Happy Holidays everyone. (Although, can I really say "happy" here??? ha ha)<P>I just have a question.... actually I'm looking for advice. I know this time of year is hard on everyone, and anniversaries are always tough. What I need to know is, how do you all get through it?<P>This will be the first Christmas (my favorite time of year) spent apart from my H. Also, our anniversary is 3 days after Christmas. I guess I'm just wondering what you all do or how you handle these days? <P>I'm "trying" to get in the Christmas spirit.... I decorated my apartment a little and have <B> thought</B> about Christmas gifts, although there's not much money for that this year. I'm not really sure where SS4N & I stand, so do we even think about giving gifts to each other this year? <P>This roller coaster ride never ceases to amaze me. Three months ago, he would have given anything to have me back. A month ago, I would have given anything to have him back. Right now I think we're both just taking baby steps, although I'm not sure in which direction. <P>Ok, enough of my ramblings. <BR>If anyone has any good advice on how to get through Christmas, an anniversary and New Year's alone for the first time, I'm all ears!<P>Also, SS4N, if you're lurking (and I hope you are), I love you.<P>lost_in_love

Hello L_i_L,<P>I have no experience in the situations you are asking about. However, it did occur to me that whether you get something for SS4N is not contingent on whether he is getting something for you.<P>If you feel like buying him a gift, it is my recommendation that you do so. If you don't feel like buygin him a gift, then don't do it. He will have to make the same decision.<P>As you well know but perhaps have forgotten in all that has gone on: a gift is given with no strings, just warm thoughts. It seems that this last year there has been a shortage of gift giving in you life.<P>Sorry I really cannot answer your questions.<P>God Bless,<P>JL

JL - thanks for your post.<P>And you're right - gift giving is not contingent on the other giving back. I'm always a very "giving" person at Christmas, and whether or not SS4N & I give gifts isn't really a big deal in the grand scheme of things.... I just mentioned it since it's one of the (new) things I'm dealing with this year.<P>At this point I'm not sure how my phone calls are received, let alone a Christmas present! <P>Anyway, the point of my post wasn't so much a question of what to do about Christmas... it was more asking how to get through the holidays and my anniversary! No matter what advice I may receive, I know that I will have to find my own way through this, and I also know that it will all work out according to God's plan.<P>lost_in_love

Hi Lost:<P>Throughout my long ordeal with WS (5 years off and on) I just realized that this will be the first Christmas I have spend without him here. He's been in and out...but always been here at Christmas. <P>It will be a new experience for him too...maybe a good one...he's always had the warmth and comfort of his family at Christmas...maybe it's time to learn the value of that...what do you think? Could make our WS more appreciative of what they are going to be losing. <P>Maybe you can look at it this way and it will make it somewhat easier to deal with. I could invite my WS to spend Christmas with us, and I'm sure he would be more then willing too, but I think it's important for him to begin to experience what life without us is really going to be like. Pardon me if that seems unkind but I think it's really for his own good.<P>Remember bad times for you can also be bad times for him...so let him experience them. <P><BR>Angels and Prayers ~ Faye