I have a question that's probably going to seem a little bit odd coming from me, but I must ask it. OK, there's some things that I would like to know and maybe you guys can help me figure it out. OK, let's start:<P><B>1. How do you feel about children/grandchildren sleeping in their parents/grandparents bed when they're 1 year old?<P>2. How do you feel about children/grandchildren sleeping in their parents/grandparents bed when they're 2 years old?<P>3. How do you feel about children/grandchildren sleeping on their parents/grandparents bed when they're 10 years old?<P>4. Do you think it's wrong of a child to sleep with parents/grandparents?<P>5. Do you think it's normal of a child to sleep with parents/grandparents?<P>6. Do you think it's ok for grandparents to want to sleep with their grandchildren (ages 1 to 6)?<P>7. How normal is sleeping with children/grandchildren in USA?<P>8. Do you think grandparents should be sleeping with children/grandchildren instead of their spouse?<P>9. Are children/grandchildren any different in behavior from sleeping with parents/grandparents?<P>10. Are children/grandchildren more "clingy" because of sleeping with parents/grandparents?</B><P>Thank you for your opinions. When people start to answer this, I will share what I think. Right now, I'm curious to hear everyone else's opinions on this subject.<P>Thanks,<BR>Miaka<P>PS As you can probably tell, things aren't going well. If you check out my poem (at least that's what I "think" it is) at <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/forum/Forum18/HTML/000175.html," TARGET=_blank>http://www.marriagebuilders.com/forum/Forum18/HTML/000175.html,</A> then you'll see what I mean. I know it sounds corny, but it's how I feel right now.<BR><p>[This message has been edited by yuki miaka (edited October 12, 2000).]

Yuki - there's actually quite a bit of research about "family beds". Some experts approve and some don't. Personally, my d who is now 9 never did much sleeping in my bed - even before x left. My sone would have done a lot of it over the last 5 years- he's now 7- if I had let him. My policy is that he sleeps with me only when necessary. And I prefer to go to his bed rather than have him in mine. Bad storms, waking almost in tears after a bad dream, sickness. Those things qualify. Most of the time, when he asks, I tell him to get his pillow and blankets and sleep on the floor. I need my sleep and I'll sleep better and be happier the next day if he will sleep on the floor. <P>When my children spend the night with their grandparents, which is seldom, they usually sleep with same sex grandparent. It's a matter of sleeping space. Not an emotional thing.<P>I know this information doesn't fit your poll, but it is all I have to offer tonight.

Miaka: <P>I tried your link and got a message that it didn't exist. Could you double check it?<P>As for your questions:<P>1. My son, who is 13 months old today, sleeps with us. MIL does not approve. He has slept with my mother.<P>2. I hope to have him on his own before then.<P>3. Not my cup of tea, but I understand it's quite common in ohter cultures.<P>4. No<P>5. Yes.<P>6. All the time? Probably not. Sometimes? Sure.<P>7. Not very. The American Society of Pediatricians (or whatver the real name for that body is) is officially against it, though there is a minority in favor of it. Those who have a family bed tend not to advertise. Those who are opposed tend to be very vocally opposed and seem to portray it as evil.<P>8. No. We have a family bed. I think that if there is any issue between the spouses it should not be done. I have heard that other cultures practice different sleeping arrangements.<P>9. & 10. The jury is out on these. I have read some articles that suggest that attachment parenting which extends to practicing a family bed tends to make children more self confident. I can tell you that my son is usually a very outgoing guy, going to anyone if mommy or daddy says it's okay. This past week he has been very clingy; however, I think that has more to do with him seeing his father and I argue than with sleeping with us.<P>Hope this helps! --HBC

Hi, cinderella:<P> <BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR><B>Most of the time, when he asks, I tell him to get his pillow and blankets and sleep on the floor. I need my sleep and I'll sleep better and be happier the next day if he will sleep on the floor.</B><HR></BLOCKQUOTE><P>I would love to do this, but Tama and his mother thinks something's wrong with me that I won't let my 2-year-old son sleep with me every night. <P> <BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR><B>When my children spend the night with their grandparents, which is seldom, they usually sleep with same sex grandparent. It's a matter of sleeping space. Not an emotional thing.</B><HR></BLOCKQUOTE><P>The problem I have with Tama's mother is that she doesn't care about who she sleeps with, just as long as it isn't her husband. She sleeps with Tama's younger brother (age 10) and when the grandchildren come over (minus mine), she sleeps with all of them (ages 1-girl, 4-boy, and 6-boy). That's the problem I'm having right now. I don't think it's right for her to be sleeping with all these children and making her husband sleep somewhere else. It's sickening to see all these children in the bed with her. <P>I thank you for your opinion, it's greatly appreciated.<P>

