I HAD A LONG TERM AFFAIR AFTER BEING MARRIED FOR 15 YEARS. I STARTED OFF IN MY MARRIAGE WHEN I WAS 19 AND SHE WAS PREGNANT. AFTER SEEING A MARRIAGE COUNSELOR WE BOTH AGREED THAT IF SHE WASN'T PREG. WE WOULD NOT HAVE GOTTEN MARRIED. ALSO, THE COUNSELOR TOLD HER SHE WAS VERY CONTROLLING AND I WOULDN'T STAY IF SHE KEPT IT UP. I DO NOT FEEL IN LOVE WITH HER AND I MOVED OUT. SHE IS A GOOD PERSON BUT I DON'T HAVE FEELINGS OF LOVE THAT I SHOULD FOR MY WIFE. SHE KNOWS ALL ABOUT THE OW AND THE LENGTH OF TIME. WE SEE EACH OTHER ALL THE TIME BUT IT ISN'T HELPING ME, SHE IS STILL CONTROLLING. CAN PEOPLE CHANGE OR DO YOU JUST CALL IT QUITS?

Oleg,<BR>Wow when I first read your post I could have mistaken you for my Husband. I myself was accused of being very controlling in our relationship. I am not sure that is a trait that someone can change, however you need to ask yourself as well as your wife if you want to save your marriage. If you chose to do so get help from the Harley's or a therapist with their views.<P>How did your wife respond to the affair? Is she willing to work on your marriage?<P>I am only 5 months into my seperation and have not been around here much. At one point I wanted to make my marriage work even after finding out my Husband moved in with his boss and they are now an item. If your wife loves you enough to move forward after the affair I say give your marriage a chance, but do it the right way get the counseling and read books. Surviving An Affair is a great start.<P>Hang in there and I hope you find the answers you are looking for, only you and your wife can decide what is best for you and your child.<BR>Do you still see the OW?<P><BR>Diana