Hi everyone,<BR>I hope someone can help me. AS my previous post stated that my hubby seems to have secrets, such as the card i found in his pocket to a topless bar back in feb. Fighting back and forth. I just found out today looking through old cellphone records, that he called an 800/ phone sex number, and I guess he thought because it was an 800 number that it wouldnt show on the bill, but guess what, busted! it did show up. I called the number and apparently he coulndt get through without a credit card, and the bill showed that he only was on the line for 1 minute. However, I know have a strong suspicion that he is a sex addict or porn addict, is there a difference? I dont know how long, but it hurts terribly. I dont know if to confront him or wait for more evidence. I dont understand why men do this, why cant they be happy with their wifes, i am the type that is willing to try everything he wants, but supposedly he is not into anything kinky or even dirty talk, but how come this number shows up on his cellphone bill? Is his not liking anything kinky his way of covering up maybe? or is it that men dont like this with wives? any men out there that has done this that could perhaps explain. What should I do confront or wait, please respond asap. im dying.<BR>thank you all and may god bless us all.<BR>

I know you are hurting at these discoveries, and I feel for you. I will give you my perspective, which is by no means the correct interpretation. As with most of us on here, I'd say something is wrong in your marriage for him to be turning to these activities. So, as with most of us trying to make things better, I think you need to look at what is wrong, and start fixing it. Sometimes it may seem that everything is good on the surface, but digging deeper reveals some problems.<P>Perhaps there is nothing wrong with your sex life, but is it possible that he doesn't feel close enough to you to reveal his innermost thoughts in this area? Just a question/wild guess on my part, so take it with a grain of salt. Might be completely wrong.<P>Even though this hurts you, I hope that you can use this as a warning call, and don't beat yourself up over it. This is telling you something, and if he is only calling a number or visiting a topless bar, and not having an affair, it could be worse. I don't want to minimize your feelings, but I don't want you to think that all is lost. I hope you know what I mean.<P>I'd suggest Plan A, look into ENs, LBs, and make sure you follow Plan A. Buy Light His Fire, maybe His Needs/Her Needs, and put into practise things you learn. He can't help but respond to changes you might make. Just confronting as though it is a crime will likely annoy him, so making gradual changes in you that he can see cannot do anything but good for you. This isn't to say that whatever problems might exist are caused by you. It could be more him. But, the bottom line is that anything either partner does to improve the relationship helps both.<P>Good luck and please don't be too hard on yourself. I know you feel awful inside, but we are all here because things were wrong in our marriages and we are trying to do our best. Make sure you do the same. Take care.

Okay...Im thinking that since he didnt go as far as getting out his credit card, that he just wasnt THAT interested.<P>Did you think that maybe he is just very curious, and ashamed to tell you?<P>I have a BIL who is very sexual and perverted. He gets into all the porns/strippers. But he is very verbal about it.<P>Now, my H doesnt. But, when we went online two years ago, he was going into all these websites, ect. I was very aggrivated by it. I confronted him with an innocent way. And I think that that opened up the doors for us. He was just curious, and didnt want to tell me in fear I would think he was a perv or something. Now that the initial curiosity is over, he never goes to those sites anymore.<P>Maybe you should just try and open up to your H about this?<P>Good luck<BR>ILAC