Hi HBC:<P> <BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR><B>I tried your link and got a message that it didn't exist. Could you double check it?</B><HR></BLOCKQUOTE><P>Well, I copied it straight from address bar, but I guess it doesn't work. Anyway, try this: Go to the Poems forum and look up <B>Raw Feelings</B>, it should still be there.<P> <BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR><B>3. Not my cup of tea, but I understand it's quite common in ohter cultures.</B><HR></BLOCKQUOTE><P>Tama's mother (she's mexican) doesn't think anything's wrong with sleeping with children from the day they're born until they're about teenagers (I'm not joking). And on top of that, she doesn't think it's anything wrong with sleeping with them <B>everyday</B>! It's sickening.<P>Thank you for your opinion, it's greatly appreciated.

Yuki, all I have to say is that my grandfather had a lot of kids (his kids, his grandkids) sleeping in his bed and he molested them all.<P>And my grandmother was (supposedly) blissfully unaware in the same bed, so that is not a sure deterent. Please be alert.

<BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR><B>Yuki, all I have to say is that my grandfather had a lot of kids (his kids, his grandkids) sleeping in his bed and he molested them all.<P>And my grandmother was (supposedly) blissfully unaware in the same bed, so that is not a sure deterent. Please be alert.</B><HR></BLOCKQUOTE><P>WorthItForEternity:<P>That's exactly what I'm afraid of. I tell her one thing, but she does what she wants behind my back. I've told her repeatdly that my son's not suppose to be in her bed asleep with or without her. She had the nerve to get an attitude with me. I know for a fact that my son is probably sleeping in their bed because he's always wanted to go downstairs where their room is. I will try my best to stay alert, even if I have to switch babysitters.<P>

1. How do you feel about children/grandchildren sleeping in their parents/grandparents bed when they're 1 year old? Ummm ... only if necessary, i.e., child has a nightmare, is ill, is feeling depressed, etc. <P>2. How do you feel about children/grandchildren sleeping in their parents/grandparents bed when they're 2 years old? Maybe occasionally if circumstances I listed under No. 1 exist.<P>3. How do you feel about children/grandchildren sleeping on their parents/grandparents bed when they're 10 years old? Absolutely no way - that is just too weird!<P>4. Do you think it's wrong of a child to sleep with parents/grandparents? I don't see it as "wrong" - I see it as the parent and child needing necessary distance in order to function as two separate units; that is to say, parents and children need a requisite distance in order to have a healthy bond with each other, and sleeping in the same bed is just too symbiotic.<P>5. Do you think it's normal of a child to sleep with parents/grandparents? I'm not sure what normal is, but I don't consider it normal at all.<P>6. Do you think it's ok for grandparents to want to sleep with their grandchildren (ages 1 to 6)? No.<P>7. How normal is sleeping with children/grandchildren in USA? I have no clue - I only have one very close friend who lets her child sleep with she and her husband, if that gives you any clue. And a few more "acquaintance" couples.<P>8. Do you think grandparents should be sleeping with children/grandchildren instead of their spouse? Nope. Spouse comes first.<P>9. Are children/grandchildren any different in behavior from sleeping with parents/grandparents? From my observation, more dependent, needy, whiny, cringing, afraid, less sociable, less confident, etc.<P>10. Are children/grandchildren more "clingy" because of sleeping with parents/grandparents? See no. 9. I believe that sleeping with parents or grandparents reinforces these negative personality traits.<P>Hope this helps!<P>belld <BR>

Saw this and had to jump in on it ...<P>1-5) As a child I often slept in bed between my grandparents until I was about 6 or so. I was fortunate in that I have only very pleasant memories of my granny doing her snore on my left and my pap pap snoring on my right. It was comforting and I'm glad I had the experience. But any older than that I think might have gotten too weird. <P>As for my son someday sleeping w/ his grandparents, I know my H's parents would probably not allow it (not a physically close family). My own mother probably would (if she were still speaking to me ). Either set I would trust implicitly not to do any harm to him.<P>As for this being normal, what is "normal" varies from family to family and should be based on what everyone invloved is comfortable with. <P>Is a compromise workable? Where one night a week can be designated as Grandma night but the rest he sleeps in his own bed? I'm of the mindset that as the child's mom, you know what is best for him, and if you feel uncomfortable with something that ther is a reason for it that needs to be given consideration. After all, it is you who is responsible for his well-being, and you who loves him the very most. <P>I don't think parents or grandparents should be sleeping with the kids to avoid sleeping w/ the spouse. I believe beingh married is in part about sharing a bed, even if it's just for sleeping. It's only Ok in my book if it's for medical reasons (like someone who needs a breathing machine at night or can no longer control their bowels/bladder) (Hey, we all get old!).<P>I'm not sure about the clingy aspect of the issue - neither me nor my little brothers were ever clingy, and so far my little one isn't either (thank god, knock wood.)<P>DO what you feel comfortable with, and good luck!<P> <P>

<B>belldany</B> and <B>Khyra</B>:<P>Hi and thank you for your opinions. I didn't want to feel like I was the only one that thought it was weird for a grandmother to be sleeping with ALL (minus mine's) her grandchildren and her husband sleeps in another room.

