My Dearest H,<P>This is one of the most difficult letters I've ever had to write, but I feel very strongly that it is necessary that I do so.<P>Let me preface this by saying this: I love you, and always will love you. But I cannot be your friend unless it is in the context of being your wife. It is because I want to protect my love for you that I wrote this letter.<P>You have chosen a path that I cannot walk with you. As long as you are on that path, I have to ask you not to call me or see me. If you need to reach me, you can do so through the mail or by contacting _____. And if I need to reach you, I will do the same. You are welcome to drop off the magazines if you'd like, but please do not feel obligated to do so.<P>Harsh as it may seem, it is what I need from you. Someday, I hope to spend the rest of my life with someone that wants to make me as happy as I want to make him. If you find that you want to be that someone again, then you are welcome to call me or come to see me.<P>I will always love you.<P>Your loving wife,<P>Terri<BR>

Terri,<P>This one is short and mainly sweet---but I'd bring up a couple of minor points.<P>Remember, Plan B letters basically state:<P>1. Love for your spouse<BR>2. Acknowledge responsibility for poor state of marriage up to affair, and illustrate efforts to remedy these issues.<BR>3. State "no contact" rules (and reason---to prevent any more love being lost).<BR>4. Reiterate belief in the marriage, and willingness to work it out if he meets the "condition" (completely ending affair).<BR>5. Restate love for spouse.<P>The main issue I have with this letter is the "hint" that you're moving on without him. I'm not sure that it's the best thing to do. I personally wouldn't state that you will "always love him" either. I would state your love in the present tense---because you may eventually divorce him, and that certainly doesn't say "love".<P>Other than those issues (and I'd work a paragraph in there acknowledging responsibility for the state of the marriage and your efforts to work on it---unless you're afraid of legal repercussions), it's good.<P>

K,<P>I am also considering the other letter when I write this. I don't want to repeat the same things over and over, either...<P>The other letter is located here: <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/forum/Forum37/HTML/005430.html" TARGET=_blank>http://www.marriagebuilders.com/forum/Forum37/HTML/005430.html</A> <BR>and while I didn't necessarily copy it word for word, the handwritten letter I handed to him on September 24, which was the last time we talked prior to this, was nearly identical to the copy that is posted there.<P>And everything I have ever written to him with regard to our relationship has acknowledged my responsibility for the condition of our relationship.<P>As for always loving him - even if there is a divorce, I WILL always love him. I personally don't believe that the love you feel ever truly goes away - I believe it is the "addictive" part of the relationship that you "cure" with Plan B - that overwhelming "need" that one has to be with that other person. I think that Plan B prevents you from being hurt and learning to hate the one you love. It protects love and provides you with a relapse-free zone for withdrawal from your addiction to your spouse...<P>I'd love more input on this.<P>Thanks!<P>------------------<BR>terri<BR><B>Courage</B><P>Whatever course you decide upon,<BR>there is always someone to tell you<BR>that you are wrong.<P>There are always difficulties arising<BR>which tempt you to believe that your <BR>critics are right.<P>To map out a course of action <BR>and follow it to an end <BR>requires courage.<P><I>Ralph Waldo Emerson</I>

<BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR>I don't want to repeat the same things over and over, either...<HR></BLOCKQUOTE><P>Why not? It's important to make sure the points K brought up get across... especially the "rules" and that you're doing this not to punish him, but to protect your remaining love for him.<P>------------------<BR>Resentment is like taking poison and waiting for the other person to die

Ok Terri,<P>I have a quick question. Well, two.<P>Is your H involved with another woman right now? (I know I should know this, but sometimes with so many posters I get mixed up...sorry)<P>and<P>Are you worried that he'll show the Plan B letter to her?<P>This possibility would stop me from sending him a letter...under any circumstances. Just the thought of her reading ANYTHING I put my heart into...gag.<P>Let me know what you think about this...just pondering a bit.<P>allison

WhoDat,<P>Well, ok. I just know that I have a tendency to "harp" or "nag" and I don't want the letter to become a LB.<P>alison,<P>Yes he is currently involved with the slug, and no, I am not worried about her reading my letter. If you click on the link in my previous post on this thread, you will see the text of a letter I already gave him - if I was afraid of anything falling into the wrong hands, it would be THAT letter. But I try not to worry about that - if you look back at some of my posts in the "Read only" section, you may even get to see the kinds of things she wrote to me via email when she had discovered exchanges between myself and my husband. Evil evil slug... ewwww...<P>Please pass the salt... <P>------------------<BR>terri<BR><B>Courage</B><P>Whatever course you decide upon,<BR>there is always someone to tell you<BR>that you are wrong.<P>There are always difficulties arising<BR>which tempt you to believe that your <BR>critics are right.<P>To map out a course of action <BR>and follow it to an end <BR>requires courage.<P><I>Ralph Waldo Emerson</I>

Terri,<BR>I disagree with the others, I think that this letter is PERFECT!!!!!<P>You have said most of that other stuff in the other letter you sent and I agree with you that you shouldn't repeat yourself.<P>This is perfect... it assures him that you still love him and want your marriage but will not allow yourself to be involved with him while he is still involoved with the OW. And that you are doing this to "PROTECT" the love that you do still feel for him.<P>I am sure that he does miss you and I understand what you are saying about not getting your hopes up and I agree totally, you shouldn't set yourself up for a repeat of last summer. But I think that if the OW thinks that things stink that chances are he does too. Perhaps he is checking to see if the water is still warm. <P>I think your letter assures him that it is. It lets him know that the door is still cracked but as far as coming in.... he is going to have to do that himself.<P>If I were you I would send the letter just as it is and then I would forget about it. Pretend that nothing has happened at all in attempts to protect yourself for those thoughts that creap up and build hope.<P>I don't have time to check in alot now since I started my new job but I think of you often.<P>Hang in there girl... and don't change a thing!!!!<P>Genie