Hey Guys! I am living a life, as many of us here are, so much worse than any soap opera I could ever imagine. I think if I tried to market this I would be rich and at least one of my problems would be over. I decided to write about this here because right now I can't tell anyone I know Here goes:<P>D-day #4 (with same woman --I'm real naieve) was 4 days ago. Now prior to this d-day I had found out that my H and best friend were having an affair. This was February. He admitted everything and I confronted her. She was very sorry and couldn't believe that it had happened. That part of A lasted 4 months. Then in June I found out they had resumed their A in late Feb or early March. I found this out a couple of days after my 2 week old had open heart surgery and almost died. My H admitted that they had developed loving feelings at that point. I followed them one day and took pictures of them together (not doing anything just together). She again apologized and so did he--very remorseful. Then I found out she wrote him a love letter and I new that he had followed her and that she had brought other men into the store where he works to make him jealous. Then, August 30 I found out they had resumed the A, she was pregnant and having an abortion the next day. H very remorseful, didn't want a Divorce but would understand if I did. I stayed. I confronted her the following Tuesday and she said she would stay away. She told her H the next day so he starts calling me. They saw us at a restaraunt and he wanted to beat my H in the parking lot but gathered himself and left. I saw him that afternoon at Girl Scouts and he apologized to me and told me he would love to help make my H jealous if I ever decided to do that. A few days later she sees my H driving down the road and instead of looking in front of her looks at him and plows into a little old lady stopped at the traffic light. Then in October she starts following my H. Driving thru our neigborhood, driving past where he works (60 miles away)etc. They talk he tells her to leave us alone. Her H calls me says they are getting a divorce could he have copy of any proof I had. I thought about it and said ok a couple of days later. All I have is the love letter she wrote my H. He said that wasn't good enough. Then something I can't remember what happened that I knew he was somehow involved with her in trying to make me look bad. I called the police and I went to confront him at work. Didn't see him but talked to him later and told him to never contact me again. Now to this time. I saw a police report in my H's wallet. Seems she found out we went out Saturday night and he wouldn't tell her where we went so she rammed his car with hers and keyed LIAR across the side. Now I found out she called and said "Your car is just the beginning," She also told him she was going to kill him, that she has friends who would help her and it would never be linked to her. He saw her last night and they argued because I told H a couple of days ago that we were divorcing after Christmas. No separation, a divorce. I can never trust him again. They argued and he pointed out that she was a big part of our divorce (She has pursued him relentlessly every time including the onset of the A. He has always given in but she's partly to blame too.) They argued and she smarted off so he choked her, my H who has never been violent in his life choked her and held her by her arms and told her to stay away. Now there's no telling what she and her Dukes of Hazzard type husband will do. The policeman who took the report on the car told my H to seriously think about whether or not he wanted to pursue the case because that might really set her off. We've thought about a restraining order but the same thing, it might really set her off, she's truly crazy. I don't know what to do. My H doesn't want a divorce or so he says but I can't be around this. I don't want to do anything until after Christmas because we have an 8 yo, a 6 yo and a 7 month old. I also don't want to ruin Christmas for either of our families. And did I mention that my sister just found out she might have breast cancer. When will it end?

Oh, I forgot to put that she and her H are not getting a Divorce. She has permission to go out and do anything or anyone she wants as long as its not my H.

justsher, <P>If it weren't for the fact that your OW is married, I would swear it was my OW. <P>Almost everything you said (except the friend part) was done here too. She's punched H repeatedly, run him off the road, dented our brand new Navigator, caused scenes at his job, other public places, ran up to his car at a drive thru and snatched the keys, climbed my fence in the middle of the night to talk to my H way after he ended it, claimed he choked her and had him arrested after she punched him, threatened to kill me and our baby, and the list goes on.<P>My H said a restraining order would set her off too. Heck the girl ran her own brother over. I insisted. Guess what, we haven't seen hide nor hair of her in months. If she did do anything, to the pokey she'd go. <P>I would really suggest you get one before the wacko really does something crazy.

