I'm a long timer here and haven't posted in a while. My question is a bit philosophical at this point, as I am getting divorced, but I'm interested in others viewpoints.<P>I've been separated more than two years. My husband had an affair with a subordinate that continues to this day. He refused marriage counseling and has never identified any issues with me or the marriage, aside from an initial flurry of "you're so controlling" statements during the intense anger he had at separation.<P>In viewing my husband during this time period, there's only one phrase that truly captures his behavior - "emotionally dead". He has never apologized for his affair and completely cutting me out of his life overnight. Not only is he remorse-free, he seems to also think he's done nothing wrong, either in the marriage or afterwards. I wrote him many letters, he never acknowledged them or responded. We had a newborn at the time he left. He has no relationship with her and still doesn't see her (shows no interest). We also have an eight year-old son. He brings the OW around but won't define the relationship to him. He never discussed with me bringing the OW to meet our son before doing it. My son comes home with the questions to me, since he says dad won't talk to him. He refuses to talk about the situation with anyone - me, our son, his parents, or any others I know of. In a public setting, he leads everyone to believe we're still together. In front of me, he's given out my address to others as his. He dropped all our common friends, hasn't spoken to any of my relatives, and even dropped his long-term friends from college and high school. On rare occasion, they still call the house asking for him.<P>In August I filed for divorce. He never told his family we're divorcing. I was uncomfortable with the deception and wound up telling his brother myself in mid-September. No one has told his parents, who are local and sees frequently. They still invite us to dinner together. He hasn't said a word to me about the divorce, hasn't even acknowledged that it's happening. I told our son about it by myself.<P>I haven't been mean or angry towards him since the first month of the separation. He sits down next to me and my friends at our son's sporting events, like I'm his friend. When he runs into old acquaintances he hasn't talked to in months/years, he acts as-if everything is normal.<P>I have all the money, custody of the kids, and am living in the house. His attorney has done literally NOTHING except respond since the divorce filing. There are no restraining orders, no financial holds, no settlement negotiations, no letters to my attorney. NOTHING. All the action is coming from me. My attorney has worked with his attorney before and told me this behavior is completely atypical.<P>Can anyone top the extremeness of this case? I'm about to put a settlement offer on the table and I'm wondering how he's going to respond to it (or perhaps not respond to it?).<P>Two plus years of this. The real question is - can this degree of suppression last forever? Has anyone else experienced a case like this and later seen a human being, with a full range of emotions, emerge?
