Just wondering if anyone else had or has any experience with the OP being the WS's boss/supervisor. Ever investigate if there was any legal action available against this OP?

My wayward husband is the boss of his lover. I am sure this is against company policy just about everywhere. Also, there's always the risk of the subordinate filing a sexual harrassment suit and saying she was promised whatever in exchange for sex, or for co-workers to file a sexual harrassment suit around the creation of a hostile work environment.<P>Frankly, this is about as stupid as you can get. But my husband has been doing this for three years now. I'm sure most people in his office at least SUSPECT the affair, some probably outright know.<P>I spoke to Steve Harley about exposing them. He advised me not to but right now, I think that was a mistake. It allowed them to just keep on going. The thinking was that if I exposed them, my husband might lose his job, and that would cause more problems than it would solve. At this point, I think accelerating reality would have probably been a good thing.<P>My guess is that whether you choose to expose them depends on where you are in the process. If you're in Plan A, probably not. But I think it fits with Plan B.<P>Incidentally, I heard Willard Harley advocate exposing this situation immediately upon discovery on his radio show. His comment was that it's unfair to the employer to allow this situation to perpetuate without their knowledge, and to other employees for putting them in an unfair position. I don't think I would ever invoke a legal action, but if I had it to do over again, I would make sure that the employer knew of the situation. If the employer chose not to act, that would be on his hands. I think most would act because their liability would rise exponentially if it could be proven that they knew of the situation and didn't do anything.

My H was OW's boss, but we own the business. At this point everyone (about 30 employees) knows about the A because H and OW (26 yrs younger than my H, though he insists age is not a factor) moved in together. Even though there's no employer to report him to, the A has been very disruptive at work and humiliating for me now that I'm the only one there. We laid off OW, at my insistence and H stopped showing up much at work. H has lost the respect of many, if not most, of our employees - one more reason not to go to work!

My H OW was his boss, he since transfered to another property. Just goes to show people in management aren't always smart...<BR> I am sure everyone knows of their relationship now, he moved into an apartment where he works. She movedin about a month later... The cat has been out of the bag for 2 months now..<BR>Aparently this company is ok with this kind of behavior, everyone knows of me and my kids.. Most of them were shocked whhen he moved out I am sure they are floored learning of his and OW relationship. Many of them hung out at our house, bbqed and swam in my pool, including OW. Nice people eh?<BR>

OW was an office temp at my H's work. The affair did not actually start until after she was let go. At least he knew better than to risk his job. Or maybe he thought he was just being professional. "Don't commit adultery with the office temps until they are no longer working with you" lol.

AH - depending on the employer, this situation, like Distressed says, can mean big trouble for the boss if there is a superior/subordinate relationship. If my wife was the subordinate, I'd blow the whistle real quick, or recruit another subordinate to make a third party sexual harrassment complaint. That would take care of the boss and maybe help clear the fog for the WS. In reality, it might not be that simple.<P>WAT

WAT-<P>My wife is the subordinate in this case. The two of them have been close for quite some time. A few years ago, my wife was disappointed with her opportunity to advance at this company. She interviewed with another organization and actually received a job offer for a better position and much higher salary. When she went to her boss (the OP) to see if her present company would counter offer, her boss was shocked and even broke down in tears at the thought of my wife leaving. That's as far back as I can trace the beginning of this whole thing happening. I shoulda known then something didn't smell right!<P>I'm quite sure that if I blew the whistle, it would mean immediate dismissal for both of them. The thing is, I'm not looking for any type of vengence here. Not yet, anyway. I just want my wife back so we can make the new beginning I know will make both of us happy. Maybe someday I can look back at this and thank the OP for the wake up call.

AH - I understand your reluctance. I'm aware of typical harassessment allegations, and most subordinates get off as "victims." This could work if your wife wanted out of the situation, which I guess she doesn't want - yet. May be worth a question to your lawyer if you have one.<P>WAT

My H was boss of OW. She initiated everything, pushed and pushed until he gave in. He still knew the consequences.<P>I found out in our state, OW's H had up to 6 months to file suit against my H if his marriage could not work out.<P>I sometimes wish he would have.

