I have been wondering how you are doing. Is there any progress or anything that we can do to help?<P>I know that our husbands have been communicating somewhat, but don't know if it has been helpful for the two of you. I really just want to know how you are holding up.<P>Peppermint

Peppermint <BR>I was just thinking of e-mailing you. I have to get the oldest out of bed and off to school.<BR>Yesterday was interesting. I'm not sure what to say at this point. <BR>I know that H is taking everything firestorm says seriously. He hasn't shared it with me. I haven't asked.<BR>I must tell you that the idea of him even sharing with firestorm is an immense step. <BR>After D-day 1 I printed up everything I could, took him to MB after D-day 2 or 3?<BR>He was not open minded. <P>If you can imagine this (yes I'm sure you can) when he first went to MB a year ago he saw our situation as a drop in the bucket compared to what he saw here. Of course that was part of the denial.<P>So Yes I think some good things are happening.<BR>He has written the no- contact letter. With the things he has told me I'm not sure if it's a good idea. There has been so little contact and it sounds like a really bad divorce between the two of them. <P>Knowing the bimbo...I'm wondering if the letter would be an invitation for her to cause trouble. She already is. I'm just being careful now. Thinking through every step.<P>There is much more to tell but I really need to get the kid going.<BR>Thank you!!!!

<B>Hello Peppermint & Wassi</B><P>I'm at work at the moment. Spent most of my lunch hour developing a name for while I am at work. There have been so many times I wanted to post and couldn't. So it's me, is indeed me.<P><B>Wassi</B> <P>I wanted to check and see how "your" day went yesterday? I hope and pray you had a good time? Message or e-mail me and let me know okay?<P><B>Peppermint</B><P>I wanted to say how warm it makes me inside that you and Firestorm are there for Wassi and her hubby. I have a good feeling about all of this. The Lord really does provide, does't he? <P>Okay, back to putting my nose to the grindstone. Take care you two wonderful ladies. You both are precious!<P>Hugs,<P><BR>------------------<BR><B>Pray and praise the Lord, let Him handle it. All things are possible with God. Even healing our marriages. <P>Samantha</B><p>[This message has been edited by it's me Samantha (edited October 23, 2000).]

Hi Wassi,<P>E-mail if you want, but I just wanted to comment about the letter.<P>The no-contact letter is more for you than for her, and more for your husband than for you. It shows a willingness to put it in writing, and implicates the intention of making the break permanent. It was a HUGE step for firestorm, and also meant a lot to me. Take the letter as a very positive step, and a tremendous gesture on his part.<P>Other women do not need excuses to cause trouble, and do not let that sleeping dog lie. A no-contact letter does not guarantee a permanent break (nothing does), but when a betrayer who previously resisted the idea of a no-contact letter decides to send one it is a HUGE step.<P>I'm glad your husband contacted firestorm if it helped in some way. Firstorm's comment was that maybe he could serve as some kind of "bad example", meaning don't mess up like he did. Sounds to me like your husband already did mess up pretty badly, but perhaps he is more sincere this time and will really change.<P>I'll be waiting and hoping for more good news.<P>Peppermint

Samantha<BR>I am okay....yesterday was ...different. I'm not sure how to explain quite yet.<BR>I did get the gift of honesty (and a king size feather duvet )<P>Peppermint<BR>I have wanted the no contact letter all along. He wrote it and gave it to me to do what I wanted with. I'm not sure there is any more purpose to it's existance. I think it is to late to send it to her.<P>Right now I have a bigger dilemma. The things that she had stored here have to be taken care of. I told my H several creative ideas I had. Then today I told him she has till the end of the month to get them out of here. He can call her in front of me. Or I will call her. I want it done with my knowledge. Preferably through me under my supervision if she has the guts. <P>H thinks it would be simpler to have a mutual friend get them the heck out of here. <P>Am I going overboard? I want her to come and get them if they are that important. I want to call the shots in this game from now on.<P>Ohhh ohhh...dragon lady is emerging.<P>Personally I think that if she has left these things here for 8 years without paying storage they are no longer her property and I can have them donated to charity.<P>Opinions? One of these things is a valuable antique.

Wassi,<BR>You mean the stuff hasn't yet gone the way of the shirt & the litterbox? I still laugh at that one. <P>She's got no rights. I believe a storage unit has the right to dispose of goods after 30 days of no payment.<P>I say sell it, use the proceeds for a night at a bed & breakfast for you & the H with his promise to play truth or dare alllllllll niiiiiight looonnnnnggg. <P>There. Whew. No dragon lady here I'm always so meek & mild. And I didn't use one post-deer hunting/OW consequence analogy.