I practiced the family bed with each of my five children. They were all precociously independent and secure.<P>But, having read and responded to your post on Other Topics, you have a BAD MIL. Get your child out of her bed at once. Get him out of her home at all costs. Get yourself off her property as soon as you possibly can. Or you won't have a son who looks to you as his mother.

<BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by Karenna:<BR><B>I practiced the family bed with each of my five children. They were all precociously independent and secure.<P>But, having read and responded to your post on Other Topics, you have a BAD MIL. Get your child out of her bed at once. Get him out of her home at all costs. Get yourself off her property as soon as you possibly can. Or you won't have a son who looks to you as his mother.</B><HR></BLOCKQUOTE><P>I will.....I can't say much on here because I know Tama comes here to read what I write....darn....<P>

1. How do you feel about children/grandchildren sleeping in their parents/grandparents bed when they're 1 year old? <BR>Our kids would climb into our bed almost nightly at this age. I don't see an issue with this. <P>2. How do you feel about children/grandchildren sleeping in their parents/grandparents bed when they're 2 years old?<BR>Again, I don't see an issue here.<P><BR>3. How do you feel about children/grandchildren sleeping on their parents/grandparents bed when they're 10 years old?<BR>By 10 years old, they shouldn't be sleeping in a parent or grandparent bed. We do let our kids sleep on the floor in our room once a month if they want. We sometimes let them stay up late and watch movies together in our room. They'll get the sleeping bags out and we'll have a little slumber party. But, they aren't sleeping in our bed. <P>4. Do you think it's wrong of a child to sleep with parents/grandparents?<BR>No. Since Adam and Eve's day, kids have slept with their parents. If not in the same bed, thn in the same room. I think it has mostly been in the last 100 years or so that kids get put in a separate room almost at birth. All of our kids stayed in our room until they wer about 2-3. They wean themselves and they start enjoying the independence of their own room. <P>5. Do you think it's normal of a child to sleep with parents/grandparents?<BR>Yes - see explanation above. <P>6. Do you think it's ok for grandparents to want to sleep with their grandchildren (ages 1 to 6)? <BR>No. I think kids have a natural bond to be with their parents. I don't want my 6 year old in my parents bed. <P>7. How normal is sleeping with children/grandchildren in USA?<BR>Pretty normal in my house. Especially up to age 3 or so, I think it normal for a child to want to be near mom. Like I said, they have grown out on wanting to stay in our room. <P>8. Do you think grandparents should be sleeping with children/grandchildren instead of their spouse?<BR>Grandparents should be sleeping with their spouse. I don't sleep with my parents!!!<P>9. Are children/grandchildren any different in behavior from sleeping with parents/grandparents?<BR>My kids slept with us a lot. They're normal, well, that's a relative term . I think they are good kid and we have a good relationship with all of them.<P>10. Are children/grandchildren more "clingy" because of sleeping with parents/grandparents?<BR>My kids aren't clingy. They are loving towards me and my wife. I think my kids have a better relationship with us and their friends have with their parents. I can't attribute that to having them stay in our room when they were young, but I don't view them as clingy.<P>out of the ashes

out of the ashes:<P>Hello and thank you for your opinion. I do appreciate it. The only thing I really have a problem with is Tama's mother always wanted to sleep with her grandchildren and her youngest son. <P>Sweetpea:<P>Hello and thank you for your opinion. I also appreciate your opinion. <P> <BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR><B>And, Tama, if you're reading this, you need to be supporting your wife in her parenting and in your marriage. When you get married, you are supposed to LEAVE your mother and your father and CLEAVE to your wife! That doesn't mean you shouldn't still love and respect your parents, but you and your wife should be ONE....and you should put HER first!!</B><HR></BLOCKQUOTE><P>I'm sorry, Sweetpea, but all the people in the world couldn't move him from his mother. His friends and family (not me and Shaun) are what's important to him right now. I've tried everything to make him see that he can't act like this but it only drives him to do more of what he wants. <P>It's funny because now that I'm doing what I want (minding my own business and going where I want to go), he's getting nosy. If you want me to tell you exactly what I'm doing, I'm going to have to e-mail you because it's none of Tama's business.<P>To everybody:<P>I appreciate all your opinions and it seems that my suspicion is confirmed about her. Hopefully one of these days, I'll be posting from my new place!(hint hint)... <P>Until next time....