My Wife's (WS) OM was her boss. She will adamantly deny that he was her boss because no org chart was ever published stating that she did. But he was the person who signed her time sheets and expense forms so she would get paid. He also had control over her travel schedule and what sales functions she would attend. Makes it rather easy to ensure that he could travel with her and guarantee that the setting didn't have too many other eyes. Even to this day she will swear that he had no intent like that and he wasn't her boss. I a failed to mention that OM had one prior sexual harassment suit filed against him a few years prior. For that he was transferred to another division for a short period of time but put back into mainstream corporate after. Should also mention that this is not his first affair either and a close family friend of his sits on the Board of Director. <P>As I recall William Harley said something along the lines of "The employer should be notified immediately due to legal ramifications because even though both parties of the affair may be consensual, the courts recognize the tremendous psychological control that a management has over subordinates". At the time I learned this I was meeting with S. Harley and he advised me against exposing the affair to the employer.<P><BR>Did I mention that he (OM) was EVP of sales, now they've never been known to "Brain F_ck" anyone for their own benefit. Have they? <P>Some days (like today), I'd like to go slap the sh_t out of the OM. Not so much for the betrayal, as he was a business peer and friend prior to A but because as long as she still has this positive "he didn’t play me" view of him, it still seems as if he is still controlling her.<P>Since my Wife is the subordinate, I can understand Steve Harley's position of remaining quite. My family was never at risk from a harassment lawsuit, so contacting employer would only be a LB and an attempt to control her rather than myself.<BR><p>[This message has been edited by Hi Infidelity (edited March 13, 2001).]

There are several important issues/ questions to think through:<P>1) Is there a moral obligation since you know about this affair to inform the employer (I struggled with this. I concluded that the employer already knew, or should have known, based on circumstances. This this may have been a rationalization on my part). I had drafted an anonymous letter but never sent it.<P>2) Are YOUR ASSETS at risk because of this? This is actually a major driver in my decision to divorce. Losses incurred from a lawsuit are unlikely to be covered by an employer in this situation IF the boss and subordinate kept the affair secret from the employer. The boss and possibly subordinate would likely be sued personally. My attorney advised me that the wronged party(ies) could only go after my husband's share of the community, but those assets are not clearly defined since we're not divorced. This motivated me to get our property settlement clarified prior to any type of legal action (which could still happen).<P>I have a very strong opinion on this. I think you should blow their cover. It is a major short-term lovebuster, which is why we're all reluctant to do it. But it is also a major dose of unpleasant reality. It will likely speed up the pressures on their relationship, which is really the main problem you're dealing with (not your relationship with your spouse). Your spouse will blame you for all of it, probably scream bloody murder. But it will pass. If you do this properly, focusing clearly on INFORMING the employer based on your moral obligation, not demanding or requesting any action to follow from the employer, not linking this in any way to your marital distress or your desire to save your marriage, and make it a one-shot deal so you're not hounding on this (I suggest one letter - you want an auditable trail in case needed later), the angry reaction by the wayward will not be justified (even though anger will happen, a RATIONAL PERSON will get over it within six months).<P>I believe I made a big mistake by not doing this. Dr. Willard Harley says you have an obligation and at this stage, I agree. I know it isn't in concert with the advice Steve Harley gave to me and others, but in this instance I think there's more powerful issues involved than avoiding lovebusters.<P>This is a tough one, but I also think it's clear.

Hey all...<BR>In my case my wife id a labor and delivery nurse and the OM is an OBGYN at the hospital. So in theory he is her boss. THis crap goes on all the time in ospitals and everyone looks the other way. A regular Peyton Place!!!! These doctors can get away with anything. I think he is the lowest form of toilet bowl scum on the face of this earth. I wish that there was something that could be done...<P>Mike

Gee, I sure opened a can of worms with this one...<P>Distressed-<P>To answer your two questions:<P>1. I too am struggling with the moral obligation. The company they work for is a small financial institution. OP is one of three company VPs. My wife is a manager, supervising about twelve employees. Although I am not privy to the watercooler talk, I have no doubt there are suspicions. A revelation such as this would be very damaging to the company because of its size. The original plan my wife and OP had was for my wife to acquire a job somewhere else. That was months ago. As far as I know, she is not actively seeking another position now.<P>2. Yes, there would be great financial hardship on us if this happened. I also work for another financial institution that was just acquired by another company. My future there is not certain. Our medical coverage is all under my wife's company because it is a free benefit there.<P>The bottom line is, I am not going to make a move like this until I see how effective my Plan B will be. My kids and immediate family know nothing of the affair. Steve Harley has planned for me to inform them when Plan B starts. We'll just have to see how that works first. I will check with my lawyer about the legal aspects. It might be nice to know I have something in my back pocket if things don't work out...<P>[This message has been edited by Always Hopeful (edited March 13, 2001).]<p>[This message has been edited by Always Hopeful (edited March 13, 2001).]