Background:<BR>We've been together for 4 years, married for 2 years.<P>Two months ago my wife had an affair with a person from work. <P>It was a one-night fling and she knows it was a mistake. Shortly after the affair, she told me she had feelings for him but that nothing happened. <P>Well I found out on Monday that they did have sex. She told me at first that she didn't tell me because she felt she was protecting me. But from talking the past few days, we realize there were other reasons as well.<P>I'm almost completely forgiven her for the affair, the dishonesty part is going to take a little longer. <P>The problem in our relationship at that time was that neither of us were meeting our emotional needs and we were withdrawing from each other. So we were both at fault. And are working on the problems.<P>We are both have uncertainty in our marriage. We hope we will be together for many years to come but now we can't be sure. <P>We were trying to have children before this <BR>happened and now, since there is the uncertainty, we don't want to bring children into this world if we are only going to separate years from now.<P>My wife is saying that she should leave me so I can have a clean slate and a better wife.<P>How can we get over this uncertainty, fear, in our relationship? We can't be the first couple to deal with this.<P>Thanks in advance

I think you need to find a good, Christian marriage counselor. You have some issues to work through. This can be overcome, but it won't be easy.<P>She needs to have no more contact with this other guy at all. In fact, I think you both ought implement this rule: My wife and I don't spend time alone with people of the opposite sex unless they are old enough to be a grandparent or are blood relatives. That means that I don't have lunch alone with another woman. I don't ride in a car alone with another woman. I don't even spend time alone with her mom, and she doesn't spend time alone with my dad or brother. We both follow the same rules. It is a temptation issue. I can't commit adultery with a woman if I never spend time alone with her. <P>I hope everything works out for you.<P>------------------<BR>Jim Lewis<BR><A HREF="http://marriedadults.net/forum" TARGET=_blank>The Forums at Married Adults.com</A>

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