<BR>Hello Everybody!!<P>My Divorce Thread was the last chapter of my life-to-date novel that surpassed "War & Peace" in volume.....so, it's time to start on a new one!!! <P>Before that though, I want to ask you all how you are...I do miss everyone and still hope to get back to being here more often to lend an ear and try to give back some of what I have received.<P>I can do it for the next day or so anyway cuz I hurt my back...<BR>again!!! Yep....little handy-Miss here was taking down wallpaper and twisted herself right off the stepstool and right onto the couch for a few days!!!<P>Ok, so I am no Bob Villa!! How about Tim Taylor of Tooltime fame......sound more like it? LOL!!!!!!<P>Soooooo - to all my old friends - fill me in......what's going on?<BR>What have I missed?<P>For those who aren't familiar with my story... Divorce was final on 9/15 and H finally talked about his affairs of 4 years.....we went through this pretty well. He's a Whack-A-Doodle - meaning one minute cold and then well...at least lukewarm.<BR> <BR>Now to Chapter #1 -<P>It was a week or so after our "talk" that I had to go over some medical and auto insurance stuff with him so I paged him and we spoke back and forth about 4 times....then he decided to just come over instead of trying to do this on the phone. <P>He came by and we spent a few hours together. Very comfy, very natural.....no tension, fears, anxieties at all!!! <P>He made me laugh.....said something about just keeping the insurances together!!! (I wish!!) We spoke about income taxes and I have to see if we can file jointly for this year...<P>Does anyone know the rules for this? I have heard two versions of filing together after divorce - 1) You have to have been married at least 8 months of the year....and 2) You have to be married the last day of the year.<P>Anyway, that visit went very well. <P>Next time I spoke with him was the day before our Anniversary (9/30) - he shocked the heck out of me by calling me at work!! This may not seem like a big deal, but my H NEVER, ever called me at work!!! He chatted on about the insurance stuff, but he kept asking how I was, if I was OK, etc....<P>It didn't click in my brain until that night, but H always mistook the 29th for our anniversary and I thought that he called me because he thought that. Probably messed him up to think that I didn't say anything about it!!! So I paged him the next day (our real anniversary) and he didn't call me back ..... I thought uh-oh - was not mentioning anniversary a LB?!!! <P>He ended up calling later and it turns out he didn't get the page..(I believe this one) we both didn't know how to acknowledge the day. He said "how about Happy Ex-Anniversary Day" and I said no, that's yucky - don't like the sound of it. So he said.....Hmmmm? OK, let's just say "Happy Day"!!!!<P>So, we now refer to our anniversary as HAPPY DAY!!! His idea - at least it's a happy memory!!!!<P>I have to backtrack a bit for this next part....<P>I had been planning a trip down to see Lori and Robert (Hi guys!) and some loved ones were very leery about me going..the old "you have no idea who these people are...met on the internet, buried in the backyard" kind of fears going on. Well, H was no exception!!! He was very upset!!<P>Money and timing proved to put a kabosh on the plans anyway, so there was much relief. Especially from H. For the moment anyway.......<P>I received a paper from our old auto insurance that we had to sign to release our policy. Paged H and told him. He said to just sign his name....I said that I had never forged his name when married and I sure as shootin' wasn't going to start now!!! He hemmed and hawed about when he would be able to come over...so I knew that something was up that he was uncomfortable about telling me.<P>He had the next three days off - my little birdie instincts had been kicking in that he was going to be doing something....travel, perhaps. With him hesitating, I braced myself. Sure enough, he tells me that he may be going away for his days off..couldn't mention with psycho, but by his hesitation he knew I would know that anyway.<P>I didn't push..."where, etc."..I told him that I had travel plans for the end of the week....He said "Oh, for your Birthday (which was 10/11)?" I said no - perhaps the day after....(going to the next state sightseeing and meeting up with another MB friend.)<P>He said that he would call me the next morning and let me know when he could fit in the papers.<P>An hour later, I get a call and he is just about at my house!! I said, "Now? aren't you at work?" He said that he took comp time so he could sign and he wanted to get a policy and procedure book that he still has here....Another semi-big deal, he doesn't take comp time for just anything and it's not like this paper was an emergency!!!<P>His quick visit ended up being about 3-4 hours again!!! NICE, huh? He was very interested in where I was going and with who...<BR>Made a comment about how I am becoming awful chummy with people....(Hmmm?)<P>I asked about his trip...."So, where are you and your girl going?" (all nice and calm, no sarcasm at all!!) He couldn't look at me as he told me about going to the place that we used to frequent all the time....<P>STABBING SENSATIONS....GUT PUNCHES!!!!!!! <P>I sucked it up and proceeded in a jovial manner with "Gee Hon, can't you two find your own places to go?"...Oooops!!! He didn't take as a LB, He laughed!!<BR>It turns out that they weren't going to do anything like we used to anyway.....we used to go and camp - them: hotel.....we used to go for nature, fish, trails, fresh air... - them: Factory outlets!!!! <P>That made me feel better!!!!<P>Then he goes upstairs to look for his manuel..Playoff game is on and I don't move till commercial!!! NO, not even for him!!!! LOL!!!!!<P>I join him upstairs and the first thing I see is his sleeping bag pulled out and ready to be taken.<BR>MORE STABS!!!! Deep breath - I can handle this!!!! I see targets out for target shooting (one of "our things") and ask if he is going to go shooting..."no" is the response - "Yippee" is the reaction in my brain!!!<P>We have two sleeping bags that we always used to go camping with (besides his one that was pulled out) and he asked what I wanted to do about them...do I want them both? One? None?.....<P>I was taken back by that....he had said they were going to a motel.....why does he want the sleeping bags? Before I thought it out.....I blurted " I don't know....I don't want HER in OUR sleeping bags!!!!"......Good Lord, Sheba!!!<P>He got the sweetest look on his face and said, "Oh Honey, I am not asking because of this trip. I just saw them sitting there and I wondered what you felt about keeping them here....I wouldn't use our bags for this...."<P>I just said, "Thank You".<P>He kept searching and I went back downstairs and to my Playoffs (baseball - for all the non sports people!!) He comes down mumbling....I asked what was wrong...."I was talking to you and you weren't there!!!"<P>I kinda giggled.....and said "sorry".......He looked so pouty!!! It was cute - and different....not that "annoyed" look that he had most of the time in recent years!!!<P>I helped him carry his few things and as he was leaving, he said "Have a nice trip.....I was going to get you a card for your birthday...but....." And I said, what do you mean but? He said "well, maybe I still will."<BR>Too strange!!!!!!<P>He gets to the truck and tells me to be careful....I tell him not to go anywhere we did!!! But, I said it softly and he said "what?"....."Nothing" I replied with a smile!!!! Whew!!!!<P>Now, H was supposed to be gone for three days......He would have left on a Monday and been back on Thursday.....Wednesday was my birthday. Well, guess what? H calls me on my B-day and is on his way over!!!!<P>He just so happens to catch me all dressed up cuz I have a job interview. He immediately asks me who I am going out to dinner with...Huh? "Well, you look like you have something special planned..." Me - "no, job interview"....Him - "Oh, I thought that I would take you to eat", as he hands me a card!!! (Heart POUNDING!!! - first card in 4 years, folks!!!).<P>I asked him how his trip was....<BR>I loved his answer....<P>"A waste of 600 miles on my truck!!!!" Teehee!! Sorry, can't help it!!!!<P>Seems that he couldn't stay in the area that we used to frequent.....exact words "I told her - I can't stay around here, let's go upstate further". I didn't ask why not.....<P>He said that they only stayed one night.....It was dreary. The only good thing was that he found a great store with all the stuff he USED to enjoy in it....fishing, camping, sporting goods and apparel....with terrific prices. He didn't know how WE hadn't discovered it!!!<BR>More Teehees...(in my head of course!!!)<P>He rode around and recognized some areas that apparently we had traveled on our honeymoon!! He told me about them and asked if I recalled them.....we then went down memory lane!!!! Laughing and smiling!!!<P>Can I hear a big "YAY"...? LOL!!<P>The card he got me was cute....before I opened it, he says "It's not a mushy card.." (like it should have been?) It had a cop on the front (H is a cop) and it says "How old are you?" with the cop writing in his ticket book.....On the inside it has the cop handing a ticket out that says "So Young Looking It's A Crime" signed "Love H"....<P>He said he kept looking til he found one that was special!!! <BR>Awwwww!!!<P>I had to leave for my interview, he had said that he was coming over to get stuff....I told him to stick around and gather what he wanted while I was gone and that I shouldn't be too long. He said OK and that the only reason he wouldn't be there when I got back would be if he got paged for OT at work.....<P>The interview lasted two hours!! Talk about being itchy to get out of there!!!! Sheesh!!!!<P>When I got home - no truck.....SHOOT!!!!!!<P>But, there was a note that said, "Sorry Babe, got called for OT - Talk to you later....."<P>That was the last I heard from him....he thinks I am gone on the trip (which is postponed til this week). I also want to mention that everytime he comes here it is under the guise of getting some of his stuff......so far nothing taken except what he needed that day that I stated.<P>That's the latest....I really like this "freeness" that he seems to have since the Divorce.<BR>Anything is possible when you believe and hang on to what you want in your heart....BTW - everytime I see him...I get those wonderful LIP KISSES!!!!<P>What do you all think?<P>BIG HUGS,<P>Sheba<P> <P>

