Resilient<p>[This message has been edited by Resilient (edited November 26, 2000).]

SOrry<p>[This message has been edited by Bernzini (edited November 03, 2000).]

Totally friggin unbelievable Berni!<P>What are you going to do now?????????????<P><BR>Jo<p>[This message has been edited by Resilient (edited November 02, 2000).]

Who knows. I can't give my cat up--other than that, I have been a pawn in the game of life for so long--I am thinking "whatever." at this point. I am pretty numb and just coasting--contented, but just coasting.

Bernzini, What are you going to do???<P>Me, I posted kinda update a week ago. Nothing much happened, except.. I really really finished it this time.. Thre's no word "plan A" in my dictionary(HAHAHAHAHA)!<P>Ok, H was supposed to contact me when he was coming back from "tour"(you can also call it "OW"). And he never did, and he just dropped off his checks which he owed me and took his bike from outside. That really stirred up my emotion big time..<P>And last weekend I went to BIL's for a party and that didn't help me either. Now I feel pretty low and add my anger more and more everyday.<P>So I e-mailed him with very harsh words, asked him why he didn't contact me when he was supposed to and he replied and said "I thought you didn't want me to". COME ON!!!<BR>Now he's still in this blaming game and I'm tired of it. If he can't be with me(AND even if he wants to I don't think I can handle it because he hasn't gotten any help and he's the same [censored]!). He also wrote he was trying so hard to call me but when he sees me his inside is breaking up... BLAH BLAH BLAH. Ok, maybe 4 months ago I believed these words and got hopeful.. but not anymore. This made me more angry, so I e-mailed more harsh letters and reminded him that this was HIS choice, and he wanted to do it. I told him he's saying exactly the same thing from 6 months ago. Also wrote if he has emotionaly hard time contacting me then as soon as he finish this he doesn't even have to contact me! And at the end I added that: "This(doing the paperwork for D) is your responsibility, and nobody's gonna do it for you".<P>Well I guess this is the last nail in the coffin. There's no chance of him being with me in the future. <P>I don't know if you remember, I have a male friend who cheated on his girlfriend of 7 yrs. And after 2 yrs being in a fog finally he came out of it and he's so sorry and he wants to be with his former girlfriend but she's mad and I don't know what's going to happen. I truly hope they will be able to work things out because I know they love each other. Anyway this guy helped me alot, he is originally my H's friend but we talked about what happened and I told him what he did and he wrote me(e-mail) that I really needed to lose my anger. So I'm working on it. <P>My H wrote that he was working on the divorce paper, if it's really true(I don't have ANY trust in him anymore) then we are going to divorce very soon. Now I'm thinking about asking him to pay something like $100 /month for seeing a therapist.<P>Meg<p>[This message has been edited by MF (edited November 02, 2000).]

Gosh MF ... I'm so sorry you have all this anger still in you ... you don't deserve to feel this ANGER ... it's not yours and holding on to it is making you more unhappy. I know that time will wear it down eventually but in the meantime I'll going to pray that God will help lif it from your soul. It's not right, just not right ... that they (the WS) can inflict this hurt then continue to want us there as their moral support, only to inflict more pain.<P>Your H doesn't sound like he's wanting the D, I know from your past posts that you do, or think you do. Why don't you two try doing "nothing" for a term and let some of the anger dissipate. Maybe then you'll have enough emotional distance to make a calm decision.<P>I'm really sorry he didn't contact you after his road trip, he knows you were expecting the call, he just was too selfish and maybe a bit afraid and guilty to make it.<P>You're right, he needs to do all the D paper work and go thru the painful effort of filing. This is HIS DEAL ... not yours. You have enough pain already to deal with.<P>Make him pay for your therapist, Honey ... he's the cause and should at least have to pay something monetary if nothing else to remind him of his trangressions.<P>I'm sorry, MF. God Bless and please be well.<P>Jo

Hi All:<P>Bernzini...I am blown away by your H. He really is "unbe..lie...a..ble". I understand your reluctance to go back though. <P>Coasting is a good way to describe how I feel too. Too much has happened to go back, but still I cling to the memories of a lifetime and don't want to let go...so I wait and try to get on with my life. Not really waiting for H...just coasting and waiting for life to happen to me again.<P>The anger is gone...and all the resentment...all that remains is a spark of life that wants to survive...and I can't let him put that out again. So I will fan it with possibilities of a new life and new people. And you know what...after all this time...it feels good to be alive again.<P>Jo...there's your update...such as it is.<BR>I'm keeping busy...got some web design projects to do for some local firms...learning new Photoshop program...excited about it all...but it limits the time I have for MB. <P>No real change in H...obviously he's just waiting for OW to return...it's a shame, because he's really so normal right now...like the man I use to know...but I know that he will disappear the moment she returns. Not my problem, huh.<P>Did you read the material about divorce in Washington I posted on your last topic? <BR>You're sounding better. Have you heard anything else from "Mr. Spineless?" The nerve of him asking you to delay things so he won't have to cross OW. What a witch she must be...no one's is that good in bed.<BR>I think I'm just generally PO'd tonight...at Steve...at Rick's wife...at Bernzini's H....everyone's on my last nerve. Think I better go do some work...it takes me a while to get mad, but watch out when I do...don't have red hair and Irish blood for nothing. <P>Later.<P>Angels and Prayers ~ Faye<BR>

