Well, I just left the "I love you and want to work out our marriage and Plan A letter" for my husband to get tonight while I am out. I am scared to death!!!!!I feel my heart racing and my palms sweating and I NEED SUPPORT that I've done what I need to do. I also told him that I stopped the Divorce because I don't want one and don't believe in it.<P>Being in Plan A, How do I handle the " I told you that I don't want to be married anymore. We just didn't work out" speech. I have heard it before but I don't believe it totally. <P>Do I say, " I understand that those are your feelings and I wish I could change them but I had to let you know again where I stand. Thanks for reading the letter. I really appreciate your honesty with me. Have a good night."<P>Does this sound like a good response. I am so scared to go home and face the rejection but at the same time This has to be done. I can't go on proceeding with a divorce while he is being nice to me.\<P><BR>BooHooBoo HOo Boo HOO<P>HOpelessmom

New at this myself. All I can do is hope that the wiser members have answers. <P>God love you, and pray for the best. Maybe just be calm and honest.

You are doing great, hang in there!<P>If you get your expected response - say I understand that is how you feel right now however I wanted you to know that I still love you and am willing to work my hardest to make this marriage a happy place for both of us again. I still love you and recognize your need to work this out on your own but I want you to know that I am willing to wait this out. Thank you for reading my letter, good night.<P>Make sure everytime you talk to him it ends with I love you and I miss you. Keep the doors of communication open. <P>There may be initial rejection but I believe that it will come around. Remember rejection is easier when someone is fighting and nasty and hard to get along with. It is hard to reject someone who is letting us know they love us in spite of the mistakes we are making.<P>Good luck<BR>

Thanks for the replies.<P>When I got home last night he was in his garage. I just went in the house and to my room and got ready for bed. I was brushing my teeth when he stuck his head in the bedroom door and said "good night" I'll talk to you later. And then he left(as usual ) for the night.<P>so now wait again I do. Waiting is so very hard but my life continues on in spite of all this.<P>Encouragement is so important to me because sometimes I feel like If someone doesn't talk to me I might explode.<P>What is he thinking?<P>Hopelessmom

Hi,<BR>Jennifer harley said to me that I should say to him when he asks why I have changed. " A light bulb went off for me and I realize i didnt always do the right thing in our marrige. I have been reading and learning how to protect you and our love, how to build passion in our relationship and how to keep love alive." Or something like that. Can you prepare some answer like that to give if he wants to talk about it? If hes like my H tho, all letters go completely un responded to, so be prepared for that too.<BR>Lora

So, if he doesn't respond at all then What do I do. What if he doesn't file for divorce. Just continue with Plan A then to be after an amount of time. <P>Do I now talk to him face to face, bring up our relationship or do I wait for him. <P>Hopelessmom

Well, it took until Fri am for H to admit that he got the letter "I got your letter and we will talk one on one"<P>It is his weekend with the kids and he hass them out of the house. He also said he was going to take the kids to churc. Are you going to meet us there? I said, Yes, I am going to church.<P>Life continues to move on. While I wait to talk to him, I pray, read and post and chat with friends to give me support for either way he decides. the Ball is in his court. Divorce S*cks!<P>HOpelessmom

Honey, you have got some nerves of steel! I do not have patience that strong.<P>I am eagerly waiting the response. I have a good feeling about it.<P>Hang in there. I wish I could give you a hug.

Dear Hope,<P>Come on. You have the day or weekend to yourself without the kids? Get some sunshine. Go out with some friends. H will need to get his nerve together to talk with you. You are already ready. You are just a bit anxious. Right?<P>Ok. It is ok to be anxious. Tell yourself you are clear with what you want. Let H do the talking. You have already put your thoughts in writing. <P>Breathe. Relax. Glass of wine. Soak in the tub. Be good to yourself. That's it. <P>Will check on you later. <P>L.

Be good to yourself.... I totally agree!!! You will feel better about yourself. Is there something you'd like to do<BR>that you haven't found the time to do? New haircut or color? Nails done? New outfit maybe? do it! Rely on yourself to feel good right now. You won't get it anywhere else. If you have kids, look to them for unconditional love right now. They'll make you feel loved and wanted. Your WS cannot give it to you. No matter how hard you will try, they are incapable of it. Go out for an evening and visit a dear friend or relative. Is there a "chick flick" you have wanted to see but didn't rent it because the H didn't want to? Now is the time to rent it! I'm on a limited budget and have been finding ways to do these things. Even heading to the mall to window shop isn't bad either. Even a new perfume will lift your spirits. Its still too cold out by me to get out and do much but, when it warms up, I plan on taking the girls on a spring nature hike at a place a couple hrs from here. Keep yourself busy. I am not much of a self- indugent woman by any means but, I needed to do a few things to keep my self esteem up. A few of my employees have asked me what have I been doing lately that I look so nice. I have told them a little pampering goes a long way! Being good to yourself shows. You may feel horrible on the inside( God knows I do right now)but, when you look at yourself in the mirror, you will see you look nice.

He told me this morning in the parking lot of church that maybe we could get together on tues for coffee and talk. We need to keep the lines of communication open. (We had just come out of church, where we even sat together --that's my other thread) Anyway, I felt that he wants to talk to give me the"bomb" again. I said goodbye to my daughter and walked to my car and sat and cried. A few minutes later my cell phone rings and he asks me if I'm OK. Yaeh, Im OK. Well I could tell you were crying. I said, I'm OK. But thanks for calling to check on me. Bye. See ya later.<P>I can't wait for tues to get the boot. I have to get the courage to not cry and to continue to hope. If he was mean and terrible to me, I could accept this more than him being nice to me. Sometimes I feel like I am being tortured to death. Most people, except here at MB, think that I am being a doormat and that I should just give up and get going. I JUST CAN'T DO THAT. We haven't even tried to work on anything in our relationship together. All I want is a CHANCE FOR US TO WORK TOGETHER. Am I asking too much. Maybe I am, and I am too stupid to see.<P>I will keep you updated on the conversations.<P>Hopelessmom

My Dear Hope,<P>I am hearing much what I have felt. My H also tried to speak nicely to me at times (in between his tirades of frustration). I did not know at the time, that I needed to learn how to treat him differently depending on his 'mood'.<BR>And they say only women have PMS.<P>H would try to compose himself and in a kind way try to talk me into whatever he wanted at the time. This was hard since I thought that when he spoke 'nice to me' that meant he wanted to work on our marriage. Not necessarily so. <P>What I am saying is prepare your self for this mood swing. Don't count on his words being what you want to hear. If it is, then good, I am sure you will know how to handle that. But if not, prepare yourself to react in a respectful and kind manner. That may throw him off. <P>I wish I was that prepared myself. H would speak kindly and kindly tell me he was leaving and to feel sorry for him and I would be in shock and bascially cry and get very upset. Then H would get mad and blame me for why he needs to leave and the turmoil would start all over again. It made me mad when H would use that tactic to attempt to make himself look like the victim. I hope your H is not as devious. My H takes devious lessons from OW. He is her star pupil. I think she coaches him on what to say. He doesn't admit it all the time, but I get that inkling from her e-mails. I have learned when he mimicks her style. Crazy isn't it?<P>Anyway, just some straight talk. Don't want to see you hurt more than you can handle. In the meantime, try not to focus on Tuesday. Focus on yourself. Tuesday will come anyway. Wish we could be there and face him with you. My thoughts are with you and your family.<P>L.<BR>