My gosh Sheba,<P>I never thought I'd feel envious of a poster who was already divorced...but WOW girl, you do know how to keep your head on straight.<P>You know what impressed me? When you were all dressed up and he assumed you had a date, and you told the truth. It would have been so easy for you to lie and let him assume you are seeing someone...and it would have made him crazy. Did you ever consider it? It's obvious that you do not play those kind of games.<P>I also loved that he said he wasted the 600 miles on his truck. That seems pretty huge. He did not have a good time, cuz you were not there with him, except in his memories.<P>Yours is certainly the most interesting, and uplifting post I've read in a long time. I really admire you and your attitude about staying true to what you want. Thank you for replying to my thread also. I am going to print it up...it makes a whole lot more sense to me than anything else. It's just hard sometimes to know what to do with all these negative hurting feelings.<P>I will follow your advice and really think about which way I felt better, Plan A or B. In Plan A I did feel really good, but I think it was because I was getting something back from H. Now, since he is dating, it's like he's declared World War III on me. Really pulling some nasty stuff on a daily basis. <P>But you're right...I do love the jerk, and can't pretend I don't.<P>Sheba...I don't know where you get your strength or your positive attitute, but I do wish you'd post more often, you never fail to pump me up...a lot.<P>Take care of that sore back, and have a wonderful vacation...and thanks for posting to me...it helped more than I can say.<P>allison