I'll second that...restraining order is the way to go, and here's why:<P>It looks like this woman is psycho and will go off on you whether you "set her off" or not. At least with the restraining order, you have some recourse if she does something crazy. It's a trade-off. While it may set her off, it will also provide a course of action when she does go off. If you don't have the order, the cops won't have as much to go on, IMHO.<BR>

I also agree. You must have something LEGALLY on her. If she ever breaks any part of the order, phone calls, letters, damage to property, harrassment, she can be arrested!! <P>Further more...DOCUMENT everything!!<BR>Record conversations if she calls, ect. <BR>You need to protect yourself and your family. God only knows what she is capable of. <P>And..did you know that she can do all she has done and since she has not been witnessed by l.e., she has not broken any laws. <BR>You NEED that restraining order!! And everytime after that that she has ANY kind of contact with you or your H, call the police..<P>How does your H feel all about this? Are you guys trying to reconcile?<P>

Thanks for the replies. I'm pretty sure that we will get the restraining order. I'll have to talk H into it. We have been trying to reconcile or so I thought. I'm not sure if I can after this or not. We do love each other. We'll see. I think I'll get him to read the posts encouraging the order and the reasons why. How do such seemingly smart guys get mixed up with these crazy psychotic b**ches? Oh, I've been worried that she would have him arrested after last night. I told him I wouldn't be surprised if she claimed he tried to rape her. He thinks she might have some bruises but he doesn't so that should prove she didn't try to fight him off and they didn't have sex so there would be no DNA to corroborate her story either. I guess I'm starting to think with her warped mind.<P>Thanks again for the input. Cross your fingers I can get him to agree.

Here's one more thing to show him: You have kids? Does he love them? Then stay away from this woman at all costs. She obviously has no problem getting violent to "get her way." <P>How would your husband feel if she rammed YOUR car with the children inside? She's already threatened to kill him, and smashed two cars during her angry fits, so why should she worry about the safety of his kids?<P>So if your H reads this, make sure he sees this:<P>If you love your kids, and you want to keep them safe, never, ever talk to this woman again! She is unstable, violent, and poses a danger to you, your wife, and your children. Do you really want to risk their lives because of really good sex?<P>

Thanks Cjack, I'll be sure he reads everything. I really appreciate everyone's support. It feels good to know I can talk to you guys and you all understand.

Okay ... I do agree, an "Order of Protection" is in order however in this case I would strongly suggest a "Anti-Harassment Order" as opposed to a "Restraining Order".<P>In the State of WA, if a restraining order is filed, law enforcement, at best, will simply warn the offending party with a visit. With an "Anti-Harasment Order" they will, without question", go directly to jail and not pass go or collect $200 smackers.<P>If you have the proof of her harasment file an AHO. It's well worth the time.<P>I had to file one on my H's OW. And I hope it did the trick (no contact thus far), altho I will say she is very resentful and has done everything in her power to seek passive psychological revenge.<P>Good luck!<P>Jo

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Just a question...do you really need his consent to get an Anti-Harrassment Order against her? If you don't want the woman within 100 yards of your person, and if you fear violence from her, then who cares how nice she is to your H?! I'd get the order just to protect yourself and your children from this woman.<P>She's just being nice now because she wants something. She will not always be nice, and you shouldn't have to fix a car or two everytime she turns her inner b*tch on.<P>Get the order. If your H has a problem with it, he can conduct his business with her at a safe distance.

I agree with getting the order also. In the meantime, call the police everytime she breathes your way. That way there will be documented history on her.

Just a note. The only thing the OW ever really did to me besides doing my H was to threaten to spread rumors about me throughout our small community (she told my H she would do this). All the psycho things have been to him, the car the punches, the threats were all to him. She says she followed me Saturday night but she didn't know where we went so I'm not so sure that was true and I would have no proof that she did. Just wanted to clarify.