Hi Wassi,<P>I must say that you are a lot more charitable than I would be. If I had access to the OW's property there wouldn't be enough left of it to make a toothpick for a barbie doll.<P>My suggestion is for you to notify her that the items will be left by the curb on a certain date and time. If she does not pick them up at that time, dispose of them as you wish (bonfires are nice this time of year).<P>I absolutely agree that it is high time for YOU to call the shots, including what you do with the no-contact letter. Though my opinion is still to give it to her. Maybe you can have it enlarged to poster size and nail it onto that furniture you mentioned. Okay, that's a little overboard for you since you're obviously more ladylike than me.<P>Wassi, I can tell you from my recent experiences that taking control will really help you in this situation. I refuse to sit around and feel helpless any longer. Firestorm's therapist told us last week that this is all about ME and doing what is right for ME right now. It's my turn, and I am going to use it as I see fit.<P>How are things with you and Mr. Wassi? Any progress? Please let me know what happens regarding the letter and the return of the OW's stuff.<P>I'll be thinking of you.<P>Peppermint<BR>

Wassi,<P>I think even Judge Judy would back you on this one. I can't imagine anything of value that she would still want after 8 years. If it were that valuable, wouldn't she have DEMANDED that it be returned before now. What are they, eight-track tapes, PAC-MAN?<P>Enlightened

<B>Oh Wassi</B><P>A king sized feather duvet...how nice, sweet and warm. A wonderful thing for the two of you to cuddle up in later, or perhaps now? Make sure you tell hubby I said good choice. Something for the marital bed...has tones of romantic.<P>I have to tell you that I agree with both <B>Lor</B> and <B>Peppermint</B>. They are both wise women and have been where you are. <P>I don't think you are being a dragon lady at all. I think you are being very real and honest. You do have more patience in this particular instance than I think I would have. I believe I would be having the bon fire with a video to send to her.<P>The stuff has been around far to long and I doubt that it is very important to her, other than a way she was able to keep some kind of contact. If it were important she would have gotten it earlier.<P><B>Peppermint</B> is right, it is time for you to call the shots. This is about making <B>Wassi</B> feel better and for her to heal. Keep that it mind. Be true to you.<P>Now to that gift of honesty. Yeah, yeah and another Yeah! It is about time, but let's not go there...doesn't matter now, what is important at the moment is now. So, we'll just say it is the right time. Double kudos to your hubby on moving toward the light.<P>The proceeds of sale of said items for a bed and breakfast would be so cool. I think that would be just desserts too.<P>I will be lurking and watching for future results and anxiously awaiting that e-mail.<P>Love to all of you! You are some mighty fine ladies, and I love all of your minds. <P>Hugs,<P><BR>------------------<BR><B>God bless you and all of us. We are all going to make it, all of us! With God on our side we can't lose! What God has joined together let no man put asunder. <P>Samantha</B><p>[This message has been edited by A blessed Samantha (edited October 23, 2000).]

Good morning ladies.<P>Lor<BR>I was thinking of the shirt and the litter box yesterday. I'm sure you know that there are things I wanted to do with this stuff. I plan to see if I can find out the legal rights today.<P>Peppermint<BR>I am not ladylike at all. I have done some pretty nasty things through this mess. They haven't worked. I'm thinking it is time to be slow and deliberate. I really would like to see how badly she wants it when it is through me. H seems to want to take the easy way out...the friend. Imagine that from a conflict avoider. <BR>I'm still very tentative about what to say about him. Too early.<P>Enlightened<BR>This is an antique filing cabinet. I agree...if she wanted them they wouldn't be here. She now wants the things because she knows H always wanted the filing cabinet. Kind of like watching an ugly divorce.<P>Samantha<BR>What I really want is the bonfire ..... put the aashes in a box and mail them to her with a note..."sorry, the shed burned down...this is what's left...Love, C's wife. "<BR>I told H that. He laughed.

Wasstubborn, I checked in here today and just wanted to tell you sorry you have to go through this stuff again. You did tell me he was leaving the door open and you were on guard, but being on guard does not make it hurt any less I fully know. Somehow I see good coming from this for you.<P>We are 3 months into trying to start new once again and I am so on guard it makes it difficult. Especially when I know that my H like your H has told me lies to not hurt me. He has promised truth from now and so far so good. I'm just taking each day as it comes and not letting myself get to enthused about anything. Trying to keep this weird balance, but it seems to be working for me.<P>Just wanted to you know I am thinking of you!<P>------------------<BR>Lilly

Hi Wassi,<P>I just sent your H a note. I hope you guys are doing better today. I do have to agree with your H here on having a friend get that stuff out. I feel the less contact you have with the OW the better off you and Mr "W" are. On the other hand, if it has been there that long, it would make a good donation. HOWEVER, it does get cold up there sooooo you never know what use you can find for it. <P>I wish you guys the best.......fs<p>[This message has been edited by firestorm (edited October 24, 2000).]

Lilly <BR>It is so nice to see your name. Thank you for your thoughts. I know what you mean about being on guard. I really hope that things keep going well with you and your H. don't be a stranger. We all like to know how you are.<P>firestorm<BR>My H has been working very late the last couple of days so I'm not sure he has got to the computer at all.<BR>I do understand the idea of as little contact as possible with the bimbo.<BR>My reasoning behind calling her on it myself is very simple.<BR>For years I have done them the huge favor of allowing her to ignore my existance. My gut feeling on this one is that if she wants to play this game any more she will have to face the fact that I am here. If she really wants her stuff as badly as she says she does (and we all know she doesn't) she will have to do it through me. I am sick and tired of the sneaking and hiding. It's about time someone was straight forward and honest. That is all I would be doing by calling her and giving her the options.<BR>I am reality. Perhaps time she got a taste?<P>I will never forget what I read on the OW board once. There was a thread discussing how much the OW prefered to have the wife remain faceless and nameless. They went into great detail about how much easier it makes things for them. Sorry. I am not into making this easier for her any more.<P>I'm not sounding any less stubborn am I? <BR>If I don't do something about this myself....that crap will still be here in 8 more years.