{Sheba},<P>WOW...<P>How can a person be in such a deep fog...<BR>...even after the divorce...<BR>wack... wack... wack-a-doodle...<P>Your post divorce road looks like what you were hoping for...<BR>...I am happy for you.<P>Be happy for me too..<BR>...mine is taking a completely different road.<P>...everyone has helped me get where I am.<P>Your friend...<P> <P>Jim

You know, I'm beginning to wonder if going through with the divorce isn't the best course of action in many of the situations here, and here's why:<P>The old is gone, and a new chapter begins; where nobody has cheated, nobody has LB'd, nobody has done wrong. It's a new relationship, and a new (vomit, now I'm using my name to make a point! LOL) beginning.<P>I'm happy for you, honestly, truly, and completely!!<P>Keep getting those kisses...

Sheba,<P>Congratulations!!<P>I'm contimplating the "D", but I don't think I'll ever find happiness with my H after. If you ever get over to the in recovery threads I have a 3 pager going on. Still the lies and I think I've finally recognized that I can't change that personality flaw in him.<P>God Bless you!<P>LK

Hey Sheba, just saying hi!

Wow, Sheba! From the sound of things the two of you were meant for each other. I'm willing to bet that you will be back together by this time next year!<P> <BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR><BR>Does anyone know the rules for this? I have heard two versions of filing together after divorce - 1) You have to have been married at least 8 months of the year....and 2) You have to be married the last day of the year.<BR><HR></BLOCKQUOTE><P>I thought as long as you were married for at least a day during the year you could file jointly. Or maybe it was the first of the year (so you wouldn't be able to if you married in April and divorced before the end of the year?).<BR>

Sheba,<P>I love your posts! Sounds like you have found a wonderful balance between being your own person and showing your x you care.<P>I'm getting there too. Funny thing is the more I don't hang on his every move/word, the more he values me!<P>My first session alone in counselling is today. I'm excited!<P>I also had something strange happen. Out of the blue yesterday, I got a call from my travel agent, I won a cruise! It leaves Oct. 29, my one year anniversary from d-day, and it was use it or lose it. I signed up with his blessing even though he is not sure he can go.<P>Quarter end is Oct. 31 and the entire sales force is usually closing deals until midnight on the 31st. But we talked about the two deals he needs to close. What is the magic with the 31st. If the 27th were the last day of the month, they would be up till midnight on the 27th. He agreed that it is up to him to close them in time to go!

I think you might be setting yourself up for more misery. Let go. <P>Why does he feel the desire to give you kisses after you're divorced? It seems to me that now he can mess around without guilt. <P>You deserve better than this man. <P>I would be interested to hear about his reactions if YOU were the one going out on dates. He would see that other men find you desireable and that you aren't pineing away for him. <P>Two things might happen:<BR>1) You might actually find a man that will treat you like you deserve.<BR>2) Your ex will see that he made the biggest mistake in his life by letting you go.<P>out of the ashes

Hey Schiz,<P>Take me instead, I need a vaca from H:P<P>Fury

hi sheba!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!