I need some advice on how I can help a friend of mine. She is currently having an emotional affair with a co-worker and her husband knows of her OM. My H has been trying to help her for awhile now and I know that I can help her as well. Since I am the betraying spouse as well, we have many things in common.<P>I am very worried about her kids, she has two boys and two girls ranging from 1 year old to 7 years old. I know that with her getting home late at night and going into work early, this is having an effect on her kids.<P>I need to let her know that I am a friend and that I do know what she is going through. I also need to let her know that I don't judge her in any way for what she is doing and I don't think any less of her because of what she is doing. She has been a very good friend to me and I in turn want to do the same for her. She knows that she needs to end the emotional affair but doesn't do it. I don't know is she just doesn't know how to do it or if she is just to scared to do it. The fog may be to thick for her right now as well. She thinks she "loves" this man and he is very determined to keep her. He knows how to push all the right buttons with her.<P>How can I help her to realize that she needs to end the affair, not only for herself and her husband but for her kids as well? Any suggestions on this would be helpful.<P>Not sure if I should email her, talk to her via yahoo messenger, or just go kidnap her for a couple of hours and talk to her that way

You are now the vessel chosen to communicate with the WS...<P>Do so in person...<P>Do so continually...<P>Do so prayerfully...<P>Do so lovingly!<P>"fog" is often thick...<BR>...so don't overwhelm...<BR>...but chip away... day by day if possible...<P>When you can't do it in person...<BR>...go for the e-mail<BR>...or if necessary with the IM<P>Dr. Harley is a big proponent of <B>others</B> carrying the message that the Faithful Spouse(FS) can't!!!<P>Good for you!<P> <P>Jim

NSR's right. You're the perfect one, Honey. And you can do it.<P>Lori

NSR and Lori -- Thank you both for replying to this thread.<P>Your advice to my W is very heartfelt, and I truly appreciate your taking the time to reply to her. My W is very torn on how to help this friend of ours. I think that she is looking for more specific advice, rather than general encouragement though.<P>We have both been trying to talk with this friend, and I have talked with her H a couple of times as well. I have encouraged both of them to come to this forum, but neither has posted as yet, though the friend my W mentioned has read here some.<P>So, let me restate my W's plea for assistance. Any advice that you can offer my W, and myself for that matter, on how to help these friends of ours will be greatly appreciated.<P>God Bless

Just start with the <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi3000_intro.html" TARGET=_blank>Basic Concepts</A>...<BR>...presented in a logical orderly fashion...<P>A little bit at a time...<P>Especially go slow but thorough on the "emotional needs"!<P> <P>Jim

ES and Hopeful,<P>Does this woman know that you both know?<P>I remember some friends trying to reach out to me and I was so embarrassed/horrified that all I wanted to do was run...<P>If you are close enough friends to "kidnap" her I would literally come right out and say that you realize she's having a "close" relationship with someone who isn't her H and that it could lead to something she never wanted... and that you know from personal experience.<P>I would ONLY do it in person. If the time isn't right for a personal chat, then maybe it isn't the time yet.<P>Best wishes... and how are you guys?<P>Sheryl