OK, I understand where you are coming from. I just want you to be sure this won't damage you emotionally more than it will help you.<P>After you are sure you are not legally bound, I'd seriously think about cremation. Package it up with a picture of you and a personal note that you have a name and a face and the game has ended. <P>If you really want to give her a chance to physically get her garbage, then just be sure it is good for you.<P>Been thinking about you a whole bunch!

FHL<BR>I've been thinking of you too. <BR>Thank you for always being there.<P>You know this isn't about the darn stuff.<BR>It's about taking control of my life. "My" life. I really have no thoughts or cares about the two of them right now. They are welcome to each other.<P>I think my message here is that no matter what I do it will be my choice....it is no longer about them....... no more waiting for H to take action. <P>This should have been taken care of long ago. I am not stupid enough to believe that this is what the calls were really about. I hope I didn't give that impression. I'm just not going to let them use it as an excuse any more.<P>

First let me say I like what I am hearing from you.<P>Second, what do YOU think the calls were really about?

FHL<BR>Thank you.<BR>The calls were simply an excuse for contact. I'm sure my H has convinced himself that they were about these "things".<BR>Why would they be important now?<BR>He has had her in his life in one way or another for too many years. She is a habit.<P>Maybe it is even a little about control.<BR>"I'm not going to let my wife say who I can or can't talk to." He wrote the no-contact letter but before he did he made a few comments that let me know that he didn't believe in it and that it meant nothing.<P>My friend ......the sad part is that I don't care. If he needs her in his life then so be it. I will never believe that she is out of his life after this last bomb. I will only know that he is more careful. From now on he will use a pay phone.<P>Their relationship is unique. Neither of them wants the other full time. Each of them uses the other as a "thing on the side". She makes him feel like the knight in shining armor. He gives her what she wants when she cries "I need I need". Most of her men do that for her. She would never commit to one man because she would have to give up the others. I've known all this from the beginning. <P>I just don't want her in my life any more. He keeps her here. <BR>I think it's time for me to quit posting.<BR>I have not survived the affair. <BR>I am not interested in working on this "marriage".<BR>I am not doing anyone any good by spouting my bitterness here.<P>Thank you all for being there.<BR>firestorm, peppermint<BR>I really do appreciate everything you have done. I don't believe that there is any fixing this. I don't see anything that my H does as sincere. I don't believe that he will ever get it.<BR><p>[This message has been edited by wasstubborn (edited October 25, 2000).]

Wassi,<P>"I think it's time for me to quit posting.<BR>I have not survived the affair. <BR>I am not interested in working on this "marriage".<BR>I am not doing anyone any good by spouting my bitterness here."<P>I have felt each of these.<P>It is, of course, your choice, but know that you do help me and I'm sure many others as well. I also think that, like I, being further down this infamous "recovery" road, there are some unique (perhaps not so unique) challenges that we face. I hope that our stories benefit others in some way. But whether they do or not, it helps to vent here and I always find an encouraging word or support.<P>God Bless You on Your Journey,<BR>Enlightened<P> <P>

Dear Wassi,<P>I'm so very sorry. I really hoped that your husband's motives for writing the no-contact letter were sincerely to end the relationship and to offer you some comfort. Obviously his reasons were something different.<P>I must agree that returning her stuff was just an excuse for the contact. I can see that you feel like giving up, and only you will know if the time is right for that.<P>But if it is time for you to end this marriage, do it on your own terms and for your own reasons. Don't do it as a reaction to some stupid thing your husband or the other woman did. Do it because you have done your best and you KNOW that you deserve better and are doing the right thing for yourself.<P>And please, please, please don't stop posting here. We have come to care about one another on this site, all of us who have so much in common. Whether you survive this and stay in your marriage or not, we want you here so that we can all continue to get to know each other and share these experiences. Heck, we might all end up divorced before this is over, but at least we could form a support system for each other.<P>You are a wise and experienced woman. Right now you need us, just as we have needed you. Please don't leave as (this might be selfish) I will continue to worry about you anyway. Even if this marriage ends, someday you will surely have a new one that will need to be MB'd to perfection!!<P>You have been so good and kind to so many of us on this site. Please give us the chance to do the same for you.<P>Peppermint

Enlightened, peppermint<BR>Thank you for your kindness.<BR>I am just disillusioned now.<BR>I remember what it was like coming to this forum a very long time ago. The last thing I needed to see was someone in the situation I am in now.<P>I really don't believe it is good for anyone to read this stuff. Time for a break at least.<p>[This message has been edited by wasstubborn (edited October 25, 2000).]