I haven't posted an update in a while...things are not going very far. I seem to be really stuck and don't feel I have anything new to report and don't want to bore anyone with the same old issues. I am still pretty much shut down from opening up to anyone, especially my H.<BR>Anyway, I have been told on another website about a peer ministry called "Retrouvaille" in which it is a weekend reteat to help people whose marriages are in trouble and help couples with communication skills and the like.<BR>Does anyone have any experience with this and any comments to share on if it helped them?Also, since I am so withdrawn from talking about things and seem to be just going thru the motions to get me thru the day, is this a good time to go?Will it help me to open up and deal with the issues? I really don't want to withdraw anymore and want to work on my marriage and all our issues. Any input would be welcome. <BR>

I did a quick search from the "In Recovery" forum...<P>Check these out...<P><A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/forum/Forum31/HTML/000314.html" TARGET=_blank>HGBrawner and Lady K and Others - Ministry For Troubled Marriage's</A><P><A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/forum/Forum31/HTML/000343.html" TARGET=_blank>Need Input on Retrouvaille</A><P><A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/forum/Forum31/HTML/000514.html" TARGET=_blank>Will Be Joining You Guys in Less than 2 Weeks & Boy Am I Scared!!</A><P><A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/forum/Forum31/HTML/000598.html" TARGET=_blank>Retrouvaille???</A><P><A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/forum/Forum31/HTML/000668.html" TARGET=_blank>Need help before Retrouvaille this weekend...</A><P><A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/forum/Forum31/HTML/000680.html" TARGET=_blank>Retrouvaille answered prayers!!!!</A><P><A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/forum/Forum31/HTML/000775.html" TARGET=_blank>Retrouvaille was great, but OM was better...</A><P>Hope these help...<BR>...of course... do check out... <A HREF="http://www.retrouvaille.org/" TARGET=_blank>Retrouvaille</A> and <A HREF="http://www.wwme.org/new.html" TARGET=_blank>World Wide Marriage Encounter</A>.<P> <P>Jim

NGU,<P>Hi...hope I can help a bit without discouraging you.<P>My H and I did a Retrouvaille weekend last September. We are seperated, he is on affair #2. <P>I think this is the key to success with Retrouvaille...both people want to work on the marriage...very hard.<P>It is an exhausting and wonderful experience. I saw couples really start opening up and dealing with each other. My H's heart was not in it, he only did it for me, to get me off his back I think. He learned some things, but he is so deep in the fog that he just couldn't see applying it to us.<P>It is Catholic in origin, and there is a Preist there the whole time. Non-Catholics are very welcome, but make no mistake, there is a Mass to attend...and there is a good opportunity for Catholic waywards to confess to the Priest in private. My H chose not to, therefore, no communion for him. There are three "host" couples that take turns sharing their stories. You write A LOT!!! <P>Those of us who have attended a Retrouvaille weekend are encouraged not to share too much about it. I know before I went I really needed much more info that they were willing to give. If you have any more questions I would not mind sharing.<P>As I said...if BOTH husband and wife are really willing to work on the marriage, it is a great way to get the ball rolling. It really opens up communication. As strange as it seems, H and I never really had much of a problem in the communication dept, so the manner in which they have you speak to each other felt a little stiffling to us, but for couples that need to re-learn how to talk to each other it would be a great way to start.<P>Retrouvaille has a web site that will give you the names of who to contact in your area, and the dates of the seminars. Don't be afraid to call the contact people and ask questions. Mine were just great. They are volunteers and really want to see marriages stay together. There are also several follow up meetings, which I didn't go to (H not interested) but I bet they really help a lot.<P>Good luck,<P>allison

<BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR><BR>Those of us who have attended a Retrouvaille weekend are encouraged not to share too much about it. <BR><HR></BLOCKQUOTE><P>I don't understand this attitude. This is one reason why I'm reluctant to go. It makes me suspicious. What are they trying to hide?<BR>

I went to Retrovaille several years ago. It is sponsored by the catholic church but we did not have mass. Religion was not really discussed. Maybe things have changed. You chould ask.<BR>They ask you not to talk about it to others for anonymity sake, I believe. We saw a couple we knew there. We never would have guessed that they were having problems. We have never discussed this meeing again since. They just want people to feel safe going there.<BR>There is a lot of writing. You don't really share with the group. It's not a group therapy thing. The couples that lead go over topics, share their story and then you go off and write a letter to your spouse. That's what we did the whole weekend. No phones, etc.. There are followup meetings with excercises also. You have to be willing to communicate honestly about your feelings.<BR>They take donations for the weekend anonymously. We didn't have a whole lot of money and didn't pay, but if you can afford to donate they will gladly take one.

Not Giving up,<P>Jim did a great job posting some links with some of my previous thoughts on retroval (someday I will learn to spell it) so I won't bore you by repeating to much. The retravaile link page should have a page with weekends schedules from around the country. It really is a great program. I don't think anything is trying to be hidden. I think that the concern is that people not be scared off becuase there is writing (journaling about your thoughts that you only share with your spouse) that is done. Basis for the program is learning to discuss and understand feelings. Sure helped me to get in touch with mine and also to be able to talk about them with my wife. I think that it can also be a very intense weekend (with followup weekends also) and that can scare some folks off. If your not catholic, I wouldn't let that stop you from going. I would say that it is more of a spiritual program and not religious. The mass is not big deal if they have one. If it bothers you, I am sure you could skip it. Since a priest is involved in the presentations, there is some catholisism that will come through, but ignor it if it bothers you and you will come out with some great tools to help your marriage. If you want to know anything else about it, feel free to ask. I can't imagine anything that happened during my weekend experience that I could tell you about (except that we almost left early, but as I said it can be pretty intense.) The priest that presented the weekend I went to wrote a book that covers alot of the retrauvaille consepts. I'm not sure if it is available for sale anymore, but I will check on the name of it and post the name later (in case your interested). Don't expect miracles, but it sure is a great tool.<P>Go and learn if you can.<P>Tim

Hi, I didn't go. Here's the deal. If one spouse is involved in a third party they are not accepted into the weekend unless they break off the relationship completely. My H insists his "relationship" is innocent, but we never got that far in the discussion, because he refused to go. End of story.<P>I would have loved the chance to work on our marriage. We need a weekend of this kind of thing. He's "too busy". Oh well.<P>My thoughts on why they don't want you to talk afterwards to others: If the agenda changes, and you are expecting a setup exactly like someone else experienced, you may be feeling let down, disappointed. The group dynamic, the leaders, and the individual couple's "heads" are all going to be different. It makes sense to me.<P><P>------------------<BR>Belle, Domestic Goddess