I have been posting in Plan A/B mostly, so here's a brief run down before my question. H had A, I found out about 4 months into it,(discovery was 1 year ago) the A is still continuing in mostly the form of daily phone calls with occaisional meetings or dates (unsure how often this really happens). H has been living on his own for about 6 months, we had our first counseling session with Jennifer last Thursday. Not sure what effect if any, it had with him. He says he loves me, not in love with me but swears he is not in love with OW, just has some kind of draw to her. He wants us to remain friends since we've been together for 13 years, and have a 3 year old son. I still love him very much and do want us to work on rebuilding, so here is my question.... How do I handle my own loneliness? I just want someone to care for ME, sit on the couch and play with my hair, hold my hand and show me affection. I know if I go out there and start dating I will be doing it for someone to fill the space/hole I have in my life. I get asked out about once a week and can always find a reason to say no. I am getting to a point though where I am weakening in that department. Ofcourse my friends and family say that it is time I get out there and try to forget him (he seems to have no problem doing that with me) move on and find a new life. Live as if he is never coming back, since that is what he has told me. Any advice will be great. I am trying so very hard with him and seem to get no where. I know the old saying of "lots of fish in the sea" I hear it too much. Is this the sign that I should move onto someone who wants to and will enjoy being with me? Or is this just "normal"? I am torn between what I know I want (and would welcome back) now and in the future and what I feel like I have to have for myself right now. It sounds so selfish I know, but I live each and everyday for my son and H, not for me. I go out and do lots of things to occupy my time but my need for affection is so great, especially when I am vunerable (now). Please help. Thank you.

I'm not sure if you are in PlanA or B. If you are in Plan A, then dating probably is not a good idea. More harm than good would come from that. Plan A does involve some sacrifice but is sure is worth it in the end. I did not have to do Plan B so I wouldn't know how to advise you on that. I know that it is very hard not having our need met but if you are tyring to restore your marriage dating others is a definte deal breaker. In this case, what's good for the goose is not good for the gander.<P>cleo

Thank you for your response Cleopatra. Well I am in sort of a Plan A. But no matter what I do this does not get me anywhere. He is meaner and more adamant that it is over for us. Plan B is rapidly approaching. Hard with a 3yr old, though. I am considering selling the house and leaving the area. I have so many thoughts and can't seem to sort out any, what I do know very well is the loneliness and lack of affection is getting totally unbareable. It has been almost 2 years of no affection and it is draining me. And he has told me the best thing for me would be to get out there and date. I wonder if this is really how he feels because I may be getting to that point. There is no one I am interested in , so that isn't even the issue. I guess I am at another crossroads. Thank you for your response.