and I can see clearly now. Maybe Love is a contagious disease, and I just have a very good immune system!

Mourning: I'm so sorry you were brought up to be so protective. I disagree with not giving your heart to anyone. It's the most fulfulling emotion I have ever experienced.<P>Yes it's brought me pain and suffering but it's also brought me love, joy, happiness, so many happy emotions I can't even list them all. It took me a long time to give my heart to my H. Several months once we began dating. While he told me he loved me during the first several months (5 I think) I never replied with the same. I wanted to make sure that when I finally did say it that I meant it and that I knew it would last. Or at least at the time. Now I know that was a fantasy I shouldn't have had. Love is tough. I should have expected things to forever change. Then maybe my expectations of the relationship wouldn't have been so high and I wouldn't have expected to be happy all the time.<P>Please don't think you can never give your heart to someone. In the end I think I"d do it again. The experience I received from doing so can never be replaced. I guess you just need to be more careful is all. <P>------------------<BR>Lost Soulmate<P>"Character is doing what's right, when no one is looking"

Mourning,<P>Why is it that you can't open up to him? Have you enacted some sort of emotional protection mechanism because of something that has happened? Are you afraid to trust him with your feelings as you fear the vulnerability? Or does he smother you to the point that you subconsciously withdraw? Regardless of the reason, to eventually look back at you marriage and always wonder how it may have been different if you had only been able to give yourself fully doesn't sound like alot of fun.<P>Your grandma's advice sounds like she learned something the hard way in life, but that doesn't mean that it will happen to everyone.<P>------------------<BR>I am in this situation for a very good reason, it just took time to get over my own self-pity and understand why.

Assuming that there is love between two people, what difference does it make whose is *stronger*? And, BTW, who gets to decide whose love is stronger/better/deeper or more meaningful?<P>To me, it's a mute point. <P>FA: As far as your question, I guess I have a hard time understanding WHY any two people would get married if love was missing from the equation. Unless of course, it was an <BR>"arranged" marriage, or a marriage of "convenience"...of course, in this situation one would most likely go into the marriage with the knowledge that love was *missing*.<P>I personally would NOT want to get married to someone I didn't love, nor would I want any person to marry me that didn't feel love for me. So again, another mute point to me.<P>Okay, okay FA! I know, not marrying WAS NOT one of your options....so, hypothetically, if I had to choose one of your options, I would choose to marry the one I love! Why? Because I have confidence in myself that I would be able to "win" my new spouse over...I'm just too damn cute ...not to mention the fact that I make an awesome peanutbutter pie .<P>~Marie<BR>

My in laws are very mistrusting people, I am quite the opposite. They always used to say "youre best friend is your money in your pocket", everything was about $, you can never trust people etc... I found that so sad. You know what, they dont have many loving friendships - big suprise. <P>When my H had A, I remember him saying that he would never want to fall in love again - I found that strange because I was the one who was betrayed and yet I felt that I would one day find love again. <P>I hope Mourning opens her heart - it can be scary but its worth it. Magoskid