Rick, WAT<P>I think that the three of us are in reasonably similar situations, obviously each of us with our own particular variations on the common theme of a separated W.<P>Although these forums are my primary port of call, I have lately also been looking at the DB website for followers of Michele Weiner-Davis' Divorcebusting principles. (I think Rick, that you mentioned that you have read this book)<P>What really caught my eye is a series of posts from "fredg" who is also in the same predicament as ourselves and is trying to analyse all interaction with his WS.<P>A good thread is here :-<BR> <A HREF="http://www.weiner-davis.com/ubb/Forum24/HTML/002125.html" TARGET=_blank>http://www.weiner-davis.com/ubb/Forum24/HTML/002125.html</A> <P><BR>Sorry if I'm pointing you at something that you've already seen, it's just that I found it quite interesting.<P>I hope it's OK to refer to the DB site here (I'm not sure of the feelings of die-hard MB-ers vs. die-hard DB-ers!) I feel that it helps to gain an understanding of all possible approaches.<P>Cheers<P><BR>HarryHat<P>P.S. Hope you both enjoyed your recent trips<P>[This message has been edited by HarryHat (edited November 16, 2000).]<p>[This message has been edited by HarryHat (edited November 16, 2000).]

<P>Enjoyed the link.

Harry<BR>Let me join the club. I am in a similar situation only 2nd time around, W wanted to reconcile and after 6 weeks decided she missed the OM who is now 2000 miles away. We are heading full steam for a divorce but are still living together and have been since July.<P>I find Plan A loses it's impact after a long period and my W is getting more and more distant from me. I fear I will have to let the affair run it's course and let her move in with the OM as she intends to do. Only then can the fantasy start decaying and my efforts and track record start showing as a viable alternative.<P>It is indeed the hardest thing I have ever been through in my whole life. I am at the stage that no matter what happens I believe I will be all right but I look on the dissolution as the greatest loss and waste imaginable.<P>I read the posts you mention in DBs and I can relate to most things Fred is experiencing. He is very early on in the rollercoaster ride but none the less having similar experiences to me and no doubt you guys.<P>I believe a Ws affair is generally more damaging than a Hs affair as the emotional attachment that my W has to the OM is incredible.<P>I am thinking of going to a full Plan B as the emotional strain this is causing me is just getting too much and the more I do for My W the less it is appreciated. I also believe that there is a certain loss of respect for me as my W has indicated that she would have asked me to pack my bags long ago if the roles were reversed.<P>Having said all this I am still optomistic that lobg term we will be back together and I haven't lost sight of that particular goal. Certainly the longer it goes the harder it will be to forgive let alone forget.<P>I needed a vent and I hope you don't mind me using your post to do it. Let's keep in touch and compare notes as this forum is one of my only saviours in this whole affair (excuse the pun).<P>Inlimbo

inlimbo<P>Feel free to use my post to vent. I'm sorry to hear that you are in a similar situation.<P>I agree with you entirely that it seems that a W's affair seems more emotionally intense than a H's (Although I've never been involved in one)<P>When I discovered the correspondence trail between my W and OM, she was literally declaring undying love for him, even if they never got to be together.<P>It is sickening to read and the only way that I can rationalise it is that the "fog" has descended and they do not really understand what they are saying or doing.<P>In my case, the OM is also married (I informed his W of the Affair recently - boy did that make me popular with my W!)<P>You say in your case that they are 2000 miles apart - surely this couldn't work out long term?<P>I agree that one of the hardest things is keeping a consistent mindset and approach to the whole situation. I have had 2 or 3 OK weeks but this last week has been awful. It's taken all my energy to get out of bed and keep my chin off the floor.<P>I have a theory that our moods are in direct opposition to our WS's. If we suddenly feel down, it is probable that they are really up/happy at that point in time and when we are less down (you can't really call it "up" can you?) I imagine that they are despondent.<P>There is no real progress in my case other than I think that my W is hunting around to find a mortgage to buy the house she is currently renting. I'm not sure what I can read into this. On the one hand it looks more "permanent" than simply renting a place but on the other hand she may be doing it for purely financial reasons as it is always cheaper to buy than to rent on a monthly basis.<P>Keep us informed of your progress<P>Best of luck<P><BR>HarryHat<BR>

HH,<P> I read DB early on and employed some of its principles. I think the DB philosophy can mesh with MB without drastically altering the intentions of either one. <P>BTW - My Wife never officially moved out. She just booked business trips for 3-4 months straight which was the only time she could see the OM. <P>

HarryHat - thanks for the advice - I will check out that link. Sorry for the late reply as I was on a business trip for a few days.<P>inlimbo - join the club. My W alternates between just being distant and being mad at me for unknown reasons. Currently, she seems to be quite solitary but still plans family activities. Sure is frustrating. <P>WAT<BR>****************<BR>Time wounds all heels.

Everyone,<P>I echo everything said in this post. I have lots more to write because I need to vent alot today, crazy things happening, and I'm getting fed up right now. I suppose it might pass, but it is getting more difficult.<P>I've looked at DB as well, and like what they have to say.

Rick, <P>hang on, boy, don't give up now. You've been great inspiration for many of us, myself included. I've read a lot of you posts and truly admire your strenght. Come to us and vent as much as you want, this is why we are all here for each other. I'll check for your posts later on today. However, if you need an ear to listen to you (8 hrs ahead form your local time), please feel free to e-mail me at<P>adrian_faith@yahoo.co.uk<P>You are in my prayers, <P>Adrian<P><BR>

Adrian,<P>Thanks for that inspiration. I was rather fed up yesterday, but today I've gained some new strength. Was looking at family photos last night, and it gives me more energy to continue my quest. Also, wife told me today she was feeling depressed. Unfortunately, at this point in our lives that comes to me as good news (I'm sure you know what I mean).<P>Thank you to everyone for the continued support.<P>