Thanks Jo.<P>I'm alright.. and I really need to get divorce either I want or not. Because I can't stay in this place anymore.. Doing nothing hurts me more.. Nothing is happenning makes me depressed. At least if we divorce legally I don't have any rights to say his doings. Even if things he doesn hurt me I can think like: "yeah, but he's not my H anymore and he's allowed to do whatever he wants to.".. <P>I guess I don't have much patience compare to many people here. But I can't stay in this marriage and that stoppes me from seeing someone.. That's not fair. If I'm not married and I still don't have anyone that's fine, because that's my choice and I know I'm free to do so.<P>right now he's doing whatever he wants to and I can't and that makes me really angry.<P>Then he gives me this kind of crap telling me he still loves me(well he didn't say but he used to do that), and it't like, he's allowed to see as many women as he wants to and I'm not.<P>Bringing OW in July really made me lose my trust in him. And he's not working on anything towards me(except for words.. not actions) I'm just losing whatever feeling I have for H and the end is near.<P>Jo, thanks again for the prayer. I'm fine, and as long as I don't think about H I'm fine..<P>Take care of yourself.. you had rough days..<P>Meg

Gawd ... I love you Faye! I'm laughing my butt off!<P>Yeah, Steve's Mr. Spineless and I agree, NO ONE is that good in bed.<P>I really appreciate the WA D info your sent, THANK YOU! I guess it looks like I've got 5 more months without an attorney and maybe a couple more with ... did I translate it right?<P>I haven't retained an attorney yet. Probably next week tho, if I do get one.<P>You go Faye! Sounds like you're taking are of yourself and doing things for you ... good, real good. You deserve it and you never know what may happen ... things could start moving in your direction and in your favor, just ignore your H and do what makes YOU happy. Life is too damn short ... and we've waisted too much time as it is, both you and I have .... 20+ years of this bullsh$t ... altho we love them ... we love us too and we ned to start acting like it.<P>Love you Faye ... miss you on-line posting as much as you use to but I understand about the cool stuff you;re learning and doing ... it's also very therapeutic(sp) for you.<P>Best and My Blessings to you!<P>Jo<BR>

Update....<BR>7 weeks of absolutly no contact on the part of my H. I have sent an anniversary card and one letter, may try to write another this weekend.<P>I hear he is still alive.<BR>Lora

Back to the TOP!

Hi Jo,<BR>Hope you don't mind me wading in. My H isn't wayward in the typical sense. He pursues his artistic endeavors to the exclusion of everything else, and I feel alone and abandoned. <P>My marriage is so dysfunctional that I've been too timid to even post my own threads. I finally spilled my guts on a thread in emotional needs entitled breaking the silence. I got several wonderful responses. Then I went to check on two more responses. Guess what? The thread is empty! Zero bytes! <P>A big problem in my marriage is communication. I feel obliged to hold things inside and pretend everything's fine in order for us to get along. When I finally take a step forward to break the silence, my thread gets silenced. Leave it to me to stumble on whatever flaw exists in a computer related application. <P>We're on the brink of bankruptcy and who knows what else. I've tried quiet reflection for the last two weeks, trying to see the right way out of my difficulties. I'm having trouble taking steps to effect the changes in myself that I know I must take. I feel like the kid in your other post who was stuck in the bog. I can't get out of this by myself. I'd like to depend on my H for help, but he berates me with angry outbursts and disrespectful judgements each time I try to talk about anything of substance. I'm trying to let go of my need to "be right". I'm trying to have a positive attitude, and it eludes me. I must be having a mid life crisis. I'm questioning everything I've done and the path I'm on. I'm trying to figure out what I'm going to be when I grow up. I'm just a mess!

I'll have a go too. Cross my fingers. Things seem to be mellowing out at home. Going into fifth month of recovery. We are currently working the HN/HN workbook. Also will be at the MB seminar in November. It's nice not to have any drama in my life even if it is just for a week or so at a time.<P>cleo

Hi everyone,<BR>My computer has been in the shop,I missed reading MB.<BR>I had mediation on Nov.24th.Custody issues were resolved.We have shared custody with me being the primary parent,H being the secondary.A shedule was set up for visitation.<BR>An agreement was made to the value of the household furnishings.H will continue mortgage and credit card debt.<BR>Thats about all that was accomplished.<P>Our family has had the first glimpse of OW.H took her to my sons school play in which my son had a major role.My son has told H he doesnt want to meet her,and H brought her without telling son first.Son was angry.Son had negative comments about her physical appearance.<P>Youger son having problems.Has been lighting <BR>fires.He just told me his grades,4 F's,one c,one B.He is seeing a psychologist for depression.<P>Emotionally I feel like He!!.I do alot of praying.I am not alot of fun to be with,can only focus on myself and my problems right now.Waiting for this awful time in my life to end,but it never goes away,next day I wake up,I have to deal with same old problems and feelings.Sorry for such a down post ,but that is where I am.<P> Love and prayers,<BR> Beth

My family has been very, very blessed.<P>We (the four of us) are strong, happy, and united!<P>Thirteen months post d-day, my H and I continue to *rediscover* each other. It is truly amazing! Love is in the air .<P>Peace, ~Marie<P>------------------<BR>"If you cry because the sun has gone out of your life, your tears will prevent you from seeing the stars." ~unknown

Hi,<P>I don't get on this board too much - I'm mostly on the In Recovery board, but I think that's just wishful thinking.<P>My H told me over the week-end that he hasn't put any effort into our short marriage (1/28/00) and doesn't know if he wants to, primarily because of my boys.<P>My H has finally gotten back in to see our counselor, but one on one. He stopped going a while ago and I kept up with one on one.<P>He was a little too physical with his 2 boys last week so they left and said they weren't coming back and their mom was going to sue him. He didn't have much contact but slowly they are calling him. This is what sent him back to counseling - not the fact that I told him I want a divorce.<P>I told him when he's ready to talk about saving our marriage I'll be ready to listen.<P>Until that time I'm working my Al-Anon program and trying to get to a Co-Da meeting. I'm focusing on healing myself and rebuilding friendships with my girlfriends.<P>I'm also going to focus on my own 2 boys and mending our relationship. They come to my house Thursday - Sunday and they hate coming because of my H. He's very intense and gets upset easy. He told me he hates our house, too, because of my 2 boys (primarily).<P>That alone should send me packing, right?<P>Good luck to you all and God Bless!<P>Karen<P>------------------<BR>~~ I will not play at tug o'war, I'd rather play at hug o'war, Where everyone hugs instead of tugs, Where everyone giggles and rolls on the rug, Where everyone kisses and everyone grins and everyone cuddles and everyone wins! ~~

Mmmm...what's new? As far as I know, W hasn't contacted OM, as she said. She's been sick since her vacation, so we haven't done much together. Planning a "date" for this weekend, though.<P>Funny story...she became ill the last 2 days of her vacation. Set up a doctor's appt for when she got back in. Had to get a ride with a co-worker because her car was still in the shop. Well, her plane was delayed an hour, her ride fell through, and all she could get was someone to drop her off at the doctor. She still needed someone to take her to the rental car place, which was about a mile away. She would've walked, but it was pouring down rain. <P>So I agreed to come get her. It only takes me 30 minutes to get to the doc's office, and it was about 4pm. I had to be on the other side of town by 7pm, so I figured "piece of cake!"<P>When it rains in Phoenix, though, traffic virtually comes to a halt. It took almost 2 hours to get to the doc's office! It was 5:45, and with traffic the way it was, I would never make it to my job at 7pm. I was freaking out. Well, so was she, and she called the rental place to see if they could pick her up. So I arrived about a minute after he did! All that time wasted, all that stress wasted, and guess what? They had moved the rental car offices. They were in a strip mall RIGHT BEHIND THE DOCTOR'S OFFICE! Arrrgghhhh!

Back to the TOP!<P>Everyone, how are you and things?????<P>Please post it here.<P>Jo

Hi again(recently I post alot!)<P>Jo, first thanks for the kind words you posted on my thread.. <BR>I feel much much better not because I was venting alot here, but because of finding out how beautiful people you all are .<P>Ok, a short update..<BR>My H just e-mailed me and asked if he could call me tomorrow. So I wrote back and said he could and I wanted him to let me know wht time so I wouldn't be on line around that time.<P>Well, I don't feel much anger right now so I don't think I will LB. I will try to be nice.<P>Will let you know what he says..<P>Take care!<P>Meg<p>[This message has been edited by MF (edited November 03, 2000).]

<BR> Hi Jo(may I call you Jo?),<P> I bought my precious wife a caribean cruise, since we never really had a honeymoon and she's never been on a cruise. I hope this will be a special time for both of us, a chance to forget about the rest of the world, and remember why we got married in the first place.<BR> Hope it works.<P> God bless you,<P><BR><P>------------------<BR><P>Lynton