I have recently found out my husband of 6 years has been having conversations etc. with another woman on the computer. He has also called her on the phone 1 time that I know of. We have 5 children all together and I am totally devestated. I confronted him about the whole thing which he denied campletly. I am unable to separate due to the financial part. Has anyone gone through this. What did you do. Please help.

momrat<P>Take this very serious!!!<P>Stop this now, my wifes innocent chatting lead to a 2 year affair!<P>Figure out what is missing in your marriage, find out what needs arn't being met.<P>With 5 children, does your husband feel like he is on the bottom of the priority list?<P>Let him know with no doubt that this is wrong, and it needs to stop. you need to give him a wake-up call. tell him that you considered seperating from him, that is how hurt you are, tell him how you feel. <P>he is very defensive, because he sees no harm in what he is doing, after all they are just talking.....let him know that he is hurting you, that you are very concerned about where this might lead, and that maybe he hasn't crossed the line yet, but, does he have a line? and is is moving? pretty soon the line has moved so far that its too late.<P>I hope that you can get through to him at this early stage.<P>if you want to save your marriage, then read up on plan A, and start as soon as possible.<P>Best of luck, be strong, I know that you are going through something terrible, but you are not alone.<P>Mike<BR>

The affair I had started innocently also, first just talking on line, then phone calls, eventually meeting in person. Find out what needs of his aren't being met, and let him know what needs of yours that aren't being met. My second advice is to get to a counselor soon! Hope all works out for you.

First off, I'm very sorry to hear about your situation, I went thru something similar last year. I was also devastated by the revelation. <P>In answer to your question - once I found out for a fact that he had been talking to women I insisted that we sit down and talk about it. I told him how hurt I was and tried to explain how I felt. At first he was very defiant saying that he did nothing wrong and was very cold towards me. It took about three days for him to really see what he did and what it meant to our marriage. It was a that time that he broke down and cried and asked me to forgive him. He agreed to go to counseling and to stay off the internet for 6 months. It has been 18 months now and he still won't go on the computer. As far as I can tell - he has not had any contact with any of those women. <P>My husband is a changed man now. He is warm and loving and tells me that he loves me all the time. He is thoughtful and considerate and helps me with the house and the kids. He is everything that I always knew he could be as a husband and a father. <BR> <BR>I wish I could say that life has been wonderful ever since my discovery - but my confidence in him has been shattered. I wish I could say that I was able to forgive and forget. The forgive part was easy - it's the forgetting part that I struggle with. It's always in my head. I pray to God all the time to help me to trust him again. I know I am the one with the problem now and I hope someday that my prayers get answered. <P>If you still want your marriage then you need to talk to him. Try to get him to understand your point of view. Anyway, I wish you all the best. Take care.

This is very serious indeed - my H's online "friendship" led to falling in love and a PA where they met twice. His needs weren't being met at home, and he got everything he needed online - at first - to the point where he just excluded me.<BR>The internet and chat rooms are very very addictive !

MomRat,<P>I went thru a very similar situation - was suspicious of H's online activities for several months and finally confirmed (with recording software) that he was deeply involved in an emotional affair (EA) online. That was 12/26/99, and I can tell you that it took many months for him to end all contact with her.<P>What I did was to Plan A (read about it on this site if you haven't already) and avoid love-busting as much as possible. It was very UP and DOWN for the first 2 or 3 months - he wanted to leave having been unhappy in our relationship for a long time, but he stayed, and very slowly and gradually the Plan A worked.<P>I know you are in a place of serious heartache right now, and this will not be easy to do, but I strongly encourage you to follow Plan A - read everything on this website and keep posting and lurking as you go along. Many people here have been through what you are going through and can help you through the rough spots!<P>periwinkle<P>P.S. I feel like I should say a little bit about how far H and I have come since D-day, to give you some hope. He didn't feel much like working on our marriage at first, so I did most of the "work," but after doing my best to meet his emotional needs for several months, he has started to reciprocate - he is much more thoughtful and considerate - he seems to want to be with me more than with anyone else - we enjoy each other's company so much more - spend much more time together, and so on. Hope this helps. Hang in there.

MomRat-<P>Here is a thread on another forum you might be interested in.<BR> <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/forum/Forum29/HTML/000340.html" TARGET=_blank>http://www.marriagebuilders.com/forum/Forum29/HTML/000340.html</A>

I could go on for a long time about this topic.<BR>But im in a hurry to leave so Ill elaborate more later but in a short answer.<P>YES, Definately!