Just a quick thought about your pledge to not contact the OM.<P>Harley advises not doing this anyway, as it is usually a lovebuster to the WS. He does say that if the OP's spouse should find out via means not traceable to the betrayed spouse, that might not be a bad thing in some instances. It can cut both ways...sometimes the OP might get tossed out, making thenm more available. <P>I think that in your case, I might be concerned that your W and the OM were taking great comfort in your pledge, and it was making the situation safer for them. It isn't as if you are condoning the relationship, per se, but it is as if you are a party to the conspiracy, as it were.<P>That said, I admire your commitment to standing by your word.<P>I think in your case that I might sit down with my W, tell her that I am giving her fair advance warning that I am deeply regretting that promise, and that I am afraid that I am a party to a conspiracy that is deeply wounding the OM's W. Tell her I will abide by it for another (day, week,), but that your promise did not anticipate that this situation would become status quo and ongoing, and that you are wracked with guilt over keeping this information from the OM's W. That you strongly wish that the OM would inform his W.<P>Now.....that information will fly to the OM at the speed of light. Facing the imminent explosion of his family and finances, he just may break off the relationship. You won't have broken your promise, but you may achieve your